'AITA for not giving the 'dollhouse' I built to my niece, but to my wife as a gift?'
"AITA for not giving the 'dollhouse' I built to my niece, but to my wife as a gift?"
(It’s NOT a dollhouse, but I didn’t want anyone to think I was being misleading on purpose by saying I built a house)
I (28M) made my wife (28f) a replica of a house that’s known to fans of a musician, but wouldn’t mean much to others.
It’s about 2 feet tall and wasn’t very complicated to build, but my wife had said a few times over last year that she thought it would be cool to have for little trinkets. She’s like a crow with her trinkets, I love it.
She didn’t know I was making it for her, but I did sneakily involve her in its creation through having her make a couple Tiktoks when we were out together so I could get the colors right. She has no idea, lol.
I was excited, so I showed a picture to my brother. He told me it was cool, but didn’t get the purpose. He showed it to my niece Ava (13f) who knew what it was and said she wanted one too. My brother asked if I would give it to Ava for her birthday.
I said no, it’s for my wife, but I could make one with Ava. It would help teach her some basic woodworking skills which they don’t do in schools here anymore. I’d like that. Brother said if it was so easy then I could make a second one for my wife and just give this one to Ava since her bday is the end of the month.
Again I said no, this was done specifically for my wife. He seemed to accept that but then came back to me and said “Isn’t it a little weird to make a dollhouse for an adult woman?” I told him it’s not a dollhouse, just a fancy shelf. He argued that makes it worse, because Ava would actually “play” with it.
He must have gone to complain to mom about it (he is the younger brother) because mom called me to tell me that it was “stupid” to give my wife a dollhouse. I tried to explain that it’s not a dollhouse but she just kept saying “that’s stupid.”
This weekend I was at their house and Ava kept bringing up the house and laying it on thick with statements like “I’ve alway wanted one just like it.” She kept asking why my wife wanted a dollhouse. I said it’s not a dollhouse, but she kept asking why she needed a dollhouse.
I told my brother that he was encouraging his kid to be manipulative and I really didn’t like it, so I was going to leave. He told me that I was dangling the house over her head like McDonald’s and teasing her and that it made me a bad uncle.
Being a good uncle is important to me and I do feel for the girl because she’s a big fan too. I admit I have a blind spot for this because I don’t have kids and maybe I shouldn’t have shared the picture with my brother to begin with. Am I really the AH for not just giving it to her? Yes, it WAS easy to make and I COULD make another quickly.
Sorry guys Ava isn't my brother's biological daughter, there's a long story involved that I didn't want to add but I should've realized the age would be surprising. I still see her as my niece regardless but I get why that would be alarming. Nothing bad happened or anything.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
I’m guessing the “dollhouse” is a replica of the Lover House? If it’s anything like I’m imagining or what I’ve seen online , it is more like a fancy storage display for her Taylor Swift memorabilia rather than a toy anyway. NTA in either case, OP. It’s your creation that you get to gift to whoever you want.
In a year, she will only look at her iPhone and the house will be under a pile of dirty clothes.
NTA. Your brother's attempts to argue you into doing what he wants (and/or his daughter wants) are exactly what you called out: manipulation. It does not matter if he thinks "logic" is on his side. (And I'm sure he does; many people come to believe their own rationalizations.) The ONLY logic that's relevant here is: the house is YOURS, not HIS.
NTA. Your brother is being weirdly entitled and he's encouraged Ava to act like a nuisance about it too. Your solution to make one with your niece sounded like a really nice idea.
At this rate, I wouldn't be willing to help her make one or make one for her at all. This is ridiculous behavior from your brother, and now his daughter is being influenced. Unacceptable. Do not cave in on this.
NTA, especially since you offered to gift her the experience of making one with you and decorating it herself. Your wife is allowed to have nice things, even if kids around you want the same thing. Full stop. They are definitely TAH, especially your brother who is clearly sharing his AH tendencies with his daughter.
NTA. First, I will admit I am NOT a TS fan, so I don't know what the house looks like, hell it could be the house from the "Best Little W***e House in Texas", the point is, it's a house YOU created, not your brother. He can ASK for you to make your niece one, but it is up to you to say yes or no.
I honestly don't get this whole "you owe me because of...(insert reason)." This narcissistic attitude needs to stop along with the guilt tripping. No one owes anyone anything. You handled it correctly, your niece can come over and help make herself one outside of her birthday.
Also....I totally fell "in love" with this comment; "She’s like a crow with her trinkets, I love it. " You are an AWESOME spouse. I have a sneaking suspicion your wife knows this!!!