Sibling conflict erupts over brother's toxic relationship with their mother, leading to divorce. AITA?
"AITA for not defending my brother from his ex-wife?"
messy-BIL
I (26 M) have a brother (29 M) who is going through a rather nasty divorce from his wife (30 F) right now that is completely his own fault. My SIL is apparently divorcing him because she got fed up with his lack of respect for her and his relationship with our mother.
I’ve seen what she’s talking about firsthand not just with her but in all his relationships. For context, My brother is the golden child ESPECIALLY to my mom. My parents have always thrown me and my sister (the oldest) to the side for him and his accomplishments and it’s turned him into a giant entitled mommas boy even as a grown man.
I’m not gonna mince words, my brother’s relationship to our mom is unhealthy. He claims I just don’t know what a good mother-son relationship is like (which is fair as my mother doesn’t like me) but they don’t have any boundaries with each other and my mom is overbearing and one of those “I’m the most important woman in my sons life” moms.
She gets competitive with his girlfriends and is plain nasty to all of them, SIL was no different she was just willing to put up with it more until she snapped after a recent incident.
While he was at our parents house, my SIL texted him to discuss custody arrangements for their daughter, it devolved into an argument with him calling her all sorts of names and telling her to grow up with my mom egging him on.
The last thing she texted was “We’ll talk when you take your mom’s tit out of your mouth and stop choking on her milk so you can actually act like a man.” and then blocked him.
He was pissed and telling us about it and I couldn’t help but laugh and I asked what he expected, he’s literally at our mommies house crying to her about it. This really set both him and my parents off and they all yelled at me about not supporting my brother and now none of them are speaking to me.
My sister sides with me and our SIL but says maybe laughing at him when he’s already hurting is an AH thing to do. AITA for not defending my brother?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
74Magick
Nope. I would have pissed myself. My SO is an only child and his mother was not at all nice to me in the beginning of our relationship, but he doesn't play that and pretty much let her know her behavior would not be tolerated. NTA.
diminishingpatience
NTA. "I'm not a mommy's boy. Tell them mommy!"
Zenpora
NTA. I literally laughed out loud at what she said to him, and from the sounds of it, it was completely warranted, which is why it set them off so much.
Ok-Listen-8519
Nope. NTA. Well done. I wonder how he is at work? Does he bring your mom too?? I married someone like that. Didnt last. Divorce is bliss.
The OP responded here:
messy-BIL
Well my dad got him his job and they work together so I guess in a way lmao.
Personal_Sprinkles_3
Sounds like your dad is an issue too?
Again, the OP responded:
messy-BIL
Oh absolutely. He enables my mom’s weird behavior, in this case he doesn’t want to get involved with my brother’s marriage squabbles. Growing up he clearly favored my brother but still made an effort to “hide it” while my mom has always shown genuine vitriol for me and my sister. He doesn’t take much action so I didn’t mention him much here but he is just as wack.
bookgeek1987
I’d take the opportunity to stay as NC with your parents and brother. Like what benefit does staying in contact bring you? You can avoid all this drama and go live your best life. No doubt your brother is going to move back home and be catered to by ‘mummy’ so if you want to stay in contact with them he’ll be part of the package.
I’m sure you can speak to SIL directly and maintain a relationship with his children if you want. No doubt she’ll understand why you’re going NC. Yes what you said was a tad mean, timing wise, but it was honest and he clearly needs a wake up call….
Again, the OP responded:
messy-BIL
I’m not exactly in-contact with them, it’s more just courtesy calls/visits because they’re contributing a little bit financially to my schooling but otherwise I keep it brief with them and don’t engage in any of their stuff.
Their lives have little bearing to mine at this point other than the little bit of money. If they were to stop funding me tho and decided to cut off completely I’m not really stressing about that, would just mean I’d take on a little more cost. 🤷
EnterNameOrEmail
NTA, but it was pretty funny. Maybe he should climb back into mommys womb and cry.
Danube_Kitty
NTA. I would laugh too. Also, the most thing he has hurt is ego. His presumed doormat wife has shining spine. If he really loved her, he wouldn't let your mother to be nasty to her. I am team SIL here.
TNJDude
I'd say NTA. And them not talking to you at the moment should be looked at as icing on the cake. No drama, no headaches, no complaining.... sounds win/win to me.