Husband’s life unravels after discovering wife’s six-month affair in secret phone call. AITA? UPDATED 2X
"Am I wrong for not confronting my wife after finding out she’s cheating on me?"
My wife F26 and I M26 ran away and got married nine years ago while we were both in college. Her family was about to force her into an arranged marriage when they found out about us but we stood by each other and made it through.
Yesterday, a man (38) I have never met before approached me and told me something that has completely shattered my world. He claimed that he loves my wife and she loves him too and they have been in an intimate relationship for the past six months.
He told me they met through her work . she’s a lawyer and that things gradually escalated between them. He said he wants to marry her and asked me to give her a divorce. He told me that he approached her for marriage but she denied him.
I was in complete shock and went home without confronting her. She had no idea I knew anything and acted completely normal. Later that night, I tried to be affectionate with her, but she stopped me, saying she was too tired from work.
I didn’t push, and I continued acting normal, but inside, I feel like I’m falling apart.
I feel like investigate further before saying anything . I feel betrayed, humiliated, and lost.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s initial post:
Get evidence… lots and lots of evidence. If she’s a lawyer and you divorce she will have a clear advantage over you even if you lawyer up because she knows the situation, what she’s done and what she needs to do. Document EVERYTHING. Have everything in writing, if you can record the conversation when you talk to her.
Find the guy again if you can.If he wants the divorce so bad. he can give you absolutely all the evidence you need for that divorce and so that you come out clean or relatively clean anyway.
Don’t rule out that the guy is disturbed and has a grudge against her and trying to ruin her life. Maybe he made a pass at her and she denied him and said she is married so now he is trying to get you out of the way. Talk to your wife.
Eleven hours later, the OP returned with an update.
This morning, my wife’s lover called me again and asked if I had made a decision. I told him that before anything, I wanted to hear the truth directly from her. That’s when he shared his plan with me.
He said he would invite her over to his place today in the afternoon and ask her about their relationship while keeping me on the call so I could hear everything for myself. He believes she won’t lie to him and that this will give me the confirmation I need.
He also said he would ask her about the future of their relationship and what she plans to do about her marriage with me. I don’t know how to feel about this. Part of me wants to hear the truth from her, but another part feels sick at the idea of listening to that conversation.
If she tells him that she wants a divorce then I will fulfill their dream.
Should I go through with this or Am I wrong for even considering it?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s first update:
Do what you must to get the truth. However, you must protect yourself. No hurting yourself or others. God luck, OP.
Get yourself your very own lawyer (!!!) and have that lawyer check for you whether recording a call without all participants’ consent is legal where you live, OP!! Also, have your lawyer assess whether this little stunt could be detrimental for your side in the divorce proces, in any other way - just make sure you are safe here, legally speaking, OP! Those other two have a leg up due to their profession otherwise.
Unfortunately if you want to know the truth you should go through with it. Otherwise you may never know and it will haunt you. This may be the light bulb moment to help you move on. I’m sure you would recognize her voice so you’ll know whether it’s real or not. Just make sure you record the call. Good luck. Please!! Updateme!
Twelve hours later, the OP returned with an update.
Today at 3.30 PM (IST), my wife arrived at his house. I was already on the call before she got there, listening in silence, my heart pounding. As soon as she walked in, he greeted her with flattery, telling her she looked very sexy and her butt look very wide.
She laughed and replied that she used to be slimmer before he got involved with her. Then in a mocking tone, she joked that because he paid “special attention” to her, her hips and breasts had gotten bigger and wider.
They flirted with each other very vulgarly for a while before he finally got to the point and asked her directly about their future. Her response shattered me. She told him she didn’t want to leave either of us.
He asked her if that meant she didn’t truly love him. She reassured him, saying she loved him just as much as she loved me. He told her to leave, saying he would only continue with her if she divorced me.
She tried to explain to him that it wasn’t possible, that she couldn’t just walk away from our marriage, but he pushed further, asking, “What if your husband finds out about us?” Her answer crushed me even more, she said she couldn’t live without either of us and that she would “manage everything.”
Then, suddenly, I heard kissing sounds. My chest tightened. I felt sick. Moments later, I heard my wife’s muffled voice, followed by her soft moans. Then, to my horror, I heard her start screaming in pleasure, the bed creaking rhythmically.
I have never heard her moan like that before. I felt completely shattered. Tears streamed down my face as I sat there, unable to take it anymore. I hung up the call, my whole world collapsing around me.
A little while later, my phone rang again. Against my better judgment, I picked up. It was him. I heard my wife’s voice telling him that he had the edge over me in every way . He is very good looking and he is best in making her satisfy sexually.
After some silence, I again started hearing my wife's moaning sound. I could not control myself and disconnected the call. He called again but I ignored the call. I can’t even describe how I feel right now. Heartbroken doesn’t even begin to cover it. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I even have the strength to confront her. I feel like my whole life has been a lie.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s second update:
What sort of man are you for not confronting her? She is obviously cheating on you and only staying with you to be cruel. Confront her tell her it's over and you are divorcing her for infidelity.
The new man will get bored if he has to provide for her and he can't torture you with he's kink. This guy doesn't really want her because he knows she is a cheater and will soon discard her once he has destroyed your marriage, it's he's fetish.
Sorry OP. At least now you know, your WW is a selfish morally bankrupt terrible thing who doesn’t really give a damn about you only her comfortable life. Her POS AP successfully accomplished his mission to drive you out. When you divorce he will be getting his win, but you know that’ll be a train wreck of a relationship.
Next time he calls record the conversation get him to admit to everything, at least it’s something you can play to your WW to show he can’t be trusted either. I’m not sure a POS like that deserves anything. If your in a no fault state all the evidence won’t really matter.
Contact a lawyer for for options. Consider waiting for your lawyers advice before confronting your WW to let her know her boyfriend was a nice enough POS to have you one the phone while F ing her, that should sow the seed for issues in their relationship. Updateme.
Surprise: Actually, this narrative has been flipped. His wife is one who was "on the call before HE got there listening in silence, her heart pounding." And what did she discover, her husband, the writer who flipped the script, "walked in, [and] he greeted HIM with flattery, telling HIM HE looked very sexy and HIS butt look[ed] very wide. HE laughed and replied that HE used to be slimmer before he got involved with HIM." Etc., etc.