"AITA for not giving my sister the 'family' nativity?"
So this actually happened a few years ago but as I was decorating for Christmas I began to wonder if AITA. My grandmother's hobby was making ceramics. She always had a beautiful set that she made before my sister or other siblings were born.
When I married, over 20 years prior to this interaction, I picked it up from her house and took it with me to my new home. One Christmas, a few years back, my sister and her husband were over at my house visiting my kids. My sister said she wanted to talk to me.
Sister: Look I think we should take turns with the nativity. It was the family nativity that Grandmother made and its not fair that only you get to display it. I want to take it next year. (BIL was nodding in agreement)
Me: Oh, I'm so sorry. But this is not the family nativity, its mine.
BIL: only because you took it before anyone else could say anything.
Me: No, because it was mine. It was a Christmas gift for me.
I picked up the manger part and showed them the bottom. It had the nickname my Grandma called me and the date it was made before my sister was born engraved in it.
Me: This was made as a Christmas gift for me. It was given to me . We only kept it at Grandma's after you were born because as a toddler you grabbed one of the pieces and broke it.
We just always kept it at Grandma's for safety as you and the other siblings came along. When I left for college I left it there and then took it when I got my own home.
Sister: (with great disappointment) I...I...never saw that under the manger. I never knew.
Me: I'm so sorry, Sis. This was a Christmas gift to me. It was always mine. Grandma made it for me. She wrapped up each piece for me to open on Christmas morning before you were born. I'm sorry you didn't know that.
BIL: Well, I don't see why you cant just let us have it every other year. I think that's fair because everyone should give a chance with it
Me: No. It's mine. It was a Christmas gift to ME. I'm sorry you thought it was for the family. But it was always mine. I'm so sorry you are disappointed but this stays with me.
BIL was obviously angry but my sister was disappointed and she looked a bit sad.
Today, as I was putting out the nativity, I started to feel a bit guilty. So was I TA They have a nativity that BIL inherited. Its and antique and valuable.
Also Grandma made things for each grandchild based on their interests at the time. My sister really loves Halloween (huge yard displays and all) so Grandma made this beautiful table top stacking Jack o lantern sculpture that lights up. So she, and all the siblings, were given things that were lovingly made by Grandma just for them.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
PatieS13 wrote:
Your BIL sounds entitled and I'm sorry you have to deal with him. My guess is that HE'S really the one who wanted it since he pushed so hard and was angry even after your explanation. He probably got your sister all hyped up the idea of the sharing thing and is also most likely the reason she looked so sad and disappointed.
He had her convinced it was half hers. This was a Christmas gift your grandmother made for you that they assumed they were entitled to. I think you already know who the real AH is (hint: it's not you or your sister).
OP responded:
I kind of thought the same thing. He inherited an antique and frankly a bit valuable nativity set from his own side of the family. So I really wasn't sure why it mattered so much to him.
mcknight92 wrote:
NTA - does your brother in law want to come over and f your husband on Christmas morning every other year also ? Jesus H Christ!
OP responded:
Okay, I admit. I laughed at this more then I should have.
wpgjudi wrote:
NTA. She didn't know, so I can understand her disappointment at discovering what she thought was a 'family' item was actually a personal gift to you. But once told...it says something that the BIL still felt entitled to it though...as the assumption they had meant more than the actual facts of the matter.
CharacterPark6921 wrote:
I’m assuming that your sister had spent a few christmases being angry at you for taking what she had always assumed was a family heirloom without asking or discussing it with anyone, and she has vented to her husband about it for years.
When learning the truth she was understandably dissapointed, but her husband tried to stand ut for his wife and arguing for her. I think he is the only AH for not accepting that it is yours and continuing to argue the point.
hufflepufflepass wrote:
NTA. I completely understand your sister's disappointment, but BIL's annoyance/anger about it is kind of weird.
Let's say you let them take it one year. Who's to say you'd get it back? Or that something wouldn't "happen" to it?
It's understandable to feel bad, but as you said, it's yours. Your name is on it and was a gift to you. They can enjoy and appreciate it when they come to visit, why do they feel the need to actually posses it? Especially BIL...like what is it even to you bro? Lol, that's so weird to me.