'AITA for choosing not to do my cousin's bridal makeup bc I’m not allowed a plus one?' UPDATED 2X

"AITA for choosing not to do my cousin's bridal makeup bc I’m not allowed a plus one to her wedding?"

My (F28) cousin (F23) is getting married in May. She asked me to do her makeup for her wedding. I’m not a professional MUA, but I’ve done makeup for special events for people I know for years. I will be doing a trial run and then again the day of.

She asked me what I would charge and I offered to do it for free bc she’s family and I wanted to be nice. However, I just did the RSVP and there was no option for a plus one. I have a live in, serious girlfriend and feel like I should be able to attend the wedding with her as my date. I texted my cousin asking about it and she said they’re at full capacity.

I understand not allowing a plus one for everyone if it’s not in the budget, but as someone who is part of the wedding bc I’m doing her makeup, I feel like it would have been courteous to allow me a plus one. It is her big day, we aren’t close at all though and I don’t even care to attend a wedding without my girlfriend. Thoughts? AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

loopypandtied wrote:

Given your cousin is ALSO gay (so this isn't homophobia) YTA it's a family wedding so it's not like you don't know anyone else there. "No ring no bring" is a common (if outdated) way of determining which guests bring a plus 1.

I myself have attended family weddings alone due to this rule even though I'd been with my partner for longer than the bride and groom have known each other. For smaller weddings, sometimes even spouses aren't invited if the couple don't know them and the invited knows other guests at the wedding. Plus ones can be a pain if you're having fewer than like 40 guests.

Savings-Breath-9118 wrote:

There’s so many factors here you haven’t discussed. Do other people get +ones? How big is the wedding?

If it’s a 200-person wedding and her third cousin is getting to bring their boyfriend and you can’t bring your girlfriend that’s a different story from a 50-person wedding with just close family and friends. Does your cousin even know your partner? It has a lot to do with the relationship relationships involved that you’re not mentioning.

Thatsaclevername wrote:

YTA - You said it yourself, you're not close. If they're at capacity you have to accept that "my cousins long term live in girlfriend" gets the axe before a lot of other people, make up or not.

FacetiousTomato wrote:

YTA. You're not part of the wedding because you're doing makeup any more than the photographer is part of the wedding because they're taking photos, or the caterers are because they're making food.

The wedding party is part of the wedding, and that is about it. She offered to pay you, and you declined. You can't then turn around and make demands about it. Particularly because you even said, you are not at all close.

Not long after posting OP, shared an update:

ETA: I accept that the majority of you think I’m TA. I haven’t said anything to her about not doing her makeup and still planned on doing it, I just don’t want to. I have never been to a wedding where I wasn’t allowed a plus one, and honestly feel like it’s tacky, but I see the other side of the coin as well. I’ll more than likely do her makeup and leave the wedding pretty early. Thanks for the input.

A bit later, OP shared yet another update:

ETA again lol: I don’t actually think I’m part of the wedding. I'm more meant that I’m playing a big part in her wedding day. Even if I were not doing her makeup, I would still want my partner there as my plus one. It’s really not that relevant but when she asked if I’d do her makeup, it was more or less phrased like she would even be willing to pay me a bit.

And bc it’s really no sweat off my back I offered to do it for free bc she’s younger than me and I’m sure on a budget. But it was never a professional type of situation like a lot of you are making it out to be. I’m not a random photographer or person only invited bc I’m “working."

We aren’t close, but we aren’t super distant.

It just stung a little that I wasn’t included a plus one, especially bc my gf and I were excited to celebrate a lesbian couple as lesbians.

I have anxiety about all the family I’m going to be seeing who I no longer associate with and now know I’ll be spending the evening small talking and feeling anxious instead of having fun and celebrating love with my partner. I’m fully aware it’s not about me personally. I was just annoyed af when I posted this.

Here's what people had to say to OP's update:

Jealous_animator5884 wrote:

Honestly, I’ll go against the grain a bit here having just got married 6 months ago. NTA to be bothered by this at all. It’s not like you made her feel bad or took back the gift. You’re just irritated about your gf not getting invited.

My wife and I didn’t do plus 1s to our wedding, we straight up invited the significant other of any of our friends and family that are in serious relationships. Even some of my friends who I hadn’t seen in a while but I knew they were in a relationship. I went on social media to get the correct spelling of their names and included them on the invite with my friend. Even if we hadn’t met them yet.

Especially, if yall live together I feel like it’s just a common courtesy to invite both. I’m not saying your cousin is obligated to by any means because it’s her wedding, but I think it’s totally valid to feel some type of way about it.

OP responded:

Thank you. Everyone is so black and white here acting like I’m a selfish and evil spirited for expecting a plus one. I was just bothered by it, I’m not planning on fucking up her wedding day bc of it. I will have to put a lot of time and effort into not only doing her makeup, but also my outfit, getting there, getting a gift, etc. I just wish I knew I could enjoy the actual party with my partner.

Deniskitter wrote:

NTA. I think it is the rudest, tackiest, and most disrespectful thing to ask someone to come to a wedding alone. Period. I will not go to a wedding where my partner is not invited. Period. I would RSVP no, tell her you are spending the day with your partner, and she needs to find someone else to do her makeup. She straight up wants to be disrespectful?

You don't owe her your time or effort. People who disrespect you should not get your attention. A wedding is about love and respect. Asking someone to go to that alone is a slap in the face. "Hey, come watch me talk all about my love but you can't bring yours because I want more presents so instead of inviting couples and I am making people come alone and saying I am at capacity."

Blossom74s wrote:

NTA. Where is everyone getting that the bride offered to pay OP? Because she didn't. The bride asked what OP would charge, which is not the same as saying I will pay you x amount, sorry it's not more. OP then told her cousin she would do it for free. Which is what the bride was angling for. Why tf else do you people think she was asked? Y'all are ridiculous.

OP absolutely should've had a plus one. The fact that she doesn't is a slap in the face. OP you do not have to attend the wedding or reception because you are doing the bride's makeup. Do her makeup and bounce just like any other MUA.

There will be family there you do not speak to and have been no-contact with, your partner won't be with you, and an invitation is not a summons. Personally, I would still do the makeup but would skip the wedding and reception.