'AITA for not giving my ex a second chance after the humiliating break up?' MAJOR UPDATE

"AITA for not giving my ex a second chance after the humiliating break up?"

I don’t know how to start this but bear with me because it’s long. I 21F was dating James 23M (fake name) for 3 years ago. I want to start that I’m a shy and super quiet person to be with, even with him I always had a hard times to talk and speak about my days or whatever was happening in my life without getting nervous speaking about it.

James on the other hand he is a social butterfly, he’s talkative, has large group of friends and can even make conversations in seconds with people he knows on the streets. Long story short, he will usually drag me to his friends parties or social hang outs so I could be friends with his friends but it never worked out, most of his friends will not let me speak or talk without getting bored and just shoving me to the side.

I had brought this up to James but he brushed it offt as “they’re just not patient like that” or “they don’t mean to be rude” but I personally don’t see like that, so I’m not like a toxic girlfriend or anything I never looked at his phone to check if he’s cheating or anything but I was so insecure how a lot of his girl friends will hit on him on front of me without any reason whatsoever.

The day of the breakup happened on a party of his friends and again I tried my best to socialize with his friends but there was no use, what happened is that I told James I was going to go get some more snacks for the party and that’s when out of nowhere he snapped at me saying “see you’re just finding an excuse to leave the party! That’s why my friends don’t like you!”

I was speechless so I told him I wasn’t leaving I was just getting snacks and that’s when he had dropped the bomb and said he’s done with me and to never contact him again, loud and clear for the entire room of people to hear…and then his friends started cheering like they just kicked out a rude friend or something.

I wanted to cry so bad, so I left and good thing I had my car with me because on the way back home I balled my eyes out like I’ve never cried in my life, I blocked him everywhere and so did with his friends.

I felt so humiliated by the fact he didn’t even decide to have a decent conversation alone without anyone hearing us speak or I don’t know I just felt horrible how his friends started cheering him for breaking up with me like that.

Fast forward to today, I had already moved on and was doing great when I got a long text message from a random number that had the same area code from my town, it was James, he started the message with how he’s been doing in his life and yada yada, then he said he had been in three relationships after our break up and he said he didn’t felt the same when he was with me.

All the girls he dated even cheated on him or where too toxic and ab#$ing, so he reached out to see if we can start again and give him another chance to be together…I was stunned, this man after he humiliated me in front of his so called friends wanted a second chance because I was the only girl who didn’t complained about his life and what not? I was angry.

I told him that I don’t think it was a good chance to try a relationship again because we were not even compatible to begin with and that I was sorry for all the relationships he had through the years didn’t work as expected.

But I just couldn’t trust him or even I don’t think I could fall in love with him again, this man didn’t even apologize to begin with so after I sent the message I blocked the number and went on my day.

Now I’m getting angry messages of his friends calling me a ah* and a sl*t for not giving him chance and even to the point to bombard my phone with calls every single day, so internet strangers am I the AITA for refusing to give him a second chance? I just don’t know what else to do.

The internet did not hold back their thoughts one bit.

Competitive_Meal_144 wrote:

Absolutely f#$king not. He sounds like a bellend. Think about how the future looks even if you did give him a second chance. You can’t trust him, his friends sound like AHs and he doesn’t understand you as a person whatsoever.

He didn’t even have the common decency to have a 1-2-1 conversation with you and totally embarrassed you at a party where you had nobody. He's been f#$ked over since you broke up and realised which side he likes his bread buttered. Well too late sunshine, tell him to swivel.

sog96 wrote:

Send him screen shots of the text messages and let him know this is one of the reasons why you will never get back with him. Additionally, let him know that if his friends continue with the harassment you will take legal action against them.

Odd-Pomegranate-715 wrote:

You’re NTA he’s using those same friends who made you feel humiliated and embarrassed to try to force you to give him a 2nd chance stand your ground you’re more than in the right!

You don’t deserve to be treated like that, he sounds toxic and immature using others to pressure you, you were nice about how you didn’t want to give it a second try and he should understand and respect that. Not use others to scare you.

Alycans wrote:

Save all the conversations and numbers. Give it a maximum of 2 or 3 days, and if they keep going, then consider getting authorities involved. Make sure to get a safety network, family, and friends aware of the situation. Do not let them break your will or spirit.

Three days later, OP shared an update.

Sorry for the late reply but it’s been a hectic of a week, but here’s an update. I decided to take your advice and screenshotted all the messages that James friends had send to me throughout the week about me being the ah, afterwards and unblocked James and send all the screenshots to him.

You won’t believe it but this man finally decided to believe me and apologized about his friends behavior and how he didn’t wanted this to go as far as it got.

I’ve told him that this is one of the many reasons of why I can’t give him another chance, because of the behavior of his friends where unbelievable behavior and it’s just throws me off how I’m the youngest of the group who knows how to act like an adult.

I also dropped the bomb on him that I’m seeing someone (just talking stage, nothing serious just yet) that is taking their sweet time to know me as a person and that’s why I won’t let him have another chance because I’m not going for old scraps.

He apologized again and even also said he just wanted to keep in contact with me because he thinks he “owes” it to me for all the trouble he caused?? I don’t know what he meant by that.

By the time I wanted to finish the conversation he told me that during our time together he had cheated with one of his girls friends, so that also explains why he broke up with me that time because he was sneaking around the stupid blonde sorority girl because she was better than me?

Something like that, saw it coming not going to lie, but for some reason it did hurt now even though it’s been a while, he said he wanted some closure and telling me this was the end of it.

I blocked him again lol, and now my phone is finally back to being silent since I stopped getting calls and messages, even his mom texted me saying sorry for his son behavior, so that’s that, I want to appreciate those who convinced me not to give him another chance, I’m to much of a people pleaser and I just couldn’t handle the stress that I was in the wrong, thank you all of you!

The internet continued to share their thoughts.

ScarletteWest wrote:

Good for you - you stood up for yourself and let him know he is basically scum.

He was right, he will never find anyone as wonderful as you. Sux to be him.

l3ex_g wrote:

So messed up, he was getting treated like he had been treating you and he wanted his “punching bag” back, good for you for letting him know he’s pathetic and you were a catch.

winterworld561 wrote:

He's full of s#$t. He knew exactly what he friends were doing and saying to you. He f#$king put them up to it to manipulate and bully you into giving him another chance. Once he saw you had everything screenshotted he knew they could all get into trouble if you reported it.

So he acted all apologetic and ignorant. Good for you for standing your ground and telling him where to go. Glad you told him you were seeing someone who was already treating you better than he ever did.