'AITA for not giving legal advice at a party to someone I just met?' MAJOR UPDATE

"AITA for not giving legal advice at a party to someone I just met?"

Hi everyone. This actually happened last night. I was at my brother's place for an NFL Draft party. I haven't seen my brother in a couple weeks, and my brother and I live a couple hours from each other because I moved away so I haven't seen a lot of his friends in years.

I also have not met most of my brother's girlfriend's family and friends because she comes from a town a couple hours from where they currently live in the opposite direction from where I live. My brother and his gf have been together 2 years and are getting engaged next month.

At the party I was talking with a group of people and one guy, the husband of one of my brother's girlfriend's friends asked me what I do for a living, and I said I'm an attorney. He then asked me what kind of law I practice, and I could already see where this was going. He then started into a "so I'm having a problem with one of my neighbors...""

As he was launching into his story I reached in my pocket and gave him my card and told him to call me in the morning to discuss the issue. He got upset and said why can't I just answer a couple of quick questions for him since we were both there. I said I was there to see my brother and watch the draft and didn't want to discuss business right now.

As other attorneys will tell you at social gatherings, this is a common thing. Once people find out you're an attorney they'll try to corner you with a bunch of questions and you're basically back on the clock. Years ago, I decided to do the business card thing instead of answering questions so I could actually enjoy social gatherings.

Besides, these things almost never turn into actual business, people just want free legal advice. I've never had any complaints about it before. The guy got upset, said something under his breathe, and stormed off. The other people standing there all made a face as he stormed off and we went right back into our conversation.

That was it, or so I thought. The rest of the night was fine, and it was never brought up again. We enjoyed the draft, and I enjoyed seeing my brother's knucklehead friends these years later. I got a text from my brother this morning, and he said I want to make this clear, I completely understand why you did what you did. He has seen it happen a bunch of times at events and heard me complain about it afterwards.

However, his girlfriend is upset that I "blew her friend's husband off" and wants me to reach out to him apologize and answer his questions. My brother said he's on my side and said he told her such, but she made him send the text to me anyway. I believe my brother being on my side and understand he's trying to keep the peace in his relationship.

I said I'm not texting and apologizing or calling the guy but he has my card and is welcome to call me. I feel I did nothing wrong, just because of my job doesn't mean I'm on the clock 24/7. My brother said yea, I knew you'd say that but now I can at least tell my gf I tried and that was it with him. Again, I thought this was the end, but it's not. His girlfriend texted my mom and told her what happened.

Now my mom is texting me and saying I know it's annoying what this guy did, but can you call this guy so that your relationship with brother's girlfriend isn't negatively affected because she's obviously upset with you. My brother is getting engaged to her next month and she's going to be family and there's no need to have a rift when she's about to be family.

I said it's too late the fact that she cried to my mom already created a rift on my end about her now. Again, I declined, and my mom said she understands, but just doesn't want negative feelings with brother's gf over this. I said no, he can call me and I'll answer any questions he has. So, internet, AITA for how I handled this?

The internet had a lot to say in response.

Kitchen_Pop_9236 wrote:

The fact that your brother's girlfriend feels like she has any agency in this situation is strange.

Don't apologize for s#$t. They're mad now, later they won't be. NTA.

OP responded:

TBH I could care less if this guy who lives 4-5 hours away that I may never see again except once at their wedding and then never again is mad. I only care about my brother's gf and only to the extent that she's probably giving my brother an earful over it and that sucks for him and her being a future part of the family having a rift over something so stupid is unfortunate.

TheRowdyMeatballPt2 wrote:

"NTA. I’m an attorney and constantly experience the exact same thing. By the way, don’t know if you’ve tried it, but I’ve found “My malpractice insurance doesn’t allow me to talk to you about this unless you come in for a consult, which I have to charge for” to be helpful."

OP responded:

Thanks for the tip, I may try this one in the future.

Dull_vegetable5254 wrote:

NTA. People, even family and friends, must understand that there are set boundaries. Your time, expertise, and education have value. Just because someone knows you personally doesn't mean they're entitled to free legal advice/services. Respecting your work means they're respecting your process. Also, girlfriend sounds like a red flag, considering she even texted your mom.

OP responded:

Yeah, I was minorly annoyed she had my brother reach out to me, but once she got my mom involved, now I'm actually annoyed.

Funny_horror-3930 wrote:

"I think the girlfriend knew about this guys problem and she advised him to ask OP and when OP refused, she got upset."

OP responded:

Didn't think of this. Definite possibility.

BookitPizzachampion wrote:

If I were your brother, this would be a wake-up call for me. She isn't above looping in whomever she wants, their business or not, to get her way. I can't even imagine what any marital arguments will get spread around until he feels publicly shamed into submission. Also, what happens when/if they have children and disagree on something? She's going to send a group of flying monkies after him.

I would also tell your mom, 'Today it's me, tomorrow it could be you. What happens when you don't do something she wants when it comes to the wedding? You're asking me to cave to keep the peace, and it will let her know that if she throws a big enough tantrum, we'll buckle.'

OP responded:

I love my brother to death, but I doubt they have many serious arguments. He's a complete pushover, he probably gives into her pretty quickly if she raises enough of a stink.

Two months later, OP shared an update.

I have some small updates on this post I made a couple of months ago. My brother got engaged to the gf referenced in the post a couple of weeks ago. They had a get together to celebrate their engagement this past weekend. They only invited immediate family and those they expect to be in their wedding party.

My brother had asked me about being his best man last week before the party, but at the dinner they formally gave gifts to everyone in their wedding party along with officially asking everyone to be in the wedding party.

Said brother's fiancé's friend's husband was there as well. He is not going to be in the wedding party, but his wife apparently will be. I was there before he was and when he came in he made no attempt to come over and say hello to me or the group I was talking with.

Fine, I hardly know the guy, so I don't care if he talks to me. At dinner there were no assigned seats, but my girlfriend and I happen to be seated not super close to him and his wife, but close enough to where we could hear each other's conversations if we weren't involved in our own conversations.

At dinner I was sitting with my girlfriend next to me on the same side they were seated, On my other side was my sister and her husband and across from me was some other friends of my brother's fiancé I had never met before this night. My girlfriend was not at the previous event, but I of course had told her about the issue.

Anyway, my girlfriend and I are making small talk with the friends of my brother's fiancé across from us and of course what we all do for a living came up. I said I was an attorney and the guy at that point decided to interject into our conversation and say but don't ask him any questions right now, he'll just give you his card and tell you to call him during business hours.

To my delight and his horror, one of the friends we were talking to responded and said, yeah of course, I'd hardly expect him to give me legal advice at his brother's engagement party. He made an angry face, mumbled something to his wife, who told him to drop it, and then I don't think he said a word again the rest of the night. Nothing big, just thought some might find this update amusing.

The internet was invested in the update.

thumb_of_justice wrote:

As a fellow attorney, I applaud you. That guy is so self-absorbed and entitled. I f#$king hate people who expect free off-the-cuff advice and have no understanding of the fact that actually lawyers need to do legal research in order to give good advice.

Not to mention that we need to do conflict checks. How did your future SIL treat you? I hope she got over her snit. Not cool that she called your mom to tattle on you. It sounds like your bro is marrying a jerk.

OP responded:

Thank you. It is great to hear a fellow attorney thinks I handled this well. She got over it, pretty quickly. Didn't apologize but didn't change the way she acted with me either. Her and I aren't close, and I don't think we ever will be, but we've remained cordial.

OK_Cardiologist354 wrote:

NTA at all you obviously handled that well. I do have a question regarding the social expectations of asking questions, because I’d still love to pick your brain regarding law school, which year was the hardest for you, is tort really hard to understand. Shit like that. Would you be cool with being asked stuff like that? Or would you still prefer not to be bothered with that kind of question.

OP responded:

If you as a random internet stranger want to ask me questions here or in a DM I'd answer them at my convenience. I have no issues with that. As far as in public goes it depends on the social situation. If I'm being introduced to someone in a planned situation because they are considering law school or in law school and have questions about law school, I'll of course answer.

If I'm with a group of my attorney friends it also helps my willingness to answer said questions because we'll likely start sharing law school horror stories. If I'm at an event it depends on the situation. If I've been drinking, I am not going to want to talk about it. If I'm at an event where I have something else, I want to do be it watch the NFL Draft like the first situation, a wedding, etc.

I'm also going to probably shut you down and say let's talk later. However, questions about law school I'd be more receptive to in casual conversations than asking me legal advice because they don't require as much thought on my end. I'm more likely to answer those than questions about someone's legal problems as long as I'm not busy at the time with something else.

[deleted] wrote:

Oh gosh, I feel so bad now. I get super awkward talking to my husband's cousin, who's a lawyer, and just ask him lawyer stuff every time I see him (just as something to talk about). I'll make a better effort at finding a different common ground with him. A plus side to your event is opening my eyes to do better. Thank you!

OP responded:

I'm sorry if I made you feel awkward. Everyone is obviously different, but I don't mind if someone asks me how work is going, if I have any interesting cases, etc. compared to being asked for advice.

Advice makes me start having to go into the rolodex of what I know and advise as to what someone should do. Asking me how work is going or if I have interesting cases, I think is a normal conversation thing to ask anyone about their job, but asking them to do their job on the spot to me is where a line is drawn.