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Mom demands ex GF relinquish life insurance payout after son’s death; 'You broke up 6 years ago!' AITA?

Mom demands ex GF relinquish life insurance payout after son’s death; 'You broke up 6 years ago!' AITA?


"AITA for not declining or signing over my portion of my ex bf's life insurance payout to his mom?"


I recently learnt that my ex boyfriend passed away of cancer in March, his mom called me last week to inform me of his passing and to inform me that myself and her are listed as beneficiaries on his life insurance from his employer.

She instantly tells me that she doesn't know why he never changed it but I can decline or sign the cheque over to her once I receive it... Instantly I am in shock, he's gone? And he left me on there? Why? I went back and forth wondering if this was on purpose or accidental... it had been years, approximately 6 since we mutually,. civily split up.

I was informed he had a new girlfriend that lived with him and she has 2 kids from a previous relationship that threw a wrench into things more... is there a reason she never got put on it? Was this all just a big mistake?

Today it has been 1 week and this has been very hard especially since his mom has been terrorizing me all week trying to get me to agree to give her this money. She has said the most hurtful things.

She has sent me the most disrespectful photos and video of her son in his last moments... As of right now I haven't even gotten in touch with the insurance company, I have no idea how much this is or if I need a lawyers help at this point.

Well today is the day I woke up knowing 100% I am keeping this money and I am not going to feel bad at all for helping my family with a gift my ex left for me. Unfortunately part of me still wonders if it's the right thing to do by my ex... and if these were his wishes in the end.

A little info too add, my home burnt too the ground 3 years ago July 20th and October 1st 2 years ago my mom passed from cancer as well... it has been a long hard few years and this money would literally buy myself a new bra for the first time in 3 years... my little clan could really use this money and I think my ex knew that...

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:


NTA - But I wold be getting legal advice before spending a cent of it. Depending on where in the world you live, these things can be contested in court.

The OP responded here:


I don't have any info yet other than I am a beneficiary, but I do plan on taking a free consultation from a lawyer once I get more info because I have no idea how all this works. Thank you for the suggestion.


Also log everything she does and says also shouldn't her share go to his kids?

The OP responded again:


Yes I've saved everything, I'm not sure what she's thinking.. she's never been a generous giving person from what I remember but she did tell me that his home will be signed over too the gf.


If you decided not to accept the money, or to not accept a portion of the money, I would absolutely accept it all and then give it as a gift to his gf and children. It should not go to his mother. It may have been a mistake that he left you on, or it may not have been.

But I certainly can believe that if he put you on it in the first place, he would've replaced you on it with his gf or children's mother when removing you. He wouldn't have just removed you and left only his mother.


YTA. You clearly were not meant to be the beneficiary. This is obviously an oversight, since you stated yourself that you had not spoken to him in ages, and broke up 6 years ago. People don’t always update these things like they should, and he may have even forgotten that it existed.

You should sign over the money to his mother and his current partner should receive a portion, especially since they live together and I’m sure she will have unexpected bills that she will now have to cover on her own.


YTA this money was not intended for his ex from 6 years ago. The mom is also AH but in the end you should do the right thing and give it to his mom.


You know, his family and others will figure this out, it can really impact your personal and professional life (i.e., FaceBook, LinkedIn)- I've seen people lose their careers, family, and life over this type of stuff!

I would tread very carefully - who knows if they are on Reddit too!! Also, the law enforcement can get involved if they catch this type of activity and suspect fraudulent behaviour - something to think about.

Come on. You know the answer here. YTA - big asshole if you do this. It's not right, and deep down you know it. You know people are negligent about updating their insurance beneficiaries with their employers and you know he just never changed it after you broke up.

And maybe your ex was a careless person but now he's dead and you've indicated you don't have any ill feeling about him so I wouldn't think you would be looking for revenge here right? Please do the right thing.

Maybe his mom is rude but gosh you've split up with him 6 years ago and he's clearly moved on, she's still more entitled to the money than you, sorry. For the elimination of any doubt, he didn't mean for you to have the money.

The fact that you see it as a gift and this your reaction to his death is a clear sign. People receiving life insurance money are heartbroken. I'm sorry for what you are going through with the fire and everything but it is not your place to take it out on him and his family, and you aren't doing this right.

What would be better would be to sign over the check and then honestly ask for help. Karma is a bitch. It doesn't impact everyone, someone people get away with it in life, but it does impact some people and you've had some bad luck. Think about that.

I had a family member pass away suddenly some years ago and you know what, they didn't have a will, and as a result, it screwed up a lot and caused a ton of stress with allocating their assets, stress my parents honestly didn't want to deal with and shouldn't have had to go through.

His mom just lost her son in an incredibly tragic way. Unless you have another reason for saying she's a bully, this is not bullying. My MIL of over 10 years is awful to me and still, I wouldn't even dream of this, and I don't even consider myself a very good person morally.

She is grieving, maybe financially strapped too (you may not be the only one), and she probably can't imagine an ex from 6 years ago cashing in on her son's death. God, please do the right thing here. You are a huge asshole if you accept this payment. I hope you do the right thing.


YTA. You rarely get promoted with work insurance to update details and most of us just forget we even nominated someone in the first place. You haven’t spoken to him, there’s no hidden meaning in him leaving it to you- it’s clearly an oversight.

You say you’re guilt free - you aren’t because you asked the question here - presumably to assuage your conscience. Sorry but the very fact that you are asking means you know you’re wrong and that it’s not what was intended.

I may be in a minority - time will tell - but you know in your heart that it’s wrong, you want the validation. Of strangers and I would personally try to do what your own conscience is telling you. If you genuinely believe it’s ok - and only you know him here - then that’s up to you. We both know you don’t though.

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit
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