'AITA for not giving up my name for my ex’s new wife with the EXACT SAME FULL NAME as me?'
"AITA for not giving up my name for my ex’s new wife with the EXACT SAME FULL NAME as me?"
AITAH for keeping my name after my ex-husband remarries someone with the EXACT same name FIRST, MIDDLE, and now LAST name as me? Here's an example... my name is Jane (first name) Marie (middle name) Doe (Doe being married name).
He married a woman who's name is spelled exactly the same way. His new wife is also Jane Marie Doe.....I wish this was a sick joke. The SAME FIRST, MIDDLE, and LAST-NAME as me now that they are married. Coincidentally, we are also the same age.
I (27y/o female) was married for almost six years to my now ex-husband (29y/o male). Yes, we married very young as we were both in the military at that time. I asked for a divorce after 5 years, and we both grieved the marriage pretty hard but we just wanted different things.
He and I had been through a lot of difficult things in our early 20's, the death of a mother, deployments, etc. We really did love eachother but it was just very clear we were going in different directions. He wanted kids by 30, I wanted a career and kids at like 40.
We've been divorce since 2022, both have been well moved on. I have no feelings whatsoever for him, but hope life is good to him. We didn't have children so it was a clean break.
I kept my last name and chose not to return to my maiden name as I just didn't have any connection left with it. Not to mention it's just a really cool name. I look at it like this: I got married at 19... I'm so fortunate to have achieved so much in my twenties, all under that name.
My name has truly been my identity my entire adult life... its not like it was a 9 -month marraige. Why would I change my last name because he chose to date a chick with the same name... I wouldn't date a guy with A DOG that had my ex-husband's name.
Here's where it can be messy. I can't lie, I worry a lot about our identities being confused on important things (tax documents, military paperwork, medical records). This isn't a jealousy thing of any kind for me... it's just WEIRD.
Things that could really put both her and I in a bad predicament. Sadly, we've been confused by his own family and friends. I got tagged in his dad's post of them because he accidentally tagged me instead.
I got a message on what I think was her birthday, wishing me a happy birthday from someone who knows both my ex-husband and me. Honest mistakes and easily made, clearly. I have no ill will or wishes for them.
There's so much hate already in this world. I do truly wish them a long, prosperous and fulfilling life. My family has told me I should change my last name. I've had people tell me I'm the AH for not, given she now has his last name too. Let me be clear, I'm not going to change it…am I the AH?
EDIT:
I'm really concerned about the reading comprehension skills happening here...some of y'all seem to be taking this more personally than I have....damn. I'm not holding it freaking hostage holy cow.. I have no doubt I'll change it when I get remarried.
My name has earned a college degree. I served my country faithfully with the name on my uniform, I was a recipient of the highest award there is in EMS (An Award of Valor)... It's the name on the awards for restarting the hearts of others with my own two hands.
I have multiple awards for my service to my country and community. So yeah.. I'd say my name has weight for me. There's honor and pride in it. I don't view it as "his". I made this name honorable myself.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
At least the ex husband doesn’t have to worry about accidentally calling the new wife by the first wife’s name.
Many people have the same names which is why social security numbers are issued uniquely. NTA. It's your name. But be prepared for a lifetime of carrying extra ID with you to prove you are not the other one. My husband has a cousin who married a gal who has the exact same name I do. It's crazy. I get her mail and debt collector calls often. I'm never changing my name.
Some woman change their last name back some don't. I honestly think it's. Personal choice. Please tell me you have different birthdays though because honestly that would be way screwed up.
Remarkable-Horse9465 (OP)
Yes definitely different birthday’s. But same birth year….its so weird to me.
There are 85 people in Canada that have the exact same first, middle and last name as me. I know that as I was once sued over a property in another town that I’d never been. It was pretty easy to explain and prove it wasn’t me. You’re NTA for retaining a name you are legally entitled to.
Remarkable-Horse9465 (OP)
EDIT 2: If his new wife ever sees this post: Please don't be afraid to reach out to me if something is ever confusing that can affect us both negatively. I don't bite. I'm a kind person with a good heart, and I assume you are too since he married you. We can figure it out together if we ever need to. I don't ever want this to be thought of as some sort of battle. As you already know its a great name lol.
NTA you don't owe him anything including YOUR last name. It's not something he can take back. Don't worry about identity confusion, just keep close eye on your credit report and report any irregularities.
NTA. If you made a clean break, seems like it's time to remove his family from social media if that's the only time it's been an issue. Otherwise, plenty of people have the same names.
I don't know why this would become a legal or medical headache - in those situations it's your social security number that differentiates you. It would be insane for those institutions to have no way to distinguish two people with the same names.
Maybe part of the issue is that it sounds like you're still connected to him to some degree? There's no reason for you to know his wife's name if you've been divorced for four years with no kids involved. Make an actual clean break and this does not need to be an issue.