"AITA for not giving my friend a ride home?"
I was friends with this girl for about one to two months. She came over to my house one night. I live in the suburbs in Country Club Hills, Illinois. She lived in Hyde Park, Chicago and did not have a car, so she relied on public transportation, which she has said many times that she does not feel safe using at night.
We were drinking and finished a full bottle of very strong wine. As it started getting dark, I told her she should think about catching the next train because the one after that would not come for another hour and it would be dark. She brushed it off and missed it. An hour later, she said she needed to go home but did not want to take public transportation because it was dark.
She told me she was having a girl she met online, someone she has never met in person, come from downtown Chicago to take her home. She never said that plan fell through, so I assumed this person was on the way.
While waiting, she went back and forth about taking a bus, then asked me to drive her all the way home and offered me twenty dollars for gas. It was about a thirty minute drive, mostly on the expressway. We had been drinking, and I am not comfortable driving long distances at night or after drinking, so I said no.
She then insisted I drop her off at a dark train station so the girl could pick her up there. Knowing how unsafe she feels using public transportation at night, this made no sense to me. I asked her multiple times to stay at my house and get picked up there so she would not be alone at the station. She refused every time and insisted I take her.
She became distant and said she was not mad when I asked, even though the tension was obvious. Eventually, because I could not force her to stay, I took her to the train station. It was only a 4 minute drive and thats why I felt comfortable taking her there.
On the way, she again pressured me to drive her home and sounded irritated, saying it was really not that far. I explained again that we had been drinking and that I do not drink and drive or drive on the expressway at night.
EDIT: I was NOT drunk which is why I had no problem driving 4 minutes to take her to the train. The problem was her wanting me to drive an hour in the dark with any alcohol in my system at all. That’s where I had to draw the line.
At the station, I asked her to share her location so I could make sure she got home safely. She agreed but never did. She responded coldly when I said I love you. When I got home, I saw she deleted our Instagram story together and removed me from her close friends.
A few days later, she texted me saying she was ending the friendship because I would not drive her home. She accused me of dropping her off at a dark train station and not caring about her safety, even though I warned her about the train, asked her to stay at my house multiple times, and tried to make sure she got home safely. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
forodrova wrote:
Info: you mention you don't drink and drive on the expressway...that means you drove her to the station? E-s-h if you actually did drink and drive. Just because it's lower speed doesn't make it safe or less deadly.
If you walked her to the station then NTA. She is an AH cause she should have thought about it earlier. Could have been picked up from your place. But she wanted to go to the station cause she wanted drama.
OP responded:
The train station is only 4 minutes away from my house and I wasn’t drunk. I was completely coherent but I still wasn’t comfortable driving that far, especially at night.
SDinCH wrote:
ESH. You are the AH for drinking and driving. She is the AH for not listening earlier, asking someone that has drank to drive and not just taking a taxi or ride share.
OP responded:
I mean I wasn’t drunk and the train station was only 4 minutes away. I just didnt want to risk driving 30+ minutes.
AussilNZ wrote:
NTA. Very entitled and has no consideration for your wellbeing at all (you could get prosecuted for drunk driving if caught). You dodged a bullet, she has no real concern for you, just what she can get from you.
NOTE: You showed a great deal of concern by suggesting she leave early, suggesting she stay, offering alternatives and you made a short trip in your car when you were drunk (that was dumb)...you could have offered an Uber trip or similar.
Her cutting you off will be as a result of her explaining her version of the story to her girlfriends to get sympathy and they will have advised her to cut you off in such a rude way. Girls usually seek affirmation from their inner circle and only tell those girls a version of the story that makes them innocent and you evil…every time.
OP responded:
I wasn’t drunk. I just knew better than to drive an hour at night okay the expressway when I've had any liquor at all.
MadJen1979 wrote:
YTA. You drove whilst under the influence of alcohol. It doesn't matter that it was "only 4 minutes" and you "felt fine". But from what you've said you had drunk a lot.
OP responded:
I didn’t say I drunk a lot. I said it was a strong wine. I drunk less than half the bottle. I just wasn’t comfortable driving that far with ANY liquor in my system.
TooTallbrawl1919 wrote:
You are the AH for drinking and driving. 4 mins away doesn’t matter. You were lucky you didn’t hurt anyone or yourself. Please don’t do it again, no matter the distance. You are NTA for not driving her home. She should have left earlier or just stayed the night on your couch till the morning. Both of you need to grow up and make better choices.
OP responded:
I wasn't drunk, and its not like I had a whole bottle. I just knew better than to drive an hour in the dark on the expressway after ANY amount of liquor. I can assure you I was okay to drive 8 minutes on a residential street.
SignicifcantTotal716 wrote:
NTA. She wanted you to put both your lives at risk and others on the expressway. If she really needed to get home she coulda forked over the money for uber. Be glad she isn't in your life anymore.