'AITA for not cooking fancier meals?' 'My husband wants me to change things up.' UPDATED
"AITA for not cooking 'fancier' meals?"
I'm the only one who cooks in our house. It's just 4 of us, my husband, me and my daughter and little brother. My husband is 27 and I'm 25. My husband barely knows how to make eggs, even though I've tried to talk to him constantly about learning how to cook. My daughter and brother are still in elementary school so they only help me cook.
The responsibility falls on me and it's honestly exhausting...so, I just set up a system in my head. It's easy, for breakfast It's just something with eggs or cereal. Lunch is some sort of sandwich, burger, or leftovers. Dinner is the meal I usually plan but I have like 10 dishes I repeat. Sometimes I'll go off, especially Sunday, but generally I stay because it's easier for me mentally.
Well, one day I made just pasta alfredo with chicken and as we were eating, my husband mentions that it would be nice if I made "fancier" dishes. I asked him what he meant and he explained he wants me to change things up, add some more meat dishes and variety.
Next time, we went out shopping and I was putting ingredients I don't usually buy into the cart. As the ingredients started piling up, my husband was getting all puffy and upset. We got to the meat aisle and I started picking out beef and that's when my husband lost it and started taking things out of the cart.
Saying that we can't afford my "fancy living." I blinked at him and tried to explain that he was the one who asked for variety and different dishes, so I'm buying different ingredients. He rolled his eyes and told me that I'm being dramatic. I just let him do his thing, taking out most of the ingredients out.
The next week, I made the same dishes because that's all I had ingredients for. A week passed and my husband was all pouting that I made fried rice again and that he's sick of chicken. When I pointed out that he took out all the beef out of our cart, he blew up on me again and said I'm being an ahole because he doesn't know how to cook? AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
IllustriousSyzygy said:
NTA. I would stop cooking for His Grace, the Duke of Minimum Effort for a while. Possibly for ever. Just feed yourself and your kids. Your foods aren't good enough for Sir Requireth All, so why bother? Reginald Expectington III can learn to cook for himself, unless he is mentally impaired somehow.
Tell him that you are very excited to taste his beef Wellingtons and nicely seared halibuts. I absolutely despise people who are about as useful as a handful of dirt, yet act all entitled and crap on people who take care of them. NTA-NTA-NTA. The absolute gall.
curly-sue99 said:
The thing that bothers me is that he complains about something then gets angry when you try to do what he wants. When you point that out, he gets angry at you. It sounds like he just wants to be angry at you. It’s so bizarre. NTA.
piedpipershoodie said:
NTA. The next time he talks crap, drop The Joy of Cooking in his lap. And the next. Every single time. He can learn to cook or he can shut up.
Berim13 said:
NTA. If he wants "fancier" meals he needs to provide a "fancier" budget.
Labradawgz90 said:
NTA - I'm sorry but does your husband have a learning disability. I am seriously asking because it sounds like he is not comprehending what he did. If he did understand then he's a complete a. I wouldn't put up with that crap.
HNutz said:
How does he expect you to make different food with the same materials? NTA.
UPDATE:
I'm still in shock at the way that post blew up. I honestly was just to prove a point to my husband, and that post definitely did that and more. So when I showed him the post, he was shocked.
Angry for a minute but then read a few comments, then turned off his phone and acted like it didn't bother him. He didn't talk to me for the rest of the evening and at night, I woke up to see him reading the comments again but just went back to sleep.
I didn't mention it and the next morning, he was still not really talking much. That evening for dinner when we sat at the table, he finally brought up the post. He asked me if I agreed with what the comments said. I just shrugged and said that yes, I agreed with some.
He was quiet after that and while we were cleaning up, he apologized for his behavior. Then a few days later, he asked if we could start making dinner together every night. It was...a bumpy road at first but honestly after a week, we started enjoying it and now a few weeks later he's gotten much better and even made a few meals himself.
The reason behind his behavior, he admitted, was because his mother has been trying to contact him lately. It's been stressing him out and one time when she called him, she started talking trash about me (what else is new) and kept mentioning that I'm not feeding him well enough, that he was much happier when he was eating her food.
Honestly I don't even know what she was trying to do. My husband apologized for it and said that he likes my cooking but let her words get to him. He is talking to his therapist about all this.
That's really it. A lot of people asked for the update or for his reaction lol but there wasn't much. He handled it a lot better than I hoped. He even started joking about some of the comments a few weeks ago and it's become somewhat of an inside joke. Thank you for helping us through this haha. Life is good, hope you all have a good dinner tonight!
Here's what people had to say to OP:
So when I showed him the post, he was shocked. Angry for a minute but then read a few comments, then turned off his phone and acted like it didn't bother him. He didn't talk to me for the rest of the evening and at night, I woke up to see him reading the comments again but just went back to sleep.
I didn't mention it and the next morning, he was still not really talking much. That evening for dinner when we sat at the table, he finally brought up the post. He asked me if I agreed with what the comments said. I just shrugged and said that yes, I agreed with some.
He was quiet after that and while we were cleaning up, he apologized for his behavior. Then a few days later, he asked if we could start making dinner together every night. It was...a bumpy road at first but honestly after a week, we started enjoying it and now a few weeks later he's gotten much better and even made a few meals himself.
The reason behind his behavior, he admitted, was because his mother has been trying to contact him lately. It's been stressing him out and one time when she called him, she started talking trash about me (what else is new) and kept mentioning that I'm not feeding him well enough, that he was much happier when he was eating her food.
Honestly I don't even know what she was trying to do. My husband apologized for it and said that he likes my cooking but let her words get to him. He is talking to his therapist about all this.
That's really it. A lot of people asked for the update or for his reaction lol but there wasn't much. He handled it a lot better than I hoped. He even started joking about some of the comments a few weeks ago and it's become somewhat of an inside joke. Thank you for helping us through this haha. Life is good, hope you all have a good dinner tonight!
Here's what people had to say about the update:
Asleep_Loquat8722 said:
He still has a long way to go though by not letting his mom's words get to him. His mom was TRYING to get into his head by convincing him that her cooking is better and pretty much saying nobody will be better than her.
That's what narcissists do: she was gaslighting him and trying to pit him against OP and you know what? It worked. And why isn't he shutting her down when she talks crap about OP to him? He should be LC or NC with her and ending her calls or blocking her texts when she starts talking badly about OP and defending her.
He should have been straight up with OP in the first place instead of playing these childish mind games by saying "make better meals" and then u-turning and saying "but we can't afford your fancy meals." It's good he's asking OP to make meals with her and they're enjoying it but he still needs deep rooted therapy about his mom.
javel1 said:
What a great update!!!! So happy your husband was able to see what he was doing.
AgreeableStop2488 said:
I'm glad it worked out. Hope he gets the help he needs to deal with his mom. But on a side note I read your original post and never did I see hilarious responds on a post before.
I wanted to add "old wet back here is angry at your husband" but saw no more comments can be made. LOL. Needed a good laugh and a happy ending before going to bed. Thanks for both.
darlingmagpie said:
I'm glad you're working on cooking and stuff together, but additionally your husband needs some therapy if one conversation with his mom can turn him against you like this. He sounds very immature/easily swayed by th opinions of others and that won't change until he addresses it.
confusedquokka said:
Good for him for actually reading the criticism and acknowledging that he was wrong and actually talking to you what’s wrong. I hope he continues and is able to talk to you before lashing out. Good for you for staying calm! Hope it works out!
lilbunnifufu2you said:
Thank you for the update. I'm glad that he took some time to think on things on his own and then talked things out with you. Therapy is a good call and it's good to hear that you two are bonding while cooking together.
You can't work on things if you don't know they are broken and I hope this means that going forward, he knows that he can talk things out with your or his therapist.