'AITA for not giving my best friend the day she wanted with my son?'
"AITA for not giving my best friend the day she wanted with my son?"
I (29F) am a single mom to a 4-year-old boy. My best friend (29F) is extremely attached to him and asks to take him places sometimes. I usually say yes as long as the day works for both of us!
This situation blew up over scheduling, and I need outside perspective.On Tuesday last week, she asked to spend time with him on Saturday (today). I agreed, as I have lots of work to do and a break would be nice!
Following this, I made plans with my child on Friday, to take him to see a big Christmas tree. Thursday night my best friend reaches out and I excitedly tell her about the plans I made, she says "oh well I wanted him on Friday."
We had already made plans for Saturday (I have screenshot proof), however I did invite her to come with us to the lights and confirmed she could still take him Saturday if she did want him! I thought I was being flexible.
She completely flipped the narrative and spent the entire day today accusing me of being “offended” simply because she wanted time with him and not me. I told her repeatedly I wasn’t offended at all, loved that she wanted time with my LO, and she could take him TODAY (Saturday).
But she kept insisting I was angry, twisting my words, suggesting that I should've rearranged my schedule so she could have him yesterday instead since I had agreed she could take him.
Then it got really weird. She kept repeating that she “wanted the kid, not me,” as if I should…what? Feel jealous? She said "your kid is much nicer, I never fight with him. I like him better than you." HE'S 4?
She resulted to an ultimatum of "Okay fine i'll never spend time with him again since that's how you want it." Again, I never even suggested that. I kept repeating she could have him today if she wanted time with him.
The part that bothers me the most is how she kept talking about my son like he was an object she owned or was entitled to, and talking to me, his mother, like I’m some obstacle in her way instead of his parent. It felt like she was using my kid as a pawn or even a weapon to get a reaction out of me. And all of this was after I had ALREADY said she could have him today.
Finally I set a boundary and said she won't get access to my child by insulting me. She backpedaled, stating "it was a joke why would I like him better than you? You're just being absolutely ridiculous." So I guess I need to know, AITA? Was it wrong of me to not just switch days for her to be able to spend time with my baby?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
YWBTA if you leave this unhinged woman alone with your child. She’s being really weird about this - why did she want him specifically Friday.
Bet it was because Mommy was describing, excitedly, what a good time she and her own son was going to have the day before the "friend", so friend tried to ruin it for OP.
She sounds like the kind of person who would cut a baby out of someone’s body if they thought they could get away with getting to keep the child. She’s giving major red flags that make me think that if mommy does something she doesn’t like, there’s a very real chance she will abduct him once she’s convinced herself mommy is unsafe for him to be around.
Or she will do something intentional, like planting drugs somewhere in OPs house and then call the cops, to try to get him taken away from her, then conveniently offer herself up for foster care. This feels like the early stages of a future Netflix documentary and I’d run far, far away from her before something happens.
NTA and hey, bud? You need to distance yourself from this friend for your child's sake, if not your own. If this is accurate, this isn't exactly a healthy friendship because it absolutely sounds like she wants your kid for her own.
She clearly has issues if she's snapping back and forth between being mad she can't have a day with your kid to trying to get back in your good graces to keep seeing him. Please tell me she doesn't have a spare key.
YTA because this is the fourth post in a few months that you’ve made about your anxiously over-attached best friend. At this point, you’re simply allowing her to manipulate you this way, and continue to give her regular alone time with your son. YTA and set some basic boundaries for his safety.
NTA. You might even be under reacting here. This person is not your co-parent or your romantic partner, why are you allowing a situation to exist where this friend thinks she has a 'right' to demand time with your child?
You should have set some rules and boundaries way before this. It sounds like in her mind she does in fact view your child an an object she has a right to have access to. That needs to stop.
NTA To be honest, its pretty weird that she is so obsessed With your kid like that, its giving major kidnapper vibes. Please keep your baby safe, away from this person, she is not your friend. This woman seems unhinged.
You are NTA. I love when kids have lots of family and friends to love them and sometimes take them out places. Your friend changed ”it takes a village” to ”I may burn down your village and take your children”.
Your assessment of the situation is spot on. It’s common knowledge that if family/friends are terrible to the parent, they no longer get to have a relationship with the child. Obviously there are nuances to this, but the idea that someone would think they have any say in how and when you spend time with your child is absurd.
Your friend just bought herself a timeout. Seriously. Step back and take a look at your relationship with her. She seems a bit too comfortable and it’s your job to keep your child safe. Also, she wasn’t joking. Let that one sink in….