'AITA for not giving my toxic family money for raising me after I cut them off because they wanted me to be a housewife?'
"AITA for not giving my toxic family money for raising me after I cut them off because they wanted me to be a housewife?"
I (24F) cut my family off a few years ago. My life was always unfair. I was an unplanned child, so my parents never wanted me. The person who cared for me wasn't my parents, but the girl (11F, let's call her Rose) who babysat me.
My parents were always away on work trips but would never have "space" to take a baby with them. They constantly left me behind, and the only person who cared for me was Rose while they were gone. Whether they were gone for weeks or days, she always came.
During the day, Rose went to school, but when she got back, she would be with me. Some backstory on Rose. Her parents were passed, and her older sister who was in college at the time would take care of her.
Her sister was always busy with schoolwork and jobs to support them, so wouldn't often be at home. Instead, Rose would babysit me. Rose was a very gifted girl, learning to support both herself and her sister at the same time.
But even she couldn't stay forever. My parents didn't want me, so I learned to do things by myself. I studied by myself, and I cooked and cleaned for myself. Rose taught me all that, part of why I got accepted to uni on scholarship. I owe everything to her.
By the time I turned 7, she was graduating to an IVY league school. She was leaving me. Rose visited every holiday, every time she could, but we lived in Europe, she lived in America. Flying was expensive.
My parents got me a new babysitter, but he wasn't the same. He only came for the money, not a connection, not a friendship. By the time I turned 12, my parents decided I could live by myself when they left. I didn't have many friends in school, so I immersed myself in my studies. I read books, finished my work, and practiced schoolwork from higher levels day and night.
When I turned 16, she was done with university. She had settled down as an independent woman, and my parents also wanted to move to the US so that they could limit travel. And there we went.
My mom and dad got to spend more time with me, and I could stay close to her. The damage was done, though, I barely even knew them. They didn't even know what I liked and disliked. They wanted me not to go to university and to settle down as a housewife.
The worst part was that they wanted me to look for husbands then and there. Destroy my independence and become a traditional wife. For 2 years, I played along with their fantasies; they made me drop my studies and focus on learning how to be a real housewife.
Whilst all of this was going on, I secretly continued my studies, with my old babysitter as a cover. I'd say that I would go over to a friend's house to learn those skills better when in reality, I was studying my ass off to make sure I got into a good university.
The day I turned 18, I cut them off. I stayed with Rose during all of this, all the backlash from relatives and mutual friends, she stood by my side. I finished university and got settled down with a good job.
I considered Rose more of a mother than the woman who birthed me. Last month, I wanted to express my appreciation for all of her help. I bought Rose a house and car with a lot of money I saved.
She was the most grateful person I had ever seen and even refused to accept it at first. We posted it on social media, and captioned it "For the person who ACTUALLY took care of me, my whole life".
Last week, I got a call from an unknown number, picked up to my mother. What a shock that was. She started by saying how much she had missed me, and how this facade had gone on long enough, and it was time to give my parents all of my money, quit my job, and settle down with a husband.
Can you believe that? This woman dared to ask for my money and for me to quit my life's work and job to become a housewife. Something I did not want? I told her that I did not owe her anything, I worked hard to be where I was, and I was not going to leave that for her wishes, and hung up.
She vented all over social media, that I was a selfish brat who wouldn't give her own family any money. I told her to go "eff off" and to leave me alone and she called me an AH. But now, I'm thinking, was I the AH, should I have just gave her some money and repaired my relationship with her?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
NTA good on you for sticking with your studies and making a great friendship with rose, your parents already did the damage they caused now they have to live with that!
Reminds me of Roald Dahl Matilda.
Omg, you're right! ?
Stop answering unknown numbers and block her everywhere.