'AITA for refusing to give my ex-wives $300,000 dollars each?'

"AITA wrong for not giving my ex-wives $300,000 dollars?"

Backstory: I (31M) have been married twice (Military, it is what it is). I have taken accountability for all my mistakes in my past marriages and admitted to all my wrong doing and actions. To note, I never cheated, but I wasn’t the best husband. Think lack of gifts or signs of affection, time spent together, stuff like that.

Through that time in my life I was heavily focused on improving myself and prepping for the future than enjoying the now and taking care of what I had. I always joked that I would do more stuff once I was rich and coincidentally I am now pretty well off, upper half 6 figures yearly with no debt well off. I say this not to brag but to bring context into the situation.

My first wife, let's call her Lisa (30F), was my high school sweetheart at 15, married at 18 after I joined the military. We were married for 6 years and honestly grew apart after she refused to grow as a person and just wanted to sit around the house. She would take care of the house, cook, clean etc, but I also did my fair share once I got home from work.

I didn't need her to work or contribute to the house, I just wanted her to go to school or something to better herself for the future. During this time she got pregnant but sadly lost the baby due to stress, which caused some health complications and we were told that it was unlikely she could conceive again or carry to term if she did.

I got stationed close to home and I bought her a car and us a house in hopes this would spark some motivation and get her to start working towards the future, but it did not. Years went by and things just drug along. I got promoted a few times, got 2 degrees and continued planning for the future.

After 6 years I was done and we separated on amicable terms. I allowed her to stay in the house for a year while I paid the mortgage and rented an apartment, until I sold the house and moved states. That was the last major interaction we had for nearly 8 years.

I met my second wife, let's call her Sara (34F), shortly after my divorce was final and we dated for a year before getting married. She was in the Military and I had recently gotten out. We got married about 6 months before Covid hit. She still had to work due to military orders and I kinda sat around the house like a bum, but I contributed with house work and financially because I had a decent amount of savings.

Due to the lock down and me being constantly on the go from age 18 to 26, I was tired and took advantage of this time to relax. She found it unfair that I wasn't doing anything, but I didn't see an issue with it because I had done my part and was contributing physically and financially. This on top of the covid restrictions stopping us from going out caused some strain on the relationship.

I can admit I also caused some issues because she was big on family and I was not, so she found it rude I didn't engage much with her family on FT and such but it is not a big deal to me. She was also always buying me gifts but she was heavily in debt when we met, which I paid off (20k). I would tell her to save her money and plan for the future but she refused.

She got deployed out of the country for a year and during this time, I moved across the country to live near my best friend. We talked and FT, text, call etc the entire time she was gone. We even talked about how to work on our relationship when she got back. I thought everything was going to be ok. As she prepared to return, I packed up my apartment and moved back to her duty station.

I picked her up from the airport when she landed and brought her to the new apartment I had set up for us. She seemed a little cold and distant, but I attributed it to the long flight and time change. The next day we went to a car dealer and got her a brand new car (her choice), which she was adamant to get on her own and not have me contribute or co-sign.

At this time I had a job which required me to travel the country and work on different projects for weeks at a time. I was in the middle of a project when she returned, so I had to leave a few days after and finish up the project. I left, worked through my birthday and finished the project early in order to return to her ASAP. While on a 8 hr drive back to her, I called to tell her I would be home soon.

She told me she didn't want me to come home and was there somewhere else I could go before hanging up on me. She sent me a 3 page text essentially saying she didn't want to be together anymore and that she made this decision before she even left for the deployment. I was honestly numb and heartbroken and I had to sit with it for another 7 hr drive, 10 of 10 do not recommend.

Got home and tried to talk but she refused and I just slept on the couch for a few days before my boss put me on a 3 month project that would take me away from the house and I left. A few months went by, she stayed strong in her position and I returned to pack my things and left back across the country to stay at my parents house.

She called me an asshole because I refused to file for divorce but said I would sign the papers if she did. Eventually she filed and I signed as promised. After a year it was final and that was that.

She reached out a few times asking for money because she was having a hard time, and I refused. She is terrible with money, something I helped her manage before. These requests have since stopped and I haven't heard from her in about 3 years.

Here is the situation.

My mom has had some health issues recently and required surgery. I am self-employed now and took some time off to go home. I am from a city of roughly 100k population, so not small but not too big. In the area of the city we live in, it is easy to run into someone you know if you go to Target grocery store etc. Well while I was in town, I ran into Lisa at the gas station of all places.

We exchanged pleasantries and she introduced me to her husband. I recognized him as someone I went to high school with. Lisa and my mom always had a good relationship, so when she asked what I was doing in town, I told her about the surgery. I don’t know why but I also mentioned that I just bought my parents a new house because it is one floor and I was helping them move in.

She made a joke, something like “balling huh” and I just laughed. We walked out about the same time and Lisa’s husband noticed the car I was getting into, which was an Urus. He is a big car guy and asked me tons of questions about the car. After about 10 mins we parted ways and I thought that was the end of it.

The next day I got a long message from Lisa, and at first I had no idea who it was. I've had the same number for nearly 15 years and I don't have hers saved. After figuring out who it was, I was completely floored by her request. Essentially she requested $200k so her and her husband could do IVF treatments and get a surrogate to carry their baby.

She blames me for not being able to have a baby, because the stress from our relationship caused her to lose the baby. She also blamed me for keeping all the money from selling the house, which she could have used to jump start her life after the divorce. But she signed away her rights to the property and never paid one mortgage payment.

I am an honest person and immediately said no that wasn't going to happen. She pushed and said I am doing well in life and can afford it, which is true but that's not my problem. Lisa was not happy with this at all and cursed me out claiming she would get me to do it one way or another.

I ignored it and moved on until a few days later when Sara texted me with an equally ridiculous request. Sara requested I pay her car and credit cards off ($100k) claiming she got the car and debt because we split and she didn't have my income to supplement her living standard.

I haven't logged into Instagram for years, but my account is still active. Apparently Lisa found posts that Sara liked on my Instagram and contacted her. They both feel as if I owe them because my position in life was formed during my time with them.

That I am obligated to provide something to them since I am in a better place in life than they are. They have both been blowing my phone up and I've even been contacted by a few of their family members saying it would be the right thing to do.

Once my mom got out of the hospital I told her about this and she laughed for 5 mins straight, which was not good after an abdominal surgery, but it was good to see her laugh. After talking with my mom, she said there was no way in hell I should give either one any money. I am just dumbfounded by the audacity of them requesting this.

Wow this was way longer than I expected but this was a lot on my chest.

Am I missing something or do they have a valid point to their requests?

This is what people had to say to OP:

No_Tailor_3147 said:

they do not have valid reasons to expect you to give them $$$. They got what they were going to get with the divorce, nothing more is owed to them.

No_Reputation5871 said:

Sara... The next day we went to a car dealer and got her a brand new car (her choice), which she was adamant to get on her own and not have me contribute or co-sign. Also Sara... Sara requested I pay her car and credit cards off ($100k) claiming she got the car and debt because we split and she didn't have my income to supplement her living standard.

I am looking for one of those, bang head here signs while reading the irony about this.. I don't want you paying for it.. how dare you not pay for it.. you got a real winner there, and not in a good way.. NTA.

Solid_Assumption7160 said:

NTA.. . Your mother is right. you shouldn't give either one money. I don't even know why you would consider it

Jackms64 said:

NTA—And Dude, I would not get married again, clearly you’re not made for it.