'AITA for not giving individual Christmas gifts to my sister's kids?'
"AITA for not giving individual Christmas gifts to my sister's kids?"
To start off, my sister and I are not close. Nothing happened, I don't think she's a terrible person. We are just two very, very different people and live very separate lives. We text each other on birthdays, and call each other once around the holidays and that's it. We live thousands of miles away from each other and it's been about 8 years since I've seen her and her family in person.
I don't have kids, while my sister has always dreamed of a huge family, and she got her wish. Between her and her husband, they have 9 kids between the ages of 2 and 16. After my sister and her husband got married and the head count reached over 4, I decided to just start getting something for all the kids to share on Christmas.
Some years it's been something for all of them to do, some years it's been something like a gaming system. I figured it was probably nicer to get one expensive gift that they probably wouldn't have gotten rather than 9 cheaper ones.
My sister's never said anything about it, although I don't know how she really feels about this. A week back I got a surprise call from my sister. She said money was super tight this year and was wondering if I could get all the kids something they can unwrap individually, instead of one big thing. I asked her to send me their Christmas lists to see what that would look like.
Most of the kids asked for really expensive electronic items, totally well over 100 bucks a kid. If I got everyone something from their list, that would come to well over $1000. I haven't even met some of the kids, and I am not even part of a religion that celebrates Christmas, so I thought that was a ton of cash to drop.
I called my sister back and said hey I appreciate money is tight (because hello it is she's raising the next line up for Braves- not that I said that) but I said I'm just not in a position myself to spend over a grand on Christmas gifts. My sister got upset and said she just wanted to give the kids all something to open.
I said I understood, but unless she was willing to let me know some cheaper options, I wasn't able to spend that much. We went back and forth for a while before she snapped and called me a jerk and hung up. We haven't spoken since. I appreciate the position she's in, but I just can't justify spending that much on Christmas presents. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
EuropeSusan wrote:
NTA. Get each of the children an age appropriate book. They aren't too expensive, something to unwrap, the kids can read instead of being bored and it's good for their education.
Or smaller sets of Lego and Barbie Dolls.
OP responded:
Oh I actually love the idea of getting all the kids books!
Exoquey wrote:
NTA you aren't close so she's lucky you do anything at all. If I were you I'd tell her you'll do what you can and if its not appreciated you can do nothing instead. Her financial issues are not your problem or responsibility.
The fact that she doesn't see an issue with her kids requesting expensive things and thinks you're the problem would make me get each one a $10 gift card and thats it. And I'd only do that because they're kids and cant help if their parents are awful.
lovewholly wrote:
NTA. Asking for help is one thing. Requiring you to spend $100/kid for NINE KIDS is outrageous. Millions of kids would kill to open ANY gift on Christmas morning.
_PsychoLlama_ wrote:
NTA, but your sister's reaction is not about you or or your response, its about her own guilt about not being able to afford nice expensive gifts for children. It feels unreasonable for her to ask you to do that because it is (unless you can afford it comfortably). She's got feelings but she is directing them towards you. I personally would let it slide. She either realizes it or doesn't.
Overkookie_krumble wrote:
NTA at all. Respectfully, they shouldn’t have had more kids than they can afford. Downvote me if you want, but 9 kids is way too much. I understand wanting a big family, but if you can’t even afford a big family, then you’re just being selfish. Your sister is severely entitled to money and gifts that’s not hers, and that she’s not even obligated to.
Especially, when you two aren’t even close and you haven’t met half of her children. She sounds like the type that if you were to send those gifts, she’d definitely put her name on it, to make it seem like she bought the gifts, and take the credit.
Beggars can’t be choosers, and I wouldn’t blame you if you opt out of sending any gift at all. Your sister sucks and she’s a major AH. It’s absurd that she’s behaving so immaturely. Save your money for yourself, or for someone who isn’t being so rude and entitled.
PAGirl72 wrote:
She chose to have 9 kids. She should not expect someone else to carry the load at Christmas. Even a $20 gift for each child will be $200 or so.
Mullein55 wrote:
NTA. You were willing to buy her kids something to unwrap on xmas day but you had an upper limit. She didn't like your upper limit and called you a jerk and hung up! She could've agreed to your budget. Instead, she was rude. That would be me done!
Grouchywhennhungry wrote:
NTA. The cynic in me thinks if you buy those gifts the labels on them are coming off and getting replaced with "love from mum and dad." Do a combined gift, of get they something like pjs a book and a hot chocolate each, or an amazon voucher each (at a value thats affordable) or just nothing.
Because the level of entitlement from your sister is gross. She's using you as a gift atm. The fact you've never got a thanks or a photo of the kids playing with your gifts tells you all you need to know.