"AITA for not contributing to my sister's rent?"
A few years ago I moved to Boston for grad school. Since my sister lives there too and my university gave me a studio apartment that I can pay with student loans, she secretly stayed in this apartment with me for free until the end of my grad program.
Independent of that, she also owes me ~$15k over the span of several years because she didn't make enough money to cover her rent while in medical school. I feel like this context is important to understand why I think I'm not in the wrong.
Once I graduated we needed to get a new apartment, and my sister purposely went for a 2 bedroom fancy high-rise that was near the hospital she works at that I could TECHNICALLY afford with my meager salary, but not by much.
Still, we signed the lease in May 2024 and lived there for a year, splitting the rent so I would pay an eye-watering $2700 a month. When May 2025 came up and we needed to renew the lease, I did it without thinking. However, I was really homesick and not happy with my life. My job was brutal, I missed my friends and family back home, and I hated how goddamn expensive everything is in Boston.
When I went to visit my parents in August they were like "Just move back here and have your sister move to a smaller apartment in the same high rise, and you can pay the transfer fee." So I did. Got a job here I like, moved all my stuff, and even paid my half of the rent for a couple more months to give my sister time to move.
She, however, is furious. Living by herself in a one bedroom means she'll have to pay more for the rent ($3200 instead of us splitting the $5400 rent into $2700 each) and despite making twice my salary as a doctor in a highly prestigious hospital she has NO money saved up.
My sister is pretty bougie and loves to buy expensive stuff so its not surprising, but its frustrating how we paid the same rent for over a year, she makes twice the amount of money I do, and yet I somehow have more money saved up than she does. She's also very picky about roommates and originally wanted me to find a new roommate to share the lease with, but I haven't been too successful there.
My sister proposed that since she has to pay an extra $500 a month because of me moving, I should have to contribute that money to her rent until the time our lease wouldve originally ended (May 2026). I believe that after YEARS of giving her free housing and thousands of dollars, I should be off the goddamn hook.
At the very least, let those $500 a month come out of the money she borrowed from me years ago and couldn't afford to pay back. On the one hand I feel bad for her, but on the other hand I'm tired of someone who makes way more than I do financially relying on me for no good reason.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Paevatar wrote:
NTA.
Your sister is outrageously entitled. Are your parents aware that she's demanding rent from you after you moved home on their suggestion?
OP responded:
She tries to keep it hush-hush, like "We don't have to involve them it'll just stress them out" except anytime we argue the first thing she does is call my mom and whine to her about it, so...hmmm...
Unlikely_rope_8247 wrote:
NTA. Just…NTA. I really don’t think there’s any more to be said. Hand your sister a bill for the amount she owes you and have done with it.
OP responded:
I'm not even joking, I have a spreadsheet with multiple copies saved elsewhere of all the money she borrowed from me. In her defense, she DOES pay me back eventually - if not, she'd owe me well over $25k.
forsakeandbake wrote:
Did you discuss this with her ? And she is now living in a 1 bedroom apartment? If you agreed to split the rent and just suddenly decided to move you would be TA. But if you’ve said your piece, she’s in a different apartment, etc and she’s just mad bc it’s $500 a month more then, no. NTA.
OP responded:
At the end of August I told her about my plans to move back home, and told her that I can pay my share of rent for a few months because of how sudden it is. She was originally apprehensive but supportive of my choice because she saw how miserable I was at my job (which, by the way, I only took this higher-paying but miserable job SO I COULD AFFORD THE RENT OF THIS PLACE).
But when my 3 month rent payment started running out, she told me that I should've done all this before I signed the lease again and that its unfair that she has to deal with the mess of me leaving.
1039198468 wrote:
ESH (potentially) Did you give her notice and did you two agree on what would happen if you left? Did she agree? Did you bring up the money she owed you as a payback for the rent you would not be paying? If you did those things NTA. If you did what you could then left without doing the things you said then YTA. In any case NEVER LEND FAMILY MONEY. Happy Thanksgiving.
BrianChange704 wrote:
How did you share a studio? My wife and I were ready to kill each other in a 2 BR.
OP responded:
It wasn't very easy but we worked a system out. We would spend the majority of the day out of the studio (me at my university/job and her at her office) and only see each other in the evenings. We also both got good noise-cancelling earbuds so we could ignore each other if we wanted. Despite how much I trashed my sister in this post, we DO get along usually lol.
Key_Two_77 wrote:
Tell it to her that way. "Sis, you make way more than I do. Why is this an issue for you? Why am i responsible for finding you a new roommate? Also, you owe me $15,000 that I wasn't going to worry about but since you're all about the money, maybe pay that back to me first."
"I'm glad to see all the appreciation for letting you stay with me through school, for free. I really feel the love. 🙄" If she keeps up with the attitude, go LC/NC. NTA.