'AITA for refusing to go to my mom’s house after she said she might need 911?' UPDATED

"AITA for not driving to my mom’s house after she said she might need 911 and then went silent?"

I’m 22F. Last night my mom called and said she wasn’t feeling well; she was nauseous, raspy sounding, stuttering, throwing up, and said, “I think I might need to call 911.” As a nursing student myself I asked questions to understand what was going on. She said she didn’t have chest pain or breathing issues, and that her heart and lungs felt fine. She mentioned she had eaten meatloaf and an edible earlier.

Based on that, I told her it could be a bad reaction to the edible or a panic response. I offered to call 911 for her, but she said no, that she didn’t want anyone to see her without clothes on.

Then she asked me to come over. I paused and asked, “For what?” trying to understand what she needed from me. She didn’t answer the question. Her tone changed completely, and she said, “Never mind, don’t worry about it. I need to focus. Love you,” and hung up.

She hasn’t responded to any texts or calls since. I considered driving to her place (it’s about 45 minutes away) but she’s done similar things in the past where she creates urgency and then disengages. It’s hard to tell when it’s a genuine emergency versus emotional pressure. I decided if I didn’t hear back by morning, I’d call in a wellness check.

Still, I’m wondering if I should’ve just gone anyway. I don’t want to assume the worst, but I also don’t want to keep falling into emotionally manipulative situations either.

AITA for not going up there personally to check on her because of her patterns?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

OriginalZone4276 said:

Why would you wait till the next morning? Call in for a wellness check now.

Wise_Session_5370 said:

NTA. Your mother is attention seeking and emotionally manipulating you. I recognised the pattern straight away after dealing with my father, who did exactly the same thing for decades.

OP responded:

Thank you. It’s a continuation of a pattern that I’ve dealt with my entire life. My mother is extremely emotionally dependent on me and I am getting more and more emotionally burnt out. I cannot be her emotional crutch for the rest of my life, and I cannot parent her for any longer. I love her dearly, but this is the first time I’ve ever not came to her rescue.

Signal_Wall_8445 said:

NTA, and the people telling you that you should have reacted more have obviously been lucky enough to have lived a life without a relative like your mother. The whole point of her call was a test to see how much control she has over you.

this1weirdgirl said:

I mean stuttering and throwing up doesn't sound like manipulation to me but that was "last night", what happened?

And OP responded:

I understand how it might sound without the full context, but it wasn’t just the vomiting or stuttering, it was the very sudden shift in her tone and behavior. One minute she’s panicked and asking me to come over, the next she’s calm, coherent, completely normal sounding, and says “nevermind, don’t worry about it,” and hangs up.

That kind of emotional 180 is part of a long pattern I’ve experienced with her, she escalates a situation to pull me in, then flips it or acts like nothing happened. It’s not that I don’t care, it’s that I’ve learned to be cautious when the panic suddenly disappears like that. I’ve been dealing with it since I was a child.

She later shared this update:

The police were called and my mother is okay. She’s very upset that I didn’t go up there to see her, and she doesn’t want to communicate anymore. She says she’s alone and no one cares about her and that I broke her heart.

Honestly, as messed up as it seems, I’m really relieved. I’m even more relieved that my mother is okay, but I think it’s best as well that my mother and I pause communication for a while to heal. Thank you all for your thoughts.