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'AITA for not forgiving my mom for stealing my inheritance?'

'AITA for not forgiving my mom for stealing my inheritance?'

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"AITA for not forgiving my mom for stealing my inheritance?"

GodUssop56

I (28M) recently found out about a huge betrayal from my mom (56F) and I don't know what to do. So, my grandparents were really great people, they worked hard all their lives and saved a lot of money.

They weren’t rich, but they managed to save enough to leave some money for me and my siblings (30F and 25M) when they passed away five years ago. My mom was the executor of the will.

Not long after my grandparents died, she told us there were unexpected debts and expenses that needed to be paid off first. We trusted her, she’s our mom after all, and we didn’t really question her too much because we were grieving.

But over the years, I noticed my mom’s lifestyle got way better. She paid off her mortgage, bought a new car, and went on some fancy vacations. I thought maybe she came into some money or got really good at managing her finances.

A few months ago, I was helping my parents clean out their attic and I found some old documents that showed the actual amount of the inheritance. It was way more than what my mom told us.

I was so confused and felt really betrayed. After thinking about it for a while, I confronted her.At first, she denied everything, but then she broke down and admitted it.

She used a big chunk of the inheritance for herself. She said she did it for the family and that she planned to pay us back eventually and she used the money to make sure we had a stable home.

She even said the vacations were to relieve the stress and grief of losing her parents.I’m devastated. It’s not just about the money. It’s the lying, the breach of trust, and the fact that she put herself first.

My siblings have been more forgiving. They say she’s our mom, she did what she thought was best, and we should move on. They think I’m being too harsh and that holding onto this anger will only hurt me. But I just can’t let it go.

Every time I think about it, I get so angry and feel betrayed. It’s messed up my relationship with her to the point where I haven’t talked to her since the confrontation.

Family gatherings are super awkward now, with my siblings and dad trying to make peace. So, Reddit, AITA for not forgiving my mom and refusing to speak to her? My siblings think I’m overreacting, but I can’t shake this feeling of betrayal. What should I do?

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:

No-Neighborhood-7611

NTA mom had a duty to disperse the funds according to the will, but instead she broke the law and your trust by stealing. She doesn't get to say the money was used on the family when she was the that benefited the most.

I would get attorney and see what can and should be done. Her parents had a will and made their wishes for their money quite explicit and by going against those wishes she also betrayed them.

elcad

Get a lawyer.

Specific_Anxiety_343

NTA. Her behavior was inexcusable and unlawful. She stole your money. That’s a crime - definitely theft and probably fraud. As executor, she breached her fiduciary duty to you and the other heirs.

Consult an attorney. ASAP. There is a statute of limitations that gives you a deadline by which to sue. Even if you eventually decide not to go forward, you should know what your rights and remedies are.

NationalJournalist42

Nta. Go nc, she betrayed/stole from you and your family.

The OP responded here:

GodUssop56

I was stuck at my parent's house after a breakup, so I'll go no contact ASAP.

PurpleStar1965

If she was the executor of the will she had a fiduciary responsibility to uphold the terms of the will and make the appropriate monetary disbursements. What she did is actually illegal. You need to contact a probate attorney and see what legal recourse you have.

saintandvillian

NTA. Tell your siblings that the fact that you haven’t sued her is as far as you’re willing to go. And then ask them why you should forgive her because she’s family when she had no issues with stealing from you and robbing you blind while being family.

KimB-booksncats-11

You should be angry and feel betrayed. Your Mom stole from you and your siblings and then consistently LIED to you over the years. Families can be very quick to sweep uncomfortable subjects under the rug. (I have WAAAY too much experience with this.)

You are NOT required to. Heck, part of the reason we went no contact with my Mom's side of the family was because they refused to acknowledge their fault in anything. (And boy was there a lot of fault.) NTA.

What you do now is up to you. Personally I don't think I could trust her again after that. Low or no contact is fair. She should be thanking her lucky stars you aren't going nuclear and suing her for the money she stole. (Wouldn't blame you if you did that, too.) Kinda depends on what kind of relationship you want with her and your siblings.

Ok_Homework8692

NTA get a lawyer, the reason you know is you accidentally found the paperwork. Your mother is a thief and the only reason she's sorry is because she got caught.

You can give her a chance to make restitution after a lawyer looks over the paperwork but otherwise I'd be pressing charges. Buying herself things and taking herself on vacation is not for the benefit of the family, it's for the benefit of the embezzler.

mamabearzlife

NTA. My grandma passed in 2020 and left money for each grandkid, all 7 of us. The rest was to be split between her 3 kids. My dad, aunt and uncle. Well my dad passed in 2016. Grandma gave me and my brother 2000 each from my dad.

She said the ret will be split between her other 2 children. I was more then ok with that. Will when she passed if grandkid got 1000. Cool. Thanks Grandma. Well 4 months later my brother asked did I get any other money.

I said no. He said we were to get our dad's inheritance. I told him what my grandma said, he said she told him different. He called our aunt and she called her brother. Turned out we were to get our dad's inheritance. 3500 each. Not a lot but it helped towards the end of lockdown. Still would rather have my grandma back. But now my uncle won't talk to me.

If u want the money, talk to an attorney but be prepare to loose ur mom and siblings. Know that ur trust in ur mom is gone but do u still want her in ur life. If so then work on letting the angry go. Don't forget just forgive.

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit
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