Bride faces backlask for not checking on friend who dropped out of wedding party over $100 dress. AITA?
"AITA for not checking on my friend after she dropped out of my wedding party?"
Nervous_Promotion296
I was very excited to ask 2 of my girls who I see the most to be in my wedding party. Let's call them (Lisa & Shelley). They both said yes and it was great. But 3 months in (4 months before the wedding), Lisa said she couldn't afford it and was dropping out. I said it was alright but I was a bit hurt.
I had so far asked them to buy a dress that was around $100-$120, and had paid for drinks and food at the one meeting we've had. Lisa (& her bf) both work and make decent money, and pay low rent since I rented them a suite as I manage a building so I was confused that they couldn't afford it.
Shelley isn't working MUCH so I said I could help her pay for her dress if it would help. After Lisa dropped out I asked Shelley if she was still ok doing it. Her & Lisa are very close also so I just wanted to be sure. She said she did and that was great.
That same night on our group chat with the other 4 girls in the wedding party, Shelley started texting that it was crazy I expected them to pay $100 for a dress to be in the wedding and dropped out on the chat.
I was really hurt and felt confused why 2 of my closest friends who I have ALWAYS been there for, wouldn't step up to be a part of my wedding when I would do ANYTHING to be in theirs if they asked.
As my wedding isn't far, I needed to replace one of them soon and knew the perfect girl to do it, so I asked her the next day so she could have time to prepare etc. She was SO happy, and said she'd be honored.
I had wanted to ask her but we already had 6 people each, so I was happy that I got a chance to after what had happened. It honestly made the hurt of my 2 "besties" dropping out a bit less. I didn't need to replace Lisa because her bf was in the wedding party too so they just both dropped out.
After about a week of nothing from Shelley I get a text message saying how awful it is that I didn't check on her to see how she was doing or to make sure she didn't want to do it before I replaced her.
I am absolutely FLOORED that she is angry with me about this! She has since sent me messages saying how hurt she is and that she doesn't know me anymore and has started saying BAD things about my fiance to people they both know.
I don't even know if there is a friendship to salvage after this.
Am I the worst friend ever? Or is it normal that I'm thinking maybe she never was my friend?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Flimsy-Car-7926
NTA. $100 is super reasonable for a bridesmaids dress. And what where you supposed to be checking on her about? Like honestly? It's YOUR wedding. She dropped out. You didn't have to double check ANYTHING. Some people really do think the entire universe revolves around them. You're good. I'd be cutting off someone bad mouthing me and my fiance.
The OP responded here:
Nervous_Promotion296
I've always been the 'nice' one of this group and kind of get walked on, not badly really but enough to hurt a little all the time. And now that I'm not doing what I always have she's being rude. I'm honestly a little worried she might do something to or at the wedding.
friedonionscent
These aren't your friends. She unexpectedly dropped out of the party for financial reasons, which you assume to be unlikely but nonetheless, accepted her decision gracefully...then you're supposed to ask her if she's okay? And what, beg her to come back? Nah, no reasonable person would expect that. I think it would be wise to replace her in your bridal party and your life in general.
Clean_Factor9673
These girls aren't your friends. Raise Lisa's rent to market rate, she was using you for housing.
hardboiledegg2024
NTA. Are you sure Lisa is your friend and not just there to get low rent from you? If she’s not even willing to spend $100 on your big day, idk if I’ll call her your “closest friend”.
Also, Shelley comes across as throwing a tantrum in an attempt to get you to offer to pay and not having to fork out anything. NTA OP, but choose your friends better…
AppeltjeEitje1079
NTA, I don't understand why she would expect you to? She dropped out of the wedding after being snarky about the 100 for the dress (very reasonable btw). They sound like awful friends, block them, not worth stressing over!
imamage_fightme
The sheer level of narcissistic pettiness from your 'friend' is off the charts. NTA. Was she seriously expecting you to beg her to be your bridesmaid? You had asked her, she accepted, then drops out - I feel like if you had pushed for her to stay on, she'd complain that you're expecting too much!
This feels like a power move where you couldn't win no matter what you do - even if you'd paid for the dress, she'd probably make it a thing with the other bridesmaids that you didn't pay for theirs, and then the next thing you know you're spending another $2000 covering all the bridesmaids and groomsmen attire to make it fair. Nightmare. This girl is stirring the pot for no reason and she isn't your friend.
Couette-Couette
NTA as you had already checked with her and she was fine a few hours before that. My guess is that in your trio, you were the one always catering to their needs and/or the one they like to think as "less than them". Them being your bridesmaids changed the dynamics if your relation and they were not able to accept it.