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Woman seeks divorce following husband's lack of support when his kids openly mock her. AITA?

Woman seeks divorce following husband's lack of support when his kids openly mock her. AITA?

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"AITA for not doing anything for my step children anymore after being called names and filing for a divorce from my husband after he didn’t back me up?"

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I 30F have been married to my 34M husband for 6 years and he has twins, a boy and a girl and they’re 16 now. When we started dating/got married we went to family therapy and I made it clear that I was not trying to be their mother or replace their mother. Their mother hasn’t been in their life since they were about 8.

Things have been great with us these past 6 years. They even started calling me mom when they were around 12/13. Recently their bio mother came back into their lives and they were really excited.

Things were great for about 6 months and then they started to call me by my real name, that hurt but it’s what they chose to do and I never questioned it. Recently they’ve been getting very disrespectful.

They don’t follow the curfew rules, they’re not cleaning up after themselves, they’re talking back to me, telling me I’m not their real mom, that I’m the reason she left (which is not true, I didn’t meet him until almost a year and half after she left) that now that she’s back they don’t need me anymore, 3 weeks ago there was a big blow up where my (step) son called me a the B word.

I took his phone and told him to his room until his dad came back but instead he ran out and went to his mom’s. She came over and it was a big argument. She tried to hit me and I pushed her out of my house. My (step) daughter told me if I ever put my hands on her mom again then she’d kick my ass. They both went to their mom’s place.

After that, I haven’t been very active. I usually take them to sports and activities, I don’t wake them up for school so they’ve been late a few times. I tell them to have their mom wake them up and take them.

We were supposed to go to Disney World for their spring break this week but I canceled everything. I told them and my husband and I guess they thought I was bluffing. We were supposed to leave Thursday night and when I didn’t start the usual vacation round up they were shocked.

They started saying I was jealous that their mom came back in their lives, that I’m a horrible person, I’m selfish, there was some name calling and my husband was silent. I asked him if he was going to step in and he said I was wrong for canceling.

I left and went to stay in a hotel. He has been blowing my phone up asking me to come back and yesterday he told me that their mother disappeared again and they’ve been calling me crying and apologizing.

I don’t want to do this anymore… I don’t feel like I’m part of their family and they can’t Just cry and come back now that she disappeared. I told my husband that I want a divorce and I’ll be back over this week to get my things but we have nothing to talk about.

Yes, I know their mother was manipulating them. I never said otherwise. Yes, they are 16… that doesn’t give them the right to treat me this way. Being 16 doesn’t mean you get to be disrespectful and threaten me. I have always been in their corner.

I know their feelings matter in this but I am also a person with feelings. I am not only considering or moving forward with this divorce based on how the children acted, it is also that my husband did not back me up in this… if I can’t count on him to help me navigate this tough situation that we were all going through… then why should I stay?

That does not mean that I should be treated the way I was being treated… that is not normal 16 year old behavior… to threaten me? Call me vile names? I just need time for myself.

And I don’t want an apology just because their bio mother ran out on them again… I want an apology because they really mean it and I don’t believe anyone can be truly sorry 2 days after their mother vanished again.

I would never Just abandon them… but I do need time for myself because my feelings were disregarded. Yes I am an adult but I still have feelings that were hurt and need time for myself.

I never asked or expected them to be perfect. I never expected them to be the most mature people but I am allowed to be hurt and take time for myself during all of this. They have feelings and so do I.

I love them very much, they are my children but this is a very complicated situation. This is not because “they called me the B word” I’ve been called worse, I’m a woman.

This is ultimately about my husband not backing me up during this situation and yes, I am hurt that they called me that I’m allowed to be… it hurts even worse coming from two people who I love dearly and would never hurt or want any harm to come to them.

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:

No-Personality5421

NTA. If your husband stepped up and actually parented his children, then he wouldn't be looking forward to his second divorce and being a single parent.

CharlotteLucasOP

If biomom hadn’t done her disappearing act again I wonder if he’d even be calling OP to beg her to come back…

Ladymysterie

Biomom knew she "won" so she checked out.

Vegetable-Cod-2340

It was clear was biomom was doing, but to disappear after she convinced her kids to blow up their home life, just seems do messed up. I can see doing that if biomom had plans to get her family back, but to leave , when they need her.

I hope these kids realize what kind of person their mom really is and that their dad gets them the help they need to deal with this. Op, you’re not wrong to leave, the moment the disrespect started your husband should have stepped up.

TheFishermansWife22

It’s because (Step) Mom stopped doing the heavy lifting. They started asking their mom to pick up the slack and then all of a sudden being a mom again wasn’t fun and she bounced. Classic.

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit
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