Mom-to-be uninvites friend to baby shower, then demands, 'where is the food??' AITA?
"AITA for not delivering the food I made to an event I got uninvited to?"
Lookingtohide
Two weeks ago I got invited to a baby shower from a friend who I haven’t seen in years. She moved to another state but had apparently moved back and now is having her baby shower here. I was so excited since I haven’t seen her in so long.
She started a group chat with all the mutuals she invited. She did disclose that this was gonna be a quick and small one since she had just found out she was pregnant when she was 35 weeks with an induction scheduled on her 37th week.
We all started volunteering to be responsible for different things for the baby shower. I said I’ll cook Filipino food and help pay for some of the decor. I sent money to the friend who was in charge of decorating.
I asked mom-to-be how many people are invited besides the ladies in the group chat. She told me 15. There’s 10 of us in group chat including me so I thought I’ll cook for 50 people to be on the safe side just in case she invited a few more.
I started shopping for ingredients for the lumpia, pancit, chicken adobo and rice and a grazing table. I started prepping and coordinating with the decor lady. We figured where we wanted the food and grazing table and told the MTB. She approved.
Now the day before her baby shower, I spent the WHOLE day cooking. I took off the day (I only work part time since I’m the primary caretaker for my baby while my man works.)
Mind you, I had to arrange for my MIL to watch my baby while I did all the cooking and for me to go to the baby shower. I didn’t want to bring my baby since I would be busy with the catering. It was by luck she was off those days.
Then the night before the baby shower, she messaged me on Instagram that she had to ‘make some hard decisions’ and had to uninvite me but still ‘want’ me to drop off the food.
I told her I understand and respect her decision but I will NOT be dropping off the food. She asked me why and I told her it wouldn’t make any sense for me to drive 75 minutes to drop off food to an event I’m no longer invited to.
That the ONLY reason I volunteered to do what I said was because I was invited. She asked me how she was gonna find someone to cater on such a short notice. That it was eff’ed up and hateful. A few friends sided with her while most sided with me. I want to know from a stranger’s perspective if I’m the a-hole?
EDIT :
I don’t know the full story about her pregnancy. She told me that she went to an OB checkup because her period was unusually heavy and long. They found out she was 35 weeks pregnant and was having complications which is why they scheduled an induction.
I’ve already sent the ss of the dms to the 10 mutuals. THREE out of the 10 sided with her which prompted me to post this because maybe I’m missing something. I was being told that I should’ve been ‘an actual friend’. That I should’ve been the bigger person. That she was going thru a rough time with her pregnancy.
MTB never disclosed to me why she had to make a hard decision and why I was uninvited which. The whole point of us 10 volunteering was to take off the burden off her shoulders.
Our mutual friend who was the decor lady was the first one to reach out to me about me not being there since she and I coordinated where the food was going to be at. She’s also the one that told me that MTB was telling her and other people that I got my feelings hurt which is why I didn’t want to come.
She didn’t tell them what hurt my feelings. Or how or when. I was too worn out from prepping and cooking to fire back. I took the peaceful route. I didn’t ask for the money I spent on the decor - my gift I guess. I donated all the food to the women’s and children’s shelter. I figured they’re more deserving. I cook Filipino food all the time plus I got a freezer stash of lumpia.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Secret_Sister_Sarah
NTA. Why tf did she have to make a "hard decision" to uninvite you at the last minute? After you already sent money to pitch in on the decor??!! And after you spent money and time cooking for the event?
Obviously, you're right not to drop it off... I hope you had a good group of people near you to come and help you eat everything you made! (Or good tupperware so you can freeze it for later.) Also, holy moley. "She told me 15. There’s 10 of us in group chat including me so I thought I’ll cook for 50 people" you really don't want anyone to leave hungry, lol.
Lookingtohide (OP)
I wish I can post the screenshot on here because she didn’t say why. She said she thought I was her friend so for me to do this is eff’ed up. I didn’t respond after her asking me who can cater on such a short notice. I was already worn out from cooking.
I like to consider myself a generous person. I wanted to be on the safe side. I wanted her to enjoy the baby shower and not worry about who can’t eat because there’s not enough.
She did tell her our mutuals that I ‘got my feelings hurt and didn’t want to come anymore’. She didn’t tell them what hurt my feelings tho lol. As I said I wish I can post the ss so you guys can read the messages yourself.
jmchaos1
NTA. Screen shot her message(s) to you. Go on to the group chat. “There must be a misunderstanding. You see, as she stated here, due to some difficult decisions that had to be made, I was no longer invited to the baby shower.
Exhausted from all the shopping and cooking, I chose to spend my afternoon at home resting and cleaning up rather than spending 2.5 hours on the road to drop off food I wouldn’t have even been able to enjoy after having prepared it!” And then block her number. Sounds like you have carried on just fine without her the last few years, and you will continue to do so from here on out.
PresentationThat2839
Friend sounds like a massive grifter.... Oh give me free stuff but no you can't come to the thing you spent time and money on.
peakpenguins
"She asked me how she was gonna find someone to cater on such a short notice."
Maybe she should have thought about that before she uninvited the person who was making all the food for her? NTA.
Gennevieve1
She probably had to make another hard decision and either pay someone or go shopping and prepare her own party.