'AITA for not giving my friend $900 and instead offering $100 plus a monthly prepaid phone plan?'
"AITA for not giving my friend $900 and instead offering $100 plus paying for a monthly prepaid phone plan?"
I am Ally (46) and my friend Debra (42) asked me for $900 to restore her cell phone service. She lost her job months ago, is on unemployment, and forgot to return a trade-in phone. Because of that, her provider paused her service. She has a kindergartener and a high school freshman, so I know a phone is important.
I told her I couldn’t give $900 since I recently invested money into a friend’s business. Instead, I sent her $100, suggested she buy a prepaid flip phone for $20 with a $30 plan, and promised I would continue to cover her monthly prepaid plan so she wouldn’t be without service.
I also encouraged her to call her mortgage and car loan companies about hardship programs, check with utilities, consider renting out spare rooms, and talk to her daughter’s father for support.
I was trying to help her think long-term because her mortgage is $2600, her car note is $700, and she still owes $2000 to a guy she dated who helped her before. She stopped responding and has not spoken to me since. I even apologized if I overstepped.
So, AITA for not handing her $900 and instead giving $100, covering a prepaid phone plan, and trying to offer solutions? We both have an iPhone and she was using the internet to FaceTime me or text me through iMessage.
Not long after posting, OP shared an update.
Update: Just 20 minutes ago one of our mutual friends told me she’s been trash talking me and claiming I never helped her. That is crazy because this is not the first time I have given her money.
The friend who told me knows I am not like that and that I actually do help people I consider real friends. Now I know she is not a good person. Thank you all for your responses, she is officially cut out of my life. I no longer care.
The internet did not hold back.
Mr-nobody-7-10 wrote:
Now you know how much of a “friend” she is.
OP responded:
All I can think about how furious I would be had I lent her the $900 bucks and then be faced with the silence treatment.
odubik wrote:
NTA. But also not the goldmine that she was maybe hoping for...
OP responded:
😒 yea and it hurts to realize that!
Booby_Slap0506 wrote:
NTA, and you have done more than enough. You do not owe her $900 for her phone. You gave what you could, including helpful suggestions to get her some additional help. It's up to her whether or not to try any of that. If she really needs her phone that desperately, your suggestion should be plenty to get her at least that far.
OP responded:
Word!
Bubbly_Chicken_9358 wrote:
NTA. You still wouldn't be the AH if you simply told her no, you couldn't help her. She's been out of work for months and has not already contacted her lenders or otherwise looked for support? I don't know if you sounded judgemental or not, but I feel like the fact that you gave her $100 and offered to pay the monthly fee for the phone would make up for any 'tone' you might have had.
OP responded:
This is what I texted her: “Debra, I know you may not like this suggestion, but if Omar already has a two-bedroom and the judge granted 50/50 custody without child support, one option is to have your younger child live with him during the week and stay with you on weekends or for special events. This would free up both the downstairs bedroom and the baby’s room, which you could rent out.
Even at $800 each, that’s about $1600 a month, plus shared costs for utilities. You could do it month-to-month for six months just to get through this hard period. It’s about survival right now, not ego. These are things I’ve done myself to get through tough times, so I’m only sharing what worked for me. Take it or leave it, but please consider it.
I really want you to make a list of “to-dos” to help you stay organized and on track. For example: -Contact your mortgage company and ask about delayed payment options. -Call your car loan provider to see if they offer assistance.
-Talk to the kids about being careful with electricity and water. -Call the electric and gas companies about hardship programs. -Use the laundromat for a while to save on home utility costs. -Apply for food stamps if you haven’t already.
I say this because I don’t want to see you fall deeper into hardship. A to-do list will give you direction and help you take action instead of trying to keep everything in your head. Please do not roll your eyes at this—just try it. Had there been a plan in place, the phone situation might not have reached this point.”
SolidLiquidSnake86 wrote:
You GAVE her $100. She needs a phone so she has contact with her son and many other things. This woman can get a Samsung Galaxy A15 5G for about $40 brand new and buy one months phone service with it and STILL have change left over for lunch from the $100 you gave her.
People like this chap my a$$ hard. If she is seriously upset you didn't just shell out the $900 she wanted / need...then you can very much stand to lose her as a friend.
OP responded:
That’s the decision I have made. But it bothers me very much because I know in my heart I meant well.
Constant_Host_3212 wrote:
NTA. Your friend is totally unreasonable to expect you to gift her $900.
OP responded:
I think she asked me for that amount because I had mentioned months ago that another friend of mine, Veronica, once borrowed $2000 from me. The difference is I have known Veronica since we were 9 years old and whenever either of us borrowed money, we always paid it back on the exact date we promised. With Debra it is different.
She often procrastinates, fails to follow through on what she says she will do, and still owes $2000 to a guy she is no longer dating. I felt that if I gave her $900 I would not see it again for a very long time. I could afford to help her, but her track record, even with basic things like forgetting to return the trade in phone, made me hesitant.