AITA for not wanting to forgive my parents who used to be amazing, because of one mistake they made in the past?
"AITA for not wanting to forgive my parents who used to be amazing, because of one mistake they made in the past?"
Child_NC_Parents
Growing up, my parents used to be these amazing parents who were very attentive and caring to me and my siblings. Except with an exception: that the two of them would always have their phones on “Do Not Disturb” from 10:00pm - 7:00am. And they told us it’s because they value their free time and sleep, and don’t want to be disturb during the night.
Which was okay, at first, until I was stuck in a situation where I really needed their help. Around three years ago, when I was 18, I got this job as a server where I would work until 1:00am. And I was expected to drive myself home.
However, one day, I got into a car accident after work, and got pretty badly injured. To the point that I’ll never fully recover to this day, as I now have life-lasting injuries and is considered as “disabled.”
And I was hoping that, just this once, my parents would answer me. Because I was scared, and wanted someone close to me to be there for me. But, as expected, it automatically went into voice mail and they never picked up.
And that night, I also called other family members to ask them to contact my family or to come with me. And the only ones who was willing to come by to see me immediately was my grandparents, and they also tried to call my parents as well. But, as expected, they couldn’t reach them either.
So, it wasn’t until around the next day at 7:00am where my parents finally heard what happened to me. But by then, I already felt like it was too late because they wouldn’t respond after so long.
And I was always out of surgery and awake by the time my parents finally came to the hospital, so I never felt like I really got their support because I already did with my grandparents who was there for me from the start.
And ever since then, I couldn’t think about my parents as “amazing” anymore, and I couldn’t forgive them for making me feel abandoned. Even if I knew that they would never pick up their phone in the middle of the night, because they told me so beforehand.
And ever since then, I was distant and refused to let them do anything with me, like taking me to physical therapy or my doctors’ appointment. And I only wanted my grandparents’ help.
And within the last month, after recovering enough to finally be able to go find another job that accommodated my disabilities and making enough money, I finally moved out of my parents’ house and went NC with them.
And my parents and grandparents seemed to have an issue with that, because they are telling me that I’m being too harsh. Especially since my parents profusely apologized, and promised to keep their phones available at all times.
And I know they have kept their promise to this day, since I know from my siblings that they can call them in the middle of the night, and my parents would now answer the phone, even if it’s past 10:00pm.
However, that one event is something I feel like I can never forgive them for. And while I feel bad for making my grandparents sad for not wanting to forgive my parents, I can’t bring myself to do so after they made me feel so abandoned.What do you think? AITA?
EDIT:
Wow, I did not expect this post to blow up in the way that it did. But I do know that some of you have some questions that I wished I realized to answer sooner, which probably sounds ironic considering I should have been looking over my Reddit post.
To answer the questions relating to what my grandparents didn’t just go to my parents house directly, it was because they felt like they needed to stay in the hospital for me throughout the whole 6 hours my parents couldn’t be there for me.
When it came to my injuries, I was in a serious enough condition where I wasn’t completely conscious enough -as in going in and out of consciousness- to make decisions on my own. So my grandparents had to be the one to directly talk to the medical staff on my behalf during the times that I couldn’t.
And about why I couldn’t just call my siblings, or why no one bothered to call them, it was because my siblings were too young to be contact. I won’t explain the complications of my family life, but I am the oldest of four but I have a rather big age gap from me and my sibling who is the second oldest, which is a 8 year gap.
Which meant that, by the time this happened, my siblings were about 10 years old when this happened. And the other two were 5 years and one that was barely 1 years old (11 months, to be exact).
And I don’t think that anyone would want to call a 10 year old about begging them for their parents to get to the hospital, because their oldest sibling is dying in a hospital. It would have been too traumatizing for a young child like them to hear that. I hope these answered your questions, but feel free to ask more if you like.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
gooderj
As a parent, I just don’t understand this. My phone goes on to “do not disturb” at 11pm. It allows calls through from my wife, kids and a few of my very close friends. For everyone else, all they have to do is call me twice and it’ll get through. I have gotten up at 3am to go fetch a cousin whose boyfriend was drunk. I would definitely be available 24/7 for my wife and kids.
Which-Marzipan5047
Yeah, the issue isn't that they used the "do not disturb" feature, it's that they didn't change the settings so that shit like this wouldn't happen. There are settings like yours, and you can just tell the kids "only call if it's an emergency".
cedrella_black
Yeah, the parents already ingrained in their children that they value their free time and don't want to be called past 10pm. Why they thought that modifying their settings will result in their kids calling them at 12 am for no reason?
Soggy_Boss_6136
NTA. However, you have some trauma here. I think it's worth discussing the grudge with a qualified therapist. You want to accomplish 2 things: exorcise the anger and abandonment you feel and felt, but also re-learn to accept your parents as fallible humans that they are.
_oooOooo_
Totally agree. This is a trauma therapy thing. OP clearly needs to work thru the resentment they feel towards parents. Everything they said is justified and understandable. It's ok to have feelings around this very real life event amd it's going to take time to work thru them. Wishing OP all the best, this is so sad.
flyingdemoncat
So their kid was working till 1 am and they could peacefully sleep not knowing if they made it home okay. Not even being available for emergencys?! Besides this horrible accident there are so many other things that could have gone wrong.
It just seems irresponsible not to be available after 10pm. What if you went to a party and needed help? Or a customer wouldn't leave you alone and threaten you? I am glad that they have learned but I wouldn't trust them anytime soon either.