'AITA for not getting rid of my cat that was given to me by a coworker who had a crush on me? My BF wants me to.' UPDATED

"AITA for not getting rid of my cat?"

I (41 F) have been dating a guy (46 M) for several years. Last year we took a break for about 6 months. In that time I did not date anyone else (he did) , but was working with someone who showed unreciprocated interest in me. This coworker was moving to another state and asked if I wanted to adopt his cat for my kids, and I jumped at the chance.

We’d always wanted a cat and it just seemed like a great opportunity. I lost contact with this coworker pretty quickly after he moved. My relationship with my boyfriend is really great, but recently he told me he hates the cat because it came from a guy who was using it to try and sleep with me.

He said he didn’t want to even feed the cat when I’m gone, as it just reminds him of this other guy. It’s just a cat, and I literally never think of the coworker who gave him to me. I told him I’d never get rid of the cat to make him feel comfortable.

Not just because of the cat, but because I won’t be in a relationship where I have to prove my love by unnecessary sacrifice or pain. He said I’m choosing a cat over him. AITA for thinking this whole thing is stupid and weirdly childish?

The commenters did not hold back one bit.

bentscissors wrote:

“He said I’m choosing a cat over him.”

You sure are! And it’s the right call. Keep the cat, dump the man. NTA

throwaway42929211 wrote:

You’re not choosing the cat over him you’re choosing not to be controlled by someone’s insecurity.

ItsJoanNotJoAnn wrote:

Don't be surprised if you cat disappears or is injured or even if it somehow gets k**led.

In case you can't see them let me help you → 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩.

Embarrassed-Kale-744 wrote:

Read the part back to yourself where the 46-year-old man can’t make himself feed a cat because the previous owner may have wanted to sleep with you. Read it over and over until it really hits you how childish, manipulative, and absurd it is. Then realize how twisted it is to refuse an animal FOOD because of it and convince yourself to love yourself more than putting up with this.

Later that day, OP shared an update.

I didn’t know the internet was the friend group I needed yet here we are. Yeah, he’s gone it didn’t go well but everyone was right. He was genuinely kind and normal for the most part (I think he’s just good at the masking), but in hindsight there were some red flags of slowly escalating controlling behavior.

This kind of yanked the wool off my eyes. He’s incredulous that I’d break up over a cat, and then tried to gaslight me by saying “I cannot believe you actually think I wouldn’t feed your cat. I was maybe being a little hyperbolic, I had a few drinks the other night. Do you think I’m a monster?”

And so on. Then it turned to how controlling it was and he laughed at me like I’m being dramatic. Mean laughter, I’ve never heard him do that before. It went around and around, he was very intentionally pretending to not understand and was changing the subject a lot.

I told him I’m done, I’ll pack up whatever s#$t you have at my house and drop it at your work. I guess I’m feeling relieved that I found out before I let him further into my life. It still sucks. I’m good at being single, so life moves on. ALSO: he’s a completely inside cat and I’ve changed the code on my door locks. We’re safe.

The internet was glad to hear the update.

beetothebumble wrote:

It's such a weird reason to dislike the cat as well. I'd have more sympathy if he was allergic, or didn't like pets in general (although that would point to basic incompatibility with me, personally) but to dislike it because it reminds him that another guy found OP attractive...dude, you're in your 40s.

Everyone you date will have some kind of history and if you can't deal with that, you're gonna have a bad time.

LadyNorbert wrote:

Always choose the cat (or dog, or whatever) over the boyfriend.

Violetsachet wrote:

This will probably get downvoted all to hell, but: I don’t trust people who say cats are evil, unfeeling, etc but dogs are all that’s right and holy. I think it should be considered a red flag. Dogs are domesticated. They depend on us. We have programmed them, and we breed them for specific traits. We have made them what they are.

Separation anxiety is the logical extension of the need for human interaction that we have forced into them. Dogs need us because we have made them need us. Cats, on the other hand, are still wild.

They are not obligate social, they can take us or leave us. There are some social breeds, such as Siamese or Abyssinian, who are starting to develop dependence, and that’s on us too, but mostly cats don’t have the biological imperative to give a f#$.

A cat choosing to love you is a great compliment. So if someone looks at a dog and says “he will take anything I will do to him and ask for more, and that is love” and then looks at a cat and says “that being does not need me to survive, it will not bend to me, I hate (or fear) it,” well, I’m just saying I have questions.

dragonscatsandbooks wrote:

I was really concerned when she mentioned she has KIDS.

If he would refuse to feed the cat because it reminded him of her having a very tenuous connection to another man, how was he going to treat the living proof of a deeper relationship she had with another man?