'AITA for not caring my ex is upset about the 'dream life' I am giving my current partner?'
"AITA for not caring my ex is upset about the 'dream life' I am giving my current partner?"
I (34M) share a 13-year old daughter and 10-year old son with my ex (37F). I have a two-year old son with my current partner (29F) who is also pregnant with our second kid.
General Background: My parents were both doctors, but died in a small plane crash when I was 14. There was a lawsuit and they had assets that were in a trust I got when I turned 18. Therefore, at 18, I inherited a pretty substantial amount of assets.
I met my ex when I was starting college at 17. She got pregnant. She wanted to be stay-at-home like her mom. I was supportive of that. But, she did not do the activities that typically come with being stay-at-home, cooking, cleaning, managing the household etc. I offered to hire some help, but she did not want "strangers" in the house.
We surprise got pregnant with our son and told her something had to give. I was working and looking to go to grad school soon. The solution was to move closer to her parents and got into grad school there and got accepted. So, we moved.
There was a particular house near my in-laws that both of us really loved. I originally showed it to my ex and she loved it. It was on a large corner lot and we each dreamt of buying it if it became available. But, no plans were in place to buy it.
Prior to our son being born, the discussion we had is she would get a job once both kids were in school. When our son started all-day pre-K, I suspected she would look, she refused. We fought about this for a year. We divorced. We split custody and I pay child support.
About a year after our divorce, I met my current partner. Since getting pregnant with our son, she has been stay at home. About 4 months ago, the house my ex and I dreamt about buying came on the market. We made an offer, and it was accepted. We spent our first Christmas there with all the kids.
This last week, my ex called me pretty irate. She is pi$%ed I bought "our" house and that she heard from the kids that we are considering whether my partner will stay home permanently (they overheard a conversation we had with adult family members at Christmas).
She says I am giving my partner her "dream life." I laughed and told her, beyond what affects our kids, I have no concern for how she feels and hung up. According to my kids, she has been pretty upset. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Damn, I feel for the ex. She gave you 2 children and a home and you really don't care about her feelings. This is so fucked up. I hope you guys were married, because she is entitled to alimony. YTA because you laughed at her and told her you don't gaf about her, the mother of your children.
YTA, buying the house that you were planning on living with the ex in feels either spiteful, or like you're still hung up on her. More TA because this is actually more unfair to your current partner.
As long as your current partner knows its your ex's dream home too, NTA. Main reason I would tell her is your ex is jealous and will yell at you partner too. It comes across as if your ex married you for money.
That sucks. Sounds like you upgraded to someone who sees the world like you do. Thats good. Be mindful of your kids though, if your ex is mad enough she may try to alienate your kids from you. NTA. Your ex can go pound sand.
I totally agree, OP should make sure their current partner knows the backstory, especially if the ex might cause trouble. It appears like OP has found someone who’s a better match, which is great. I just hope OP keeps an eye on the kids, the ex might try to stir things up with them, and they don’t need that.
NTA, I understand wanting to be a housewife and Stay home mom but that comes with jobs she needs to do like cooking cleaning and child care (obviously you should help but the bulk falls on her) she doesn’t want to do any of that from your post it seems. She has no say in your life beyond the kids. As for the house situation, if it’s a nice house who he heck cares.
Being a stay at home mom or housewife is a valid choice, but it comes with responsibilities. From this post, it seems like she’s not willing to do her part, which isn’t fair to OP. And as for the house if it’s a good home for OP and the kids, why should it matters. However it's like the ex is just looking for reasons to complain. NTA.
NTA. If your ex wanted to live that dream life then she should’ve gotten a job. She claimed to have wanted to be a stay at home mom but instead chose to laze around all day.
You shouldn't care about what your ex thinks, no. But I will tell you. Be careful with your OG kids. Make them know that you didn't just not care to give them your best/the best, because even if they logically KNOW... still might hurt.
NTA. It’s not your fault your ex is upset about the life you’re building with your current partner. You’re not responsible for her feelings, especially after the divorce. You gave her plenty of opportunities to contribute to the household and make things work, but she chose not to.
Now, you’re creating a life that works for you and your current partner. The fact that she’s upset about you buying a house you once talked about doesn’t change the fact that it’s your money and your choice. Your priority is your kids and your family, not her feelings. She needs to find her own path.