'AITA for not changing my wedding date after my cousin chose the same date?' + UPDATE 4 YEARS LATER

"AITA for not changing my wedding date?"

My fiancé (23 m) and I (24 f) got engaged in April. We picked out a very special day to honor my best friend who passed away last year (his birthday). Everyone in my family new about our engagement and they were excited for us. Several months passed and we were able to get the wedding venue we want and I was even able to find the dress of my dreams.

It seemed liked everything was going smoothly , until my cousin (24 f) got engaged. At first I didn't think too much about it, I was just happy for her. A few days after their announcement I get a call from my mom and she told me that my cousin picked the exact same day and refuse to change it.

When we asked why she said ," I refuse to get married before my (other) cousin and that is the soonest we can get married. I am not changing mine so she (me) will just have to change it."

This has been going on for a few weeks and my mom has lost sleep over it. My dad is at the point of cutting all contact with them and every time I think about it I get sick. It really bothers everyone that she values one family member over the other.

The worst part is my great grandma now has to decide if she going to my wedding or hers. If this day didn't mean so much to me I would have caved and changed the date. But I had my wedding date picked out first, and everything is already paid for including my wedding dress. AITA?

Edit:

*After five days of being engaged she is "claiming" that she already paid for her church rental and venue rental.

*Her parents keep saying they will work it out so that we can both get married the same day (meaning they are expecting me to get married at 8 am so she can get married at 2 pm.

*Even after explaining the importance of this day she refuses to change it.

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

TheBestPeter said:

NTA. You had the date first. She can’t push you off it.

Any drama is her doing, not your doing. Screw her.

HowardProject said:

NTA - and unfortunately you're about to find out whether your extended family is going to be supportive of you due to having chosen the date first or whether they are going to support her temper tantrum.

AL_Photo said:

NTA, you are financially invested already and on the hook already if you cancel. Cousin is being bratty.

And BringAllOfYou said:

NTA. You set your date first. End of story. She's welcome to have hers on the same day, but has to accept that she's may not have ask the guests she wants. She's also not allowed to punish you for the situation. Don't let anyone continue this conversation with you. "The chosen date is very important to me and it will not be changing. I appreciate your support in not talking about it further".

Shortly after, she shared these two small updates:

Update #1:

I just got off the phone with my great grandma, and she is holding lit that someone will change dates.

My mom also informed me that my aunt and uncle (her parents) are expecting me to change the date of my wedding and with in the next couple days I will be getting blown up with threats if I don't change the date.

Update #2:

I am now pondering to move the wedding 1 day forward. Since her pastor won't do weddings on Friday's due to the church being reserved for a study group. This also honors my friend because him and I were very petty.

It also allows my grandma to go to both weddings and will give my immediate family an excuse to not go to her wedding because we will be too tired. I dont want to move my wedding date but as I dont want to cause any more stress on my grandma, since she is very old a fragile. I just dont think she can take any more stress.

Edit: She refuses to have one plus none of the priests in our area do friday weddings

Then, four years later, she shared this final update:

I had honestly forgotten about this post, until I got a random notification from it. It wasn't just my cousin who decided to pull wedding shenanigans. A month before my wedding, my future brother in law and (now ex) sister in law decided they wanted to get married only three weeks after us.

This put so much stress on my in-laws and and made my mom so furious that she decided to give everyone assigned seats at the reception to make sure they were not allowed to sit next to each other the entire time. Way to go mom!

Wedding dramas aside our wedding was absolutely gorgeous. We decided to move the day forward because my cousin wasn't budging on moving the date, and I really didn't want my great grandma to be sad about missing one of her granddaughter's weddings.

For the middle of October, it was sunny and 70 degrees out. And as we said our vows during the golden hour two rainbows formed right over us. It was absolutely perfect and I couldn't have asked for a better day.

As for her wedding, they were both sh!tfaced before walking in that church as well as the priest. My great grandma was so disappointed she called my grandma to come and pick her up at six. They are still married, but everyone kind of just ignores them now. My cousin and I are still at odds but we seem to be more civil now because I just don't have the energy to fight over something that's in the past now.

As for me and my husband, we have since moved into a house that we can now call our own, we adopted another cat and are very happily married!

I apologize profusely for leaving everyone in suspense for years, but I'm glad I can finally put the stress of wedding planning behind me and just enjoy my cozy, quiet life with my husband and fur children.