'AITA for refusing to change my dress (that the bride picked out) at my brother's wedding?' UPDATED

"AITA for not changing my dress, that the bride picked out, at my brother's wedding?"

My (19f) brother and his (now) wife got married last month and apparently I caused an issue so disastrous that it's being talked about a month later. I'm not super close with my brother's wife (Jess) but close enough that we talk sometimes. I hate wearing dresses due to personal issues, so Jess helped me pick one that was in my style and comfort.

It was a dark green dress with black lace covering it and spaghetti straps. Jess said I could wear doc martins and keep my piercings in (I only have like 5). Looking at myself all dolled up was the first time in forever that I actually liked my appearance. Everything is fine until the reception.

My brother comes up to me and tells me I need to change. I ask why. He says Jess is upset that I've 'upstaged her'. I was super confused- she picked the dress. I asked what the issue is. Well, apparently the dress is more fitted than Jess initially realised, and was feeling insecure about her body. Here's where I might be the @$$hole:

I refused to get changed. I told my brother he's marrying a model (not that they can't have insecurities) but that I'm sure my 5'1 180lbs self looks like a goblin next to her. He told me to get changed or leave. I ended up sitting outside the venue with all the smokers so I had a fun time anyway.

It's been a month and my brother still isn't over it. He called me selfish, even though I left. I tried to apologise to Jess, but she told me not to worry about it, but her tone also seems like she's annoyed. The kicker is Jess' aunt has been making comments about it online which hasn't made things any easier. AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

sadkinkybitch said:

NTA. She literally picked out the dress for you. Just because you looked better in it than she thought you would doesn’t give her the right to try and have you change.

Heavy_Sand5228 said:

NTA you wore the dress that SHE picked and also technically complied with your brother’s (ridiculous) request to leave the wedding. They both need to get over it.

NightRecounter said:

NTA - She picked it. In real life, you don't get to change your mind and make everyone change for you because your feelings are hurt. She didn't like that you looked too good at her wedding. That's horrible. Did she pick something that she thought would look bad or mediocre on you?

OP responded:

I'm not sure. On the model it looked a little baggy (but she was also a size 10 whereas I'm a size 16/18). The dress fit perfectly, just hugged my curves a little more than was shown on the model. Jess is absolutely stunning. She's a fucking model. Not to say models can't have insecurities, but I (and I mean this in the nicest way) cannot find a legitimate reason as to why she'd be insecure because of me.

And Optimal-Beautiful399 said:

I have clearly been reading too much AITA recently because I’m pretty sure we should just call off all weddings for the rest of forever…

Rules for getting dressed for a wedding: 1. If there’s a broad dress code on the invitation (smart casual/cocktail/formal/naked) follow it. 2. don’t wear white.

3. Conversely, if you are a bride/groom don’t micromanage your guests outfits and then get pissy because your sister/friend wore the dress you bought her and you thinks she looks too nice, or your 90 yo great aunt’s skirt isn’t going to conform to your alien invasion/horror theme, or your brother is going to wear a yellow shirt that doesn’t match your instagrammable colors or your mom wore a black dress

(and is clearly wishing for your/her untimely death) or your nephew has a tattoo under his shirt - you can’t see it but when you look at the photos you’ll always know it was there.

Clearly, NTA. No one in their right mind thinks you would be. Also, if they’re STILL talking about how hot you were a month later… well maybe they should’ve had a more interesting wedding!

She later shared this update:

So i figured out what the issue was; after some pretty rude prodding from a commenter, I put my dark ebony hair into a pony tail, my blue orbs sparkling in the light. I tied my beaten-up docs and I listed down everything I did and what could have been wrong. Turns out, it's worse than what I thought.

My cousin's boyfriend had groped me at one point and throughout the night had tried to get me to go to his car. He said he liked this new look of mine. I ended up snapping and saying 'eff off, @$$hole' and I will admit, I pushed him away. That's it. THAT's the issue that got me kicked out. Which btw, is so unfair.

I confronted my brother and Jess about it who said he (brother) was approached by my aunt who said I had pushed cousin's boyfriend. My brother went to confront them and overheard cousin's boyfriend 'insulting' me to his friend (calling me bad words for promiscuous, etc.).. Cousin said he just tried to talk to me and I told him to 'eff off' and pushed him, which is true on my part, but I feel it was just.

Brother thought this was an attempt to 'cause a scene' and so asked me to get leave (get changed). So in short, my brother overheard two grown men using gross language against me (his sister) and decided I should leave.

As for the insecurity issue, Jess was insecure (her model brain was in overload because she has to be beautiful all the time constantly). She overheard someone compliment my outfit and started crying. Not necessarily because of me, but because she was so stressed.

Brother knew she was feeling insecure and had started crying after someone made the comment towards me and so thought she was upset because of me. So he used that as the excuse to get me to leave because he thought I tried to cause a scene with cousin's boyfriend.

That's it. I was kicked out because I was being harassed. Going to need some time to think through all this as I was not expecting my brother to not side with me on this.