"AITA for not eating my mother-in-law's food?"
I (24F) have been together with my boyfriend (29M) for 3 years now. We are from different cultural backgrounds, although it's not very noticeable in our everyday lives or in the relationship in general.
I have been a vegetarian for 10 years now. It was something I chose in my early teens, as I have always felt a deep connection to animals. It was always respected by my family and was never a problem in our household.
That said - I have always, and I mean ALWAYS, respected everyone's personal decisions. I would never even suggest to someone that they should become a vegetarian - that is not my choice, not my life, and not my business.
So, I have obviously gotten to know my boyfriend's family well during the 3 years that we have been together. I like them all a lot - even love them. His father is welcoming and warm, his siblings are funny and kind, and all of them try to help me understand all of their conversations (me and my boyfriend have different native languages).
The only issue I have experienced is with his mother. Don't get me wrong, I like his mother, I really do; however, there has been one recurring problem that has grown more evident throughout the years.
The main topic of conflict between me and my boyfriend's mother is the fact that my "MIL" is always trying to serve me meat. She insists on serving me dishes with either larger pieces of meat, or sometimes even disguises it by mixing small chunks of meat throughout the dish.
She has also insisted that a meal is vegetarian while actually using broth made from meat and bones. She usually says that something is vegetarian, so that I will try it, and later reveals that it is actually made from meat.
I understand that it sometimes can be difficult to know which products are vegetarian and which are not. The issue, however, is that I have tried, time and time again, to explain and clarify what I can and cannot eat. The first few times I visited their home, I had to turn down food with meat in it and explain why. After that, she started "hiding" the fact that some dishes are made with meat.
My boyfriend has stood up for me a few times and told his mom off for continuing to serve me meat-based food, as it can also cause my stomach to become quite upset. He has, however, also said that it is considered rude of me to refuse to eat his mother's food and has explained her actions as a difference in culture.
He has even been mad at me for implying that his mom can't cook, or that I don't respect their culture. I, of course, do not refuse to eat everything my "MIL" cooks, but at some point, I started getting frustrated and suspicious of some of the things she cooks.
I have even asked my boyfriend if I can cook, or at least help cook, my own meal (this did not help the situation). I understand that there are cultural differences, and I really do not want to come off as rude, inconsiderate or ungrateful, as she is hosting us both when we visit their home. But at some point, I feel like I need to stand up for myself. So, AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
ParadeQueen said:
It's not a cultural thing, his mom is just a b. She knows exactly what she's doing as evidenced by the fact that she tries to hide it and she lies to you. That's not culture. And your boyfriend is an AH for trying to say it is.
He needs to quit making excuses for Mommy and set some boundaries. And if I were you I wouldn't trust anything that she makes. She would probably dip a salad in some chicken broth just to get at you.
freshmoney1 said:
NTA. Someone who lies to you about something you’re putting in your body does not deserve an ounce of your consideration. I wouldn’t eat another meal with her and your boyfriend should be backing you up or else you should really reconsider being with him.
delfinis7 said:
That's not a misunderstanding, that's sabotage. You've been way too polite.
CrazyOldBag said:
NTA. However, this is a losing proposition. Your boyfriend has told you it’s rude to not eat his mother’s food, so your relationship is not going to survive unless you stop being vegetarian. The clash of cultures is apparently too much for him. If the bf were to cut off his family for you, there would be resentment and anger. Your best bet here is to end the relationship.
KetoLurkerHereAgain said:
NTA. She probably wants her son to be with someone from their culture and is being passive-aggressive about it.
JustWowinCA said:
This, and I'm saying this with all kindness and sincerity, is a red flag. You have a boyfriend problem in addition to his mom being a problem. So, you are writing this because you know what the answer is, but as your friendly internet person I'll underline the answer for you. Stay with him and be disrespected, or leave. You're NTA.