'AITA for not getting overjoyed for my friend’s pregnancy announcement?' 'I was SICKENED.'

"AITA for not getting overjoyed for my friend’s pregnancy announcement?"

I have had 2 miscarriages. My most recent was January. My husband and I have been back and forth to the fertility doctors, I finally got out of a deep depression and we are navigating our new life of fertility.

One of my friends I have known for 20 years. Very close the entire time. The past couple of years, I have noticed her become less empathetic for others, especially when she thinks it’s her moment. Example, a friend of ours broke their leg at her wedding and she was mad it ruined 45 minutes of dancing.

Now, this friend knows my whole fertility journey. She knows about both miscarriages. She seemed supportive. Not checking up on me often or anything but supportive. Last night, me, my friend (friend A) and another friend (friend B) of ours got dinner. As we sit down, friend A blurts “I’m pregnant!!!”

I look up at her and notice her phone in our faces recording us. I felt absolutely sick. Friend B was stunned as well (she knows my journey too). I quickly mustered up “oh wow I had a feeling” I was grasping for straws because I was being recorded and felt tears coming. Friend B quickly took over the conversation.

I was sickened that she recorded me knowing she was blindsiding me. We spent the rest of the night listening to her talk about her pregnancy. Not ONCE did she ask how I was doing.

That night once we left, Friend A texted Friend B “I had so much fun tonight! I hope L (me) understands. I was nervous to tell her but I didn’t want to wait until another time since idk when I would see her again. I am soo excited!!!! But I do hope she is ok!”

Friend B texted back pretty bluntly she shouldn’t have recorded it and told me in private and she thinks I’m upset. She got the response that “L shouldn’t be upset with me. It’s a special moment for me and true friends are happy for you regardless.” I don’t I have not heard from Friend A at all since I left dinner. Edit: I should add. I have not reached out to apologize for my lack of a reaction.

AITA for my reaction to her recording me being blindsided by her announcement? I know she’ll be texting me in the coming days asking why I’m upset and something about how my experiences shouldn’t dull her moment.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Positive_Pass3062 said:

NTA by 1 million. I’ve also had several miscarriages. It’s awful and I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. My friend told me after my first one and I was so raw that I just bawled. She was driving and pulled to the side to help me but god I felt so bad.

I was so so happy for her but it just reminded me of the dreams that my body snatched away from me and my husband. Our kiddos would have been days apart from one another. OP, this person is not your friend. A friend would have at least thought about it. I hope I’m wrong and she apologizes soon after but that was so wrong for her to record it.

toosheeptheorist said:

NTA - and this 'friend' is anything BUT supportive, to you or to other people. She seems to have a case of Main Character Syndrome, in that someone breaking their leg ruined 45 minutes of dancing, not to mention her not even realizing how emotionally damaging her announcement was.

Her recording your reactions was also her way of showing just how "unsupportive" you were, because obviously everyone should be overjoyed that she is pregnant, no matter what anyone else's situations are. I am very sorry for your losses, and I hope that you are also receiving grief counseling to help you through your fertility journey.

Danniedear said:

Absolutely NTA. Your friend knew about your struggles with fertility. She knew your pain. And yet, instead of handling this delicately and privately, she blind-sided you, recorded your reaction, and made it all about herself. That’s beyond insensitive and incredibly inconsiderate. It’s downright cruel and performative.

You don't owe her an apology. You didn’t react negatively. You didn’t make a scene, storm out, or say something hurtful. You tried to hold it together despite the overwhelming emotions she forced upon you. If anything, she owes YOU an apology.

She’s allowed to be excited, I get it, but a real friend wouldn’t prioritize a social-media-worthy reaction over the emotional well-being of someone she claims to care about.

Agile_Door3504 said:

NTA. You are entitled to how you feel and the reaction in response to it. It was not rude, since she and your other friend know what’s going on with your life. She shouldn’t have recorded, with that extra knowledge of your fertility struggles anyway. Yeah she’s right, friends should be happy for their achievements, but she shouldn’t expect you to act overly elated when you are going thru these struggles yourself.

bibliophile222 said:

NTA. Why the f-- would she record you knowing you had a very recent miscarriage? That's sick. I cried pretty much every day for months after mine. It's devastating, and while it's perfectly possible to be happy for pregnant friends, it still feels like a gut punch when you learn that other people have achieved so easily what has been so hard and traumatic for you.

For anyone wondering the best way to let someone with fertility struggles know about a pregnancy, the general consensus is that it should be a text so the person has time to compose a reply and feel whatever feelings they need to in private. Recording someone in public is the absolute worst way to go about it.

olivethecutest1 said:

NTA. Incredibly insensitive on the part of your friend. She should have texted you separately and been a lot more sensitive. And the recording of your reaction is awful, especially since you’ve been dealing with miscarriages but regardless for most people unless she’s sure they aren’t dealing with infertility or loss.

Spare-Set-8382 said:

NTA you can feel how you feel. Your “friend” however is a huge AH. Blindsiding you and recording it? Not something a true friend would do.