'AITA for not footing the bill for a birthday dinner after my friend ordered enough for a small country?'
"AITA for not footing the bill for a birthday dinner after my friend ordered enough sushi for a small country?"
English isn’t my first language, so sorry if anything sounds off. I just need an outside opinion. My friend Beth recently turned 18 and had a birthday dinner at a fancy restaurant. There were about 15 or 20 of us. She is really close with two girls, Lia and Kat. They have been best friends for years and have this very intense, no-boundaries type of friendship.
They go through each other’s phones, eat off each other’s plates, that kind of thing. I met them last year when uni started. I am not used to that. Even with friends I have known forever, I ask before I touch their stuff or try their food. The trio teases me for this habit & they say I am too formal.
At dinner, Lia, told everyone to order whatever they wanted and that it was all covered. I asked if she was sure and she said, “Me saying it is the same as Beth saying it.” It felt a bit off, but I let it go.
I just ordered a Coke and shared some of what was on the table.
I asked Lia if I could get a beer and she gave me a weird look and said, “Idk” So I asked Beth, and she said I could but that her parents do not like alcohol, so I would need to pay for it myself. I said that was not a problem but still was getting dirty looks from Lia (maybe she wanted a beer too but didn’t want to pay idk) so ended up not ordering it to avoid more awkwardness.
Meanwhile, Lia and Kat kept ordering a lot of sushi. I love sushi too, but for a group that size, it did not seem practical. I just ate whatever was already there and had a good time. Later, I saw Beth sitting with my friend Millie and she looked really upset. Her mom had called and was angry because the bill was much higher than expected. Beth said Lia went overboard with the ordering and now she had to deal with it.
I felt really bad said maybe next time she could plan a set menu or do the ordering herself. We stayed with her, comforted her, and tried to help her feel better. Lia was across the room laughing acting like nothing happened. The bill got paid and we all left. Millie and I just gave each other that look like, “That was wild,” and moved on.
A few days later, Lia sent me angry texts. She said Millie and I were stirring up drama and trying to come between her and Beth and ruined her rep in front of Beth’s parents. She also said that if we felt so bad for Beth, we should send her mom the money. I was honestly shocked. We did not say anything bad about Lia. We just tried to be kind when Beth was upset.
I told her no. Respectfully, we are broke uni students & we were not the ones telling people to order freely. Now everything is awkward and tense and I hate it. I want to sort it out, but I do not think I should be blamed for all of it right? Sorry if this all sounds like petty high school drama. Should I have just paid to keep the peace?
TL;DR: Friend’s birthday dinner got out of hand. I barely ordered anything, comforted her when she got upset, and now another friend says I caused drama and should help pay. I said no. AITA?
The internet did not hold back their thoughts.
ThePhilVv wrote:
I wouldn't be involving myself with Lia any longer, if I were you. She sounds, to be honest, like a total brat. She went ape shit spending a ton of someone else's money, told everyone else to spend a ton of that person's money, and then when it came back to bite her in the ass, she lashed out at people who had nothing to do with it.
To put it bluntly, this chick is a total drama queen. She causes problems then thrives off the ensuing chaos. That's not someone you need in your life. You're NTA, and did nothing wrong here. Beth could easily have told her friend to chill out with the ordering, and absolutely should have taken control when the situation was getting out of hand.
You didn't participate in the ordering, you barely ate anything, and you didn't even order a single drink you wanted. If you want to, you can try to compensate them for what YOU ate, if you can remember, but then I'd never go out with these folks as a group again.
OP responded:
Thank you and you’re so right. The thing is I did ask Beth if I can compensate her for my part of the bill and she said it was not necessary and I didn’t owe her anything. This is all just Lia’s tangent.
duckoffthanks wrote:
NTA and I’d cut Lia out. She spoke for Beth and told everyone it was essentially a free for all. She continued to hijack the dinner and order more food than needed. And now that Beth’s parents are mad and you provided comfort she’s lashing out cause she knows she’s the issue.
owls_and_cardinals wrote:
Of course NTA. You did nothing wrong. Lia is just facing consequences of her actions and is lashing out. Her behavior is sooo weird, starting with the 'Me saying it is like Beth saying it.' which OBVIOUSLY was quickly proven false. You were super mindful of your ordering, and did not contribute to the egregious overspend.
As long as Beth knows that, you're good. If Lia is so worried about her 'rep', she should make better choices. As for the call to pitch in financially to ease the strain, that's laughable. I probably would not even reply with anything other than like a cry-laughing emoji, or "Your over-ordering and taking advantage of another person's generosity is not my problem to solve."
Individual_Ad_9213 wrote:
NTA. You weren't hosting this party. You weren't the one who went wild ordering stuff. It sounds more like Lia was upset and needed/wanted to take it out on someone rather than to accept the consequences for her (and her friends') failure to keep things under control.