'AITA for not giving my parents the master bedroom in my house?'
"AITA for not giving my parents the master bedroom in my house?"
My parents and younger brother are about to move into my house (4 bedrooms 3 bathrooms)and I’m having a bit of a dilemma! I offered for my family to move in with us whilst their house is getting built after the sale of their current home.
We live in a rental crisis and when a rental is secured it can be really expensive. I’m super close with my parents and without thinking, of course I offered them to live with me for the 1.5 yrs it’ll take to build. Currently living in my home is myself, my husband and our newborn baby.
My husband is only home one week of the month as he works away. It was loosely agreed that my parents and brother would take the back two rooms which have a bathroom (walk in shower and bath) and toilet between the rooms and set up their sofa and tv in the activity area next to the rooms so they would have one wing of the house and my husband, daughter and I the other side of the house.
My daughter currently stays in our room but will eventually move to the back of the house near my parents next to the activity area. We have a one storey house. My mother has been making comments to the effect of “I think your dad and I should be getting the master bed room” in a casual non-serious way which has bothered my husband who says they’re not getting our room.
She’s also made comment that they’ll hear the baby crying during the night so she thinks I should be at the back room closer to her (to be honest there is not much distance between the master and my daughters future room and the back rooms).
Also that the tv in the activity area will keep the baby awake when she moves into her own room so she should stay in the theatre room next to the master. Now I’ve found out that my mother has been making comments to my other brother that it’s disrespectful that I haven’t offered her and my dad the master bedroom that has an en-suite because she’s going to be paying half the mortgage.
This had not been agreed - an amount they would pay us monthly was agreed but it’s no where near half the mortgage, it’s enough to cover bills. So my question is… AITA for remaining in the master bedroom and not giving it to my parents?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA but if this is how things are before they even moved in, I think you should consider rescinding your invitation. 1.5yrs is a very long time and it may even wreck your marriage.
Absolutely! In addition, OP hasn’t addressed household duties and maintenance, who is paying for food and doing the cooking, division of yard work, or if the parents will be covered by her home and auto insurance. OP, tell them that after reflection, you have realized that this will not work. Tell them that they will be happier in their own place. Wish them well.
You’re gonna tank your marriage. Stop this now. I’m not joking, you’re gonna mess up your marriage.
You need to sit her down and clearly go over what's going to happen. Your mother, so you need to shut her down. The house is 50% your husband's house too so SHE doesn't get to call any of the shots. He only gets the luxury of coming home one week a month because he's working to pay a big fat mortgage on a house she is now staying in, so he deserves to have his bedroom of choice.
Also I would tell her you are aware she's been complaining about the room situation and you are disappointed in her for doing that. Use the word disappointed. It will sting. And it needs to sting.
Tell her she can accept the rooms offered and stop complaining to people because what she is paying does not cover anywhere near half the mortgage. And it isn't her house - it belongs to you and your husband.
Withdraw your offer. Pull it right off the table. They're not even moved in yet & ALREADY bursting your chops!
You will regret letting them into your home every day for the next two years they'll be staying. Good luck for you, your marriage and your sanity in surviving this.
This isn't going to work. You're facing 1.5 years of misery. Your mother doesn't see it as her living in your house - she sees it as her taking over your house, and her and your father becoming head of the household again, with you returning to a lesser position of a child that they can boss around.
It's no coincidence that the complained to your sibling, they intended for the message to be passed on to you. Accept the sibling, that will be fine, but you will honestly regret letting the parents move in. NTA.
NTA Disrespectful that you have not offered?
"You know what is Disrespectful mom? Trying to manipulate me and my family out of our own rooms. Disrespectful is moving in with me and making demands.
And when I'm not falling for the manipulations, talking behind my back and making the person, that is gracious enough to put you all up ( lavishly too) for 1,5 years, out to be " Disrespectful ".
You are more then welcome to find somewhere else to live or give me the respect I deserve for doing this for you, put up with the 3 rooms assigned to you and shut the hell up".
Or maybe something more politically correct. ( I'm so mad on your behave)
NTA. You have kindly offered them a place to stay (sounds like half of your home) for a reduced rent. The master is yours and yours alone. It is not up for negotiation. Expect them to completely take over your home.
They will complain constantly. It will go on for months and months. Sorry OP. I'd be tempted to rescind the offer. Actually scratch that. Rescind the offer. RESCIND THE OFFER. They've already shown how grateful they are.
This. She can't even wait until she's moved in before she's nit-picking the arrangement that she herself agreed to and demanding you treat her like she owns the house?!
You have to shut this down immediately, before they move in, because it's only going to get worse once they've got a foot in the door. Long term guest or not, your mom is absolutely expecting to be able to treat you like you're a dependent child in her house, under her rules.