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'AITA for not giving my former SIL the necklace I had made from my wedding rings from my deceased husband?'

'AITA for not giving my former SIL the necklace I had made from my wedding rings from my deceased husband?'

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"AITA for not giving my former SIL the necklace I had made from my wedding rings from my deceased husband?"

SleeplessYellowSun

When I (27F) was 22 I got married to my high school sweetheart who passed away five months after we married when a drunk driver drove into his car. It took me a while to take off my rings, and when I did I didn’t want them to just sit in a draw forever.

So, I took them to a jeweller and had his and my rings melted down and used the gold and the stones to make a pendent and some small stud earrings. I have the earrings in my jewellery box and I wear the necklace everyday.

One, because I like the way it looks and two, because I like the idea of having a tangible part of him with me always. Last month my boyfriend (34M) of almost two years proposed to me and I said yes.

I keep in touch with my former SIL (29F) who we will call Ava and last weekend she invited me out for drinks. We caught up a bit before she congratulated me on my engagement, she then asked me if she could have my necklace since it would mean more to her as his sister then it would to me now that I was getting remarried and moving on.

Which honestly stunned me that anyone would outright ask for something like that. I told her I would think about it and moved the conversation along but went home shortly after as it was just awkward.

I just want to make it clear that it is not an heirloom piece, or overly expensive. It was a small emerald ring that we found on holiday at a local jeweller and I fell in love with it.

I told my best friend (F28) about it and she said that it seemed strange that I was still so attached to it given its history and my new engagement. She thinks that I should probably give it to Ava as it would mean more to her, and I should shed anything from my old life and embrace my new one.

She said that I should get a new necklace and make new memories, and that she would go with me or I could ask my fiancé. But the thing is yes, I have moved on, and I am completely happy in my relationship and I am so excited for the life we are creating together.

But a part of my will always have love for my former husband and mourn him and the life that we could have had together, and I don’t think that that takes away anything from my new relationship. They are different loves and lives. But now it feels silly to me that I have conveyed all this into a necklace.

My fiancé says he does not care and he knows that I love him and our life together, and understands that I will always have some level of grief and that he loves how I have loved and keep loving and how I embrace life and people because of my experience.

Sorry that my English is bad, it is my only language and I have no real excuse - but I work nightshift I think that it lowers my brain function sometimes. So AITA for not wanting to give my former SIL my necklace?

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:

Dittoheadforever

You're NTA. The necklace is yours and it is wildly inappropriate for your former sister in law to ask for it.

"it would mean more to her as his sister then it would to me now that I was getting remarried and moving on."

That's ridiculous. I'm sure she has other things that remind her of her brother. Of course, they're probably not jewels... but she has no connection to the ones in the necklace as you and he picked them out together.

"She said that I should get a new necklace and make new memories."

I see nothing wrong with hanging on to a momento of someone who helped make you who you are.

GrapeGatsby23

WILDLY inappropriate. I can't even imagine asking someone for a commemorative piece of jewelry THAT THEY HAD MADE SPECIFICALLY FOR THEMSELVES. Wildly INAPPROPRIATE.

RageStreak

Personalized commemorative jewelry made from their WEDDING jewelry, none of which was a family heirloom. Super weird ask on sisters part.

Pollythepony1993

NTA. He is not your former husband. He is your late husband and will always be your late husband. The rings were something that sealed your bond. Between you and him. Not anyone else, not his and his sister.

Even though the rings are now a necklace it still is a reminder of the life you had together. Your past is your past and you are allowed to keep stuff from the past. Otherwise we would all have to get rid of heirlooms and other stuff from our pasts.

Yes you are moving on and you are in a new relationship and will even get married. But it does not mean your old relationship is worthless. It is not like you are living a new life. It does not work that way. You are you because of your past.

time-watertraveler

Absolutely NTA. Do not give her the necklace. This means nothing to her as she has no real memories attached to it, but you do. You and your husband picked up that ring, on a vacation that you took together, in a moment where the stars aligned. It was not just a ring and is not just a pendant. It is part of your life, and it holds both the happiest and the saddest parts of it. And all of that made you who you are now.

Your fiance understands that without all these life experiences, you two might not even be together right now. He doesn't deny your past and the existence of someone you loved and that you carry him with you. Don't start now, just because others think you can just erase the past

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit
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