AITA for not forgiving my friends after they ruined my birthday?' 'MY personality is the problem?'

"AITA for not forgiving my friends after they ruined my birthday and then told me my personality is the problem?"

A few days ago, it was my birthday. I planned a small lunch with my two friends. We’ve been friends for four years, and we’re just really close (we joke about how we're luckily not a “duo in a trio” situation). They have a habit of always being late, so I begged them to be on time just this once. I specifically asked them to come by 3:00 because the restaurant I picked is a fancy place that closes at 4.

That day, I was near the place getting my nails done. When I finished, they texted me saying they had “left,” so I rushed to get to the restaurant. But when I called after reaching, I found out they actually hadn’t even left their houses yet.

I was annoyed, but I waited. I was waiting outside but by 3:30 I entered the restaurant and the waiter told me the kitchen was about to close in 5 minutes, so my only option was to order quickly without them.

When my friend finally arrived, I just broke down crying. I know I’m sensitive, but I was hurt and frustrated, so I decided to just go home. I wasn’t hungry anymore, and maybe a more mature person would’ve just gone somewhere else, but I couldn’t.

Both friends came home with me. They gave a short apology and suggested other places, but I wasn’t in the mood to eat. Yes, I should’ve spoken to them properly when they apologized, but after 5 minutes of barely trying, they went into my room “to give me space.”

That upset me more, because I felt abandoned. Later that evening, I had more friends coming over, so I distracted myself by decorating. They were there but didn’t really talk to me.

The next day, I explained why I was hurt and said I wished they had made more of an effort to make it up to me. Instead of resolving things, they sent me long passive-aggressive paragraphs about how I'm too sensitive and I go quiet when upset, that it's immature and makes it seem like I think the world revolves around me.

They even called me rude for ignoring them as house guests, but to me, they’re like family and which guest would go into my room unannounced? They also said I dragged it out for too long, that I was being irrational, and I could’ve just gone to another place with them. I never expected them to “suck up” to me (their words).

I just wanted some comfort and for them to sit with me, not leave me alone. Who goes into a different room when their friend is crying, even if they're quiet and not responding? Now I feel like they’ve secretly resented me for a while and used this situation to unload everything, since they brought up a LOT of other issues they have with my personality.

It hurts me because I always speak about them to others with love and respect and the idea that they've been criticizing me for a while behind my back really hurts me. If they had issues they could've just told me before why use this disagreement to dump it all on me. So now I don’t know what to do. Am I immature and sensitive for being so hurt? Should I continue being their friend or is it better to walk away? AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

kittycatgorl12 said:

NTA. These girls don’t sound like your friends. The highest form of love is consideration.

barnfodder said:

NTA. So they stand you up, lie to you about being on the way, follow you home, invade your private space, then list all your personality flaws at you? Unless theres a ton of missing context, it's pretty obvious that these people are terrible, terrible friends.

49_TIF_5 said:

NTA. Of course there could be context missing here, but with what I’ve read, you’re not the ahole. They don’t respect your time, or your feelings here.

UpstairsWait483 said:

Those people aren’t your friends. They don’t care about you. You need to stop hanging out with them. Nothing good will come of you allowing them to treat you like garbage. Don’t forgive them. Find new friends. NTA.

Flat_Ad_4950 said:

NTA. But please stop calling those people friends. They don't seem to give a crap about You. Your time and feelings. Then they make you the bad guy telling you that all of you could have gone somewhere else.

That is absolute BS if they would have respected your time then they would have been there ON time and you could have enjoyed your meal together. Stop letting people treat you like crap.

kuchiikopii7 said:

NTA. I’m someone who has always struggled with time management (ADHD). But if my friend pressed upon me the importance of being on time that day, I would dedicate more effort to ensure I was on time. Setting alarms to remind me what time it is and when I should head out the door, doing my hair first, etc. The last thing I would want to do is ruin her day bc of my issues.

But, if I still ended up being late, then I would sincerely apologize. If my friend is still upset, then I would let her feel what she feels. Any real friend would have taken accountability—not make you the problem bc you didn’t let their half-assed apology be a bandaid.

And using this situation, which is their screw up, as an excuse to dump on you all their grievances? No. You’re not in the wrong here for being upset something you were looking forward to was ruined by their lack of consideration. Find other friends who pour as much into the friendship as you do.