'AITA for not checking my phone when a friend bailed to meet us?'

"AITA for not checking my phone when a friend bailed to meet us?"

I (28M) and four of my friends (also all 28M) finally managed to hang out after over a year of everyone being slammed with work and relationships. We all agreed to meet at this indie cinema doing a marathon of a movie series we were once watched together on college.

Right next to the cinema is a café we used to practically live in. I messaged the group saying “Let’s meet at the cinema early to grab seats,” and thought everyone would know the drill. Two of us showed up at the same time, and since the theater wasn’t open yet, we went into the café to hang out, and sent a photo in our group.

Rick showed up a bit later but walked straight into the theater, since it was open, and by that time we we're already there. We figured he’d realize and come over. Our last friend, Mark, never showed. About 20 minutes in, I noticed my phone was still on silent from work and saw one single missed call from Mark.

Turns out he'd been sitting in his car in the rain, looking for us outside the cinema, didn’t see anyone, didn't called anyone else, and decided we’d ditched him. He went home and later sent a bunch of angry texts and a long voice message full of frustration and swearing.

He said we ghosted him and that he was sick of being the “afterthought.” I even offered to pay for a ticket to the next showing, but he said it was too late and refused. So, AITA for not checking my phone and assuming he would knew we left the café and got to the cinema when it opened?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Alternative_Head_416 said:

ESH. You should have communicated better, sending a picture in a group chat isn’t the same as a quick message to say where you are. It’s also not ideal to have your phone on silent and not be checking it regularly when you’re planning to meet people. At the same time, Mark should have probably messaged the group chat too to see where everyone was.

OldGuto said:

ESH: Most will check their phone to see if there has been a missed call or message if someone is late arriving, similarly most people if meeting a group will try and contact more than one person in the group if they can't contact one person.

swoonVVorld said:

NTA. You didn’t ditch or ghost Mark. You accidentally missed his call. He could’ve reached out in the group chat or called the other two people before leaving.

JacksNTag said:

YTA. Should have been more clear in the chat and attempted to reach out if you're waiting for someone. Why would you not check your phone for messages if you knew you changed locations and were still trying to connect with a member of your party?

He could have done better as well, but I have a suspicion what you sent in the group chat was not as clear as what you are claiming here. Maybe there is something legitimate to his concerns about his place in the group.

Cosmohumanist said:

I’ll give you a NTA since you did make a small attempt to communicate the plans, but this soft ambiguity sounds like a nightmare to me. When I make plans with my guys we have multiple layers of confirmation to make sure everyone is on board, especially for rare events when we finally meet up.

iambecomesoil said:

I'd say YTA. Your communication skills lacked. Let's meet at the cinema = You went to the cafe. Thought that everyone "would know the drill" but it sounds like no one did. The only people that went to the cafe showed up at the same time. The next people that arrived didn't "know the drill." And you coordinated it with your phone on silent.

Embarrassed_Bake1073 said:

YTA do you not care about your friend.

odubik said:

NTA. Mark could have called either of the two other people in the group -- his failure to try sufficiently to get in touch with the group is not your fault.