'AITA for not giving my parents a loan on their new restaurant?' 'They're saying I owe them.'
"AITA for not giving my parents a loan on their new restaurant?"
I just want others thoughts on this. There’s a lot of backstory to this. I’ve been working since 14 and had an account with my mom where all the money was deposited.
My parents got their first house when I was 18 and they used my money for the down payment without asking me or letting me know until I asked about that money closer to college. I thought it would be used for my college. At that time, I didn’t have a car or my own phone, since they were very strict.
I’m now mid 20s. I’ve since moved out with my boyfriend and saving up to get our own house. I only have a few grand saved since I got too spend-happy with the financial freedom. I also furnished my room, got a car, a phone, and cats. Also have college debt so there’s that.
My parents asked me recently for a loan from my saved up money. I was on the fence but ultimately declined to help them. They also acted very desperate like they need it urgently.
They claimed they would pay me back but I just don’t trust them. They also tried every trick in the book, saying I owe them and they raised me, guilt tripping and the whole nine yards. Since then, they haven’t contacted me and vice versa. Was I in the wrong?
Later, OP edited the post to include more information:
My parents stole over $10,000 from me. Money I earned from working when I was 14-18 years old. I kept old paystubs and did the math once. I have a new bank account with a different bank that she has no access to. I also stopped cash flow into the old joint account.
They wanted 2-5k for renovations. They changed the reasoning a few times but that was the recent reason they gave me. They have experience but in the long run with each venture, they have either sold the restaurant or stepped out of the business.
Funny enough, they have three kids, but only asked me and I’m the oldest. Also, thanks for everyone’s input. I appreciate the support and advice. I really needed to hear them to solidify my stance. Didn’t think it would blow up. I’ve limited my contact to them.
They haven’t reached out because they feel like they’ve been wronged and are victims, like they do each time an argument happens or I say no. I keep giving them chances but I’ve learned to stand my ground so they can’t and don’t manipulate me anymore. Soon, they’re going to move away and closer to their business so our contact would be limited or become no contact.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
ThePurplestMeerkat said:
NTA. Your parents have already shown that they are not trustworthy around money because they stole from you, and you didn’t mention them paying that money back so it’s fair to assume that they didn’t.
If you made a loan to them now, they wouldn’t pay that back either. You do not owe them anything for raising you. They chose to have you and that cost was an obligation they took on, not you. Stand firm, and if they don’t like it, that’s for them to deal with.
30Helenssayfkoff said:
Your parents either can't qualify for a bank loan, or they'd prefer to take money from someone who can't make them pay it back. Either way, you'd never see that money again. And that "we raised you so you owe us" horsecrap is a blockable offense. You didn't ask to be born; they chose to have you.
Even attempting that guilt trip is a filthy trick and should lead to an immediate loss of access. NTA. Don't let them punish you for being more responsible than they've ever been.
yellowjacket1996 said:
NTA. Never ever give your family money. It’s never a loan. Your parents should be ashamed of themselves for even asking.
Sad-Country-9873 said:
NTA - but freeze your credit for now.
ambercrayon said:
NTA. Banks don’t lend to robbers, why should you?
WannabeWriter2022 said:
NTA. Restaurants have an abysmal success rate. They don’t want a loan, they want a gift. And that’s what they’ll call it if you ever try to collect on it.