'AITA for not giving my sister anything to do during my wedding?' 'She's adopted.'

"AITA for not giving my sister anything to do during my wedding?"

This is frustrating for me because I'm second guessing myself so much now. I (25f) am engaged to my wonderful fiancé Noah (27m). Our wedding is a little smaller. My brother Jay (28m) is my man of honor and Noah's sister (23f) and brother (26m) are his best people.

I did not ask my sister Freya (22f) to be a bridesmaid also and I have not figured out any role for her which has resulted in some anger from our parents, but also some accusations of me not treating her like a sister because she's adopted and not my bio sister like Jay is my bio brother.

My parents started fostering Freya when she was 3.5 and adopted her officially when she was 6. Our parents coddled her massively to make sure she didn't feel different or like an outsider because Jay and I were their bio kids and she was adopted.

They spoiled her rotten and favored her over us. There were many times our parents scolded me and Jay for wanting equal treatment. They said Freya needed to be secure about her place in the family. The spoiling and coddling came out in her personality.

She expects people to go out of their way to make her happy, she has this desperation to be included in everything but is very clingy and also childish in the way she expects her choices should be the priority in decision making.

She's especially demanding of Jay, because he's meant to be the doting older brother and the one who chases boys away, who offers to protect her and she makes sure nobody messes with her. When she was 17 she had this breakup.

I guess the boy cheated on her and she was hysterical at Jay because he didn't come and make the boys life hell and he didn't make sure the guy stayed away from her after the breakup. She still brings it up today.

She said that he did more when my high school ex started spreading nasty rumors about me than when her ex cheated. She'll bring it up around others in an effort to shame him.

When it comes to stuff with me she has always talked about the fact I didn't give her my jewelry box that our grandma bought for me when I was like 12. Freya never liked that I got something like that but she never did. She still expects me to give it to her just because she wants it and to hell with whether I want it or not.

I'm only inviting Freya or my parents because they are family. But I don't want her in my wedding. I don't want another chance for her to be the center of attention. And I don't want to be left catering to her demands.

But not including her has really not sit well with her or my parents. They keep calling and asking why and how could I exclude her from such a big moment in my life and then around to the fact I care less for her because she's adopted. AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

ObscureMrE said:

NTA - I feel so sorry for you and your brother. You 3 should have been treated the same way. It has nothing to do about being adopted or not but sibling relations. The background you shared are wow… The worst part for me that you are not kids anymore and this is still going on…

Why your parents want to dictate who is in your wedding? It’s up to you and the groom. Plus it’s not even a big deal (ok at least for me), they are invited. Well at least for now.

viscida said:

NTA. But definitely have a plan for when she makes a scene somehow at your wedding... whether it's her crying very loudly during the nuptials or making an awkward speech during the toasts, etc. Hopefully she doesn't, but it definitely sounds like she may do something...

Less_Ordinary_8516 said:

NTA. It's time to tell your parents the only ones who care that she's adopted are them, and that they have succeeded in spoiling her and making her an entitled attention seeker.

Tell them if they push this anymore none of them will be welcome on your big day. It's a day that only people coming to wish you happiness are invited. Good luck!

MusicBooksMovies said:

NTA. No one should expect to be a part of anyone's wedding, even family.

Infinite_Singer5750 said:

NTA, it doesn’t matter if she was adopted or not, the fact is it sounds like she makes your life difficult. It’s your wedding and you should be about to choose who is apart of it.

Economy_Rutabaga9450 said:

Stick to your guns. Tell them that you ARE sharing your special day with all of them, since they are invited. NTA.