'AITA for not signing over my portion of my ex bf's life insurance payout to his mom?'
"AITA for not signing over my portion of my ex bf's life insurance payout to his mom?"
Elegant-Device1566
I recently learnt that my ex boyfriend passed away of cancer in March, his mom called me last week to inform me of his passing and to inform me that myself and her are listed as beneficiaries on his life insurance from his employer.
She instantly tells me that she doesn't know why he never changed it but I can decline or sign the cheque over to her once I receive it... Instantly I am in shock, he's gone? And he left me on there? Why? I went back and forth wondering if this was on purpose or accidental... it had been years, approximately 6 since we mutually,. civily split up.
I was informed he had a new girlfriend that lived with him and she has 2 kids from a previous relationship that threw a wrench into things more... is there a reason she never got put on it? Was this all just a big mistake?
Today it has been 1 week and this has been very hard especially since his mom has been terrorizing me all week trying to get me to agree to give her this money. She has said the most hurtful things.
She has sent me the most disrespectful photos and video of her son in his last moments... As of right now I haven't even gotten in touch with the insurance company, I have no idea how much this is or if I need a lawyers help at this point.
Well today is the day I woke up knowing 100% I am keeping this money and I am not going to feel bad at all for helping my family with a gift my ex left for me. Unfortunately part of me still wonders if it's the right thing to do by my ex... and if these were his wishes in the end.
A little info too add, my home burnt too the ground 3 years ago July 20th and October 1st 2 years ago my mom passed from cancer as well... it has been a long hard few years and this money would literally buy myself a new bra for the first time in 3 years... my little clan could really use this money and I think my ex knew that...
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
KarlZone87
NTA - But I wold be getting legal advice before spending a cent of it. Depending on where in the world you live, these things can be contested in court.
Elegant-Device1566 OP responded:
I don't have any info yet other than I am a beneficiary, but I do plan on taking a free consultation from a lawyer once I get more info because I have no idea how all this works. Thank you for the suggestion.
JollyAd5054
Also log everything she does and says also shouldn't her share go to his kids?
Elegant-Device1566 OP responded:
Yes I've saved everything, I'm not sure what she's thinking.. she's never been a generous giving person from what I remember but she did tell me that his home will be signed over too the gf.
99angelgirl
If you decided not to accept the money, or to not accept a portion of the money, I would absolutely accept it all and then give it as a gift to his gf and children. It should not go to his mother. It may have been a mistake that he left you on, or it may not have been.
But I certainly can believe that if he put you on it in the first place, he would've replaced you on it with his gf or children's mother when removing you. He wouldn't have just removed you and left only his mother.
Trash_panda422
YTA. You clearly were not meant to be the beneficiary. This is obviously an oversight, since you stated yourself that you had not spoken to him in ages, and broke up 6 years ago. People don’t always update these things like they should, and he may have even forgotten that it existed.
You should sign over the money to his mother and his current partner should receive a portion, especially since they live together and I’m sure she will have unexpected bills that she will now have to cover on her own.
camkats
YTA this money was not intended for his ex from 6 years ago. The mom is also AH but in the end you should do the right thing and give it to his mom.
Coast-Prestigious
YTA. You rarely get promoted with work insurance to update details and most of us just forget we even nominated someone in the first place. You haven’t spoken to him, there’s no hidden meaning in him leaving it to you- it’s clearly an oversight.
You say you’re guilt free - you aren’t because you asked the question here - presumably to assuage your conscience. Sorry but the very fact that you are asking means you know you’re wrong and that it’s not what was intended.
I may be in a minority - time will tell - but you know in your heart that it’s wrong, you want the validation. Of strangers and I would personally try to do what your own conscience is telling you. If you genuinely believe it’s ok - and only you know him here - then that’s up to you. We both know you don’t though.