'AITA for not congratulating my friend on publishing a book? I didn't try to be dismissive.'

"AITA for not congratulating my friend on publishing a book?"

So a friend of mine recently self-published a children’s book on Amazon. She made a big announcement on social media about how excited she was to start this new chapter in her life as an author. She also texted me about it, and I responded that it was really cool and that I’d buy a copy when I could afford it. I also asked what the story was about, and she told me I’d have to buy it to find out.

Later, my husband saw the cover and was curious if it was AI-generated. I asked my friend who her illustrator was, and she said she’d used Canva AI. Personally, I didn’t really care either way, so I just didn’t reply to that message right away.

A few hours later, she followed up asking why I had asked.

I wasn’t on my phone, so I didn’t see it right away. When I didn’t respond again, she sent another message basically saying, “Are you going to reply or not?” I told her I was just curious. I didn’t want to mention that someone else thought it looked like AI, since I felt that would come across as rude.

She then sent a long message along the lines of, “I already have one friend criticizing my book, and then there’s you—no congratulations, just asking about the artwork as if you’re trying to find something negative. So why don’t you be honest about why you’re asking.”

I replied, “Please calm down. I can’t afford to buy your book right now. When people are proud of something, they usually enjoy talking about it, so I thought asking questions was a way to show I was interested.”

She didn’t respond after that.

Later, her husband (who I work with) mentioned that she was upset I didn’t congratulate her.

I have no choice but to be at their house soon for an overnight visit, and I’m already dreading any potential awkwardness. Should I approach her once I'm there or just camp out in the guest room and hole up until the last minute (me and him will have a tight schedule that morning) to avoid any potential conversation?

I genuinely wasn’t trying to downplay her new book—the first thing that came to my mind was to ask questions to show support since I couldn't buy it. But now I’m wondering if I was unintentionally dismissive.

ETA: I hope I didn't unintentionally mislead but when I looked back at our texts, I didn't use the word cool, I said the story sounded funny (she marketed it as a hilarious story to read at bedtime and the title has shock value) and maybe that makes it better or worse.

I'll just paste the exact text I sent initially in response to her text about the book.

"When I can, I'll totally buy a copy. What's the story? It sounds funny."

The internet did not hold back one bit.

DenizenKay wrote:

NTA. Half her book isn't her work- it's an amalgam of other people's work. (I'm assuming since it's a children's book it's a picture book).

Why praise a tacky, half-a$$ed attempt?

She's lucky you didn't ask how much of the writing was AI, too. If she can't be bothered to find an artist and commission their work, did she bother to actually write the story? It destroys her credibility. Sorry, not sorry. Telling her it was cool she did it is already more praise than she deserves.

OP responded:

It's her husband I'm doing business with, me and him have been in more contact and I'm staying to ease thing on him logistics wise for plans in the following early morning. It just so happens that this is the situation with his wife.

Enuya95 wrote:

NAH as long as the story in the book is her own story, not AI generated one. Publishing your own book, especially if it is your first one, is a big deal (just like creating any other thing, be it painting, sculpture or scrapbooking). Showing it to others is a bit like showing a baby - you're happy, excited, proud. And very afraid of criticism which makes every feedback sound far more extreme.

Your first response was lukewarm, though if you squint, you likely can consider it a congratulatory message. But asking about AI art as your first question? Not cool, very not cool and honestly it sounds more like criticism than curiosity.

You can ask about it later, first questions should be positive and encouraging, more nitpicking ones should come later For your friend it is a big moment so even if you don't really care about this book, it's a bit nasty to start with question sounding like interrogation. Especially since many people dislike and fear AI in art, so automatically she had to get defensive.

Also, not answering her messages for hours because for you the topic was ended? Also not very nice. In general not answering to messages isn't nice and many people feel nervous when left on read. So while you didn't do anything wrong per se, I also get why your friend is sad and thinks that you don't enjoy her success.

Few better questions. What inspired you? What part of this story is your favourite? Do you plan a sequel? Why did you choose this topic? Basically any question showcasing her writing process. You don't even have to have to actually read or buy the book as usually there's enough info in the blurb to ask some writing- or story-related questions.

OP responded:

I asked her who her illustrator was, I took care to phrase the question to lead her to assume I didn't think it was not a person. I can't post screenshots for whatever reason but I will paste the first few texts in question

Her: Hey girly!!

My first children’s book is finally published and I am hoping to get as much support as I can get from friends and family. Will you buy a book and let your friends know? ❤️❤️ It’s a funny book for bedtime 🤣 Also write of review when you get your book, pretty please?

Me: When I can, I’ll totally buy a copy. What’s the story? It sounds funny

Her: You have to get it to know the story lol Click the link, there is a synopsis

Me: Who's your illustrator?

Her: Canva AI

famous_unicorn wrote:

YTA. You can't afford the book, so you won't say "Congratulations"? It costs you nothing to say it. Now, you're going to stay at her house and are contemplating camping out in the guest room to avoid any potential conversation?

Not only are you the a-hole, you're an awful guest. Go find a hotel if you need to be in the area rather than use her home to hold your own passive-aggressive tantrum. I can smell the jealousy from here.

OutrageousRound2032 wrote:

NTA. Lollllll this tickling me. It sounds like you’re not the first person to ask her if it’s AI 😭. To me you saying that sounds cool, is enough gratification. It seems like she was already insecure that she used AI or other people have critiqued her for it so she automatically took it as judgement.

apocketfullofcows wrote:

NTA. I mean, she's not wrong that "congratulations!" is a pretty normal, expected thing to say, and you should have congratulated her in your first message. But she's blowing it way out of proportion. Sounds like she's super defensive because she knows the art is an issue and she is trying to deflect.