'AITA for not getting my BF’s family Christmas gifts after the costs of his graduation dinner?'

"AITA for not getting my bf’s family Christmas gifts after they split the bill at his college graduation dinner?"

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 6 years. His parents are the most financially unstable individuals I’ve ever met. They live so out of their means it’s sickening. Last weekend my boyfriend graduated from college.

My family traveled 6 hours to be there and I told my boyfriend in advance that his parents should expect to pay for his entire graduation dinner. The topic of “how expensive is dinner” got brought up countless times. My BF felt so bad he ended up picking a wing spot for dinner.

His parents STILL asked to split the bill at this dinner. Mind you, my graduation dinner was $500 and my parents would have never made anyone else pay a portion of this. The total amount for my family’s portion of his graduation dinner was $56. I was outraged. Fast forward today (one week later), and his family is at T-Mobile upgrading to the latest iPhone.

The out-of-pocket cost today is almost $400 and they have no problem adding that to their debt. This was my final straw. I told my boyfriend I would not be giving his family any Christmas gifts because of this. I don’t think it was fair to ask my family to pay for anything during his graduation celebration, and I consider this extremely rude. Am I in the wrong?

ETA- My bf’s parents INVITED us to the dinner. I did not say they should pay for every meal. I pulled him aside and told him they should *expect* to pay for the one meal they invited us all to, since they invited us and we had paid for many other expenses to be there.

They paid for the friends he invited to this dinner. They just did not pay for my family. My family has no problem paying for anything. They love my bf and wanted to support him. They did not expect anyone to pay for anything. I just thought it was rude and disheartening for his family to not plan their spending accordingly.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

WoodyforestT wrote:

YTA.

"and I told my boyfriend in advance that his parents should expect to pay for his entire graduation dinner."

Why? That's none of your business.

"His parents STILL asked to split the bill at this dinner."

OK. They're not generous. And/or they're cheap or broke. Noted.

"I was outraged."

Weird thing to be "outraged" about. Let. It. Go.

"Fast forward today (one week later), and his family is at T-Mobile upgrading to the latest iPhone."

You seem unusually fixated on how your boyfriend's parents spend money.

"I told my boyfriend I would not be giving his family any Christmas gifts because of this."

Okay...but...why didn't you just not buy them gifts and not say anything? Why make things difficult by declaring "I'm not buying you a gift because I disapprove of how you spend money"? There's no reason for that. I'm not saying YTA for not buying them gifts. If you don't want to buy them gifts, then don't. I'm saying YTA for starting so much s**t about this.

Swirlyflurry wrote:

YTA.

You’re angry because your bf’s parents didn’t pay for your family’s dinner?

"I told my boyfriend in advance that his parents should expect to pay for his entire graduation dinner." That’s not your decision to make. Period.

peachesndoublecream wrote:

NTA. Family invited YOU GUYS to a ceremonial dinner and had to travel?! That’s embarrassing. I would NEVER let my invitees pay. Difference in values or even in culture perhaps, but girl imagine later on.

OP responded:

This is how I’m feeling. Three people in my family had to take a day off of work for this as well. I think it’s incredibly rude to invite people to a ceremonial dinner and not even offer to pay for it.

Various-Ocelot-2209 wrote:

YTA. Why did you tell your boyfriend that his parents should expect to pay? That was not your decision to make. That is really entitled. Was your whole family even invited for the graduation diner?

OP responded:

His family invited my entire family to his graduation 6 hours away. That led to my family paying for gas, hotel rooms, meals that were not his graduation dinner. In my opinion it would be custom to pay for the meal that you invite people to. If I asked people to travel that far for me, 1 dinner would absolutely be on me.

Azdak66 wrote:

It does sound like you projected your opinion of how these things should be handled on people (his parents) whom you already know do not share those values. It sounds like you played a passive-aggressive “gotcha” game in order to be morally poutraged. This does not excuse your boyfriend’s family’s boorishness. But you knew that going in, and they aren’t going to change.

If you think this is bad, wait until you see what happens if you ever decide to marry this guy. His family is what his family is and you are going to have to reconcile yourself to that. I understand it is aggravating and your emotional reaction is not inappropriate. But acting on those emotions is setting yourself up for chronic problems and you will be making posts like this on a regular basis.

CandylandCanada wrote:

ESH. As soon as you start counting other people's pennies you become TA. His family doesn't adhere to basic etiquette and are cheap. It's odd that your family attended bf's graduation, odder still that they traveled six hours to do it. Nevertheless, it was their choice to accept the invitation, so they should expect to bear the costs of everything except the dinner.

Seawolfe66 wrote:

ESH. Them for not being generous, you for your judgement and expectations, your boyfriend for not sorting the dinner plan out earlier or even paying for what his parents couldn't on his own. If you cannot afford a celebration dinner with that many people, tell everyone ahead of time that its all shared, or do something different or with fewer people.