'AITA for not giving up my bedroom when my cousin stayed over?' UPDATED
"AITA for not giving up my bedroom when my cousin stayed over?"
I live with my parents while saving up for my own place. It’s not glamorous, but I pay them rent and cover some bills, so it’s not like I’m freeloading. My room is basically the only space in the house that feels like mine. Last weekend, my mom told me my cousin was visiting from out of town. Cool, no problem.
Then she casually said, “Oh, you can sleep on the couch so your cousin can use your room.” I thought she was joking…but she wasn’t. Now, I like my cousin, but this is a grown adult with their own income. Meanwhile, I’ve got work, school, and a bad back from too many hours hunched over a laptop.
I politely said no, that I’d rather keep my room. I even offered to help set up the guest bed in the spare room (it’s a bit dusty, but it’s still a bed). Cue family drama. My mom got huffy and said I was being selfish and “not hospitable.” My dad shrugged like he was Switzerland. My cousin looked awkward and said they didn’t mind the guest bed, but my mom acted like I’d just ruined the whole family reunion.
So I stuck to my guns, slept in my own room, and my cousin slept in the spare. The weekend went fine, but now my mom is giving me the cold shoulder. She keeps dropping comments like, “Some people don’t understand family comes first.” I get it, hospitality matters, but…it’s my room. I pay for it. I didn’t think it was unreasonable. AITA for refusing to give up my bedroom for my cousin?
The internet had a lot to say in response.
Acceptable_Mix_3434 wrote:
Yeah watch that “family comes first” BS. It’s never said about good things!
OP responded:
Exactly! I get that family matters, but it felt like my needs didn’t even register. A little respect for personal space doesn’t hurt, right?
UrsulaVonTwinkle wrote:
You pay for that space. NTA. Remind your mom of that. Also, if family comes first, what does that make YOU? Also, if there's a spare room, why would yours need to be commandeered? Also, who tf wants to sleep in someone else's bedroom when a spare room is empty and available??
OP responded:
Right?? That’s exactly what I was thinking! I don’t mind making space in the spare room, it’s not like I hate family but my room is literally my only “me” space in the house. I tried to explain that to my mom, but she just kept insisting “family comes first,” like my back and sanity don’t count.
Honestly, I was half-expecting my cousin to roll their eyes and be like, “Yeah, the spare room works just fine,” which they actually did. I just wish my mom would’ve listened instead of acting like I committed a cardinal sin by wanting to sleep in my own bed.
Electronic_World_894 wrote:
There’s a freaking spare room and she wanted you to sleep on the couch?! And does your mom not consider you her family? And why didn’t she give up her room for your cousin?NTA. You pay rent, it’s your choice to give up your room or not. Is your mom always so mean to you? She seems awful.
Kittieluv wrote:
Also if family comes first.why isn't she.giving up her room? Your mom that is.
Four days later, OP shared an update.
Hey everyone, just wanted to give a quick update since a lot of people asked what happened after the whole “give your cousin your room” drama. So, my cousin ended up staying in the spare room and honestly, they were totally fine with it. They even joked with me later that they’d rather not sleep surrounded by my laundry piles and anime posters anyway (fair).
We actually had a pretty good time hanging out, so no issues there. The tension was really with my mom. She gave me the cold shoulder for a few days and kept making little digs about how I “don’t understand family.”
Eventually, I sat her down and explained that it wasn’t about not wanting my cousin around, it was about not wanting to be pushed out of the one space I actually pay for and feel comfortable in. I reminded her that I’m contributing to the house, and my cousin literally said they were fine with the guest bed.
To my surprise, my mom actually admitted she may have overreacted. She said she just wanted to make sure my cousin felt welcome and wasn’t thinking about how it made me feel. We hugged it out, and things are back to normal now. So yeah, no huge blow-up, no family disowning me.
Just a lot of unnecessary drama over a bed. And for the record, my cousin brought me cookies as a thank you for “saving them from the world’s hardest couch,” so I think we’re good. Thanks to everyone who told me I wasn’t crazy for wanting to keep my room. You guys made me feel a lot better about standing my ground.
The comments kept coming.
Viri_Lora wrote:
Man, felt this on a personal lvl. Good on ya for standing ur ground. Fam can be real headaches sometimes but props to them for actually listening and understanding ya. Stay firm dudeski! Also, cousin sounds chill af. Next time they pop by, call dibs on the cookies. Also praying for the longevity of ur anime poster safety from future guests lmao. Peace out bro
FreeGazatoday wrote:
Glad everything worked out. But your mom giving you the cold shoulder for a few days over this??? She needs THERAPY! And what's the difference between giving the guest room or yours??? it's still a room. She's the one who doesn't understand family, more worried about her relative than her own flesh and blood.
D3athcomestoall wrote:
I didn't see your mum offering her bed so she clearly wasn't that worried about your cousin's comfortability. It was clearly about control and getting her way.
"She gave me the cold shoulder for a few days"
I'm sorry, who's the child? I'm glad she apologised but she sounds like a god damn headache.
Outrageous_Win_4835 wrote:
I missed the part where the guest room was not good enough to offer a guest, and why someone had to sleep on the couch was explained. Then the solution was for the guest to use the guest room.