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'AITA for not giving up part of my outfit so my friend wouldn’t be kicked out of the restaurant?'

'AITA for not giving up part of my outfit so my friend wouldn’t be kicked out of the restaurant?'


"AITA for not giving up part of my outfit so my friend wouldn’t be kicked out of the restaurant?"

Okay so two friends of mine are visiting the country I live in this week (separately). We are all in our early to mid 30s. I am a practicing muslimah so I obey the conditions of hijab. This is something all my friends know.

Bella is a school teacher and here since it’s her half term break in the UK, she’s come with some friends of hers and is definitely here for more of a party holiday. Sofia’s husband has business interests here and she came with him to help with those and also catch up with friends (like me) that live in this country.

Since there was an overlap we decided to get together and go out for a meal. Sofia made a reservation at a Michelin starred place for dinner. Bella agreed to come but said she was going to go to a club with her friends in the later night.

Now I figured she would go back to her hotel and get ready for clubbing with her other friends. Instead she turned up at the restaurant in a very tight and low cut short dress. It was very much against dress code and the maitre d’ did mention it. Sofia spoke to him and he ended up just giving Bella a shawl to cover her shoulders and chest before seating us. But she was still clearly not in dress code.

I guess someone else complained about it because the wait staff came back and asked if Bella was able to change or she’d be asked to leave. I was wearing an abaya over a dress with tight half sleeves. She turns to me and asks me to give her my abaya so she can wear it over her outfit.

I said no way because then my arms would be uncovered and that’s inappropriate for me! She kept insisting even when I was refusing and Sofia told her she was being insensitive and that she had been aware of the dress code before she came. The whole time the staff are standing there and people are looking at and whispering about us.

In the end Sofia took her jacket and gave it to Bella and then she put the shawl across her legs. Soon as the meal was done she rushed off and hasn’t spoken to us aside from one message in the gc calling us d-ks. I don’t think I was TA but I’ve never seen Bella act like this before so I’m confused.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Travelgrrl said:

NTA and Bella probably shouldn't be traveling internationally without researching and understanding cultural norms where she is visiting.

Cara_Palida6431 said:

NTA. I’m confused about the fact that someone had a jacket the whole time, yet she jumped straight to asking for the abaya instead. She doesn’t sound like she has a lot of sense.

Canadian_01 said:

NTA - if I'm reading it right, you explained to her why you couldn't give her your abaya, clearly you can't give it to her to make HER outfit acceptable while making YOURS unacceptable? So she either didn't understand or was so embarrassed that she had messed up.

Sounds like anyone who would read this situation would agree fault falls on Bella, she was unprepared and wanted everyone to accommodate her. Honestly, if you asked her what exactly she wanted you and Sofia to do differently, she probably couldn't give a clear answer.

If she said 'you should have given me your abaya' then you would say, then 'I' wouldn't be dressed right and asked to I would ask YOU for my abaya back. Then what? I mean, maybe I'm not following but yes, it was awkward and embarrassing, but sounds like Bella blames all of it on you guys when, once she calms down, I'm sure she knows it was her fault.

RyanStoppable said:

NTA. Bella is the AH - as an adult, she can look up the restaurant's dress code and either wear an outfit that meets it or, if she doesn't have anything that works on the trip, can talk to one or both of you before going to the restaurant to figure out a solution. I would actually argue the restaurant are also AHs for seating you first and then changing their mind when nothing changed on your end. But they are not part of your conflict.

figuringthingsout__ said:

NTA. Your friend Bella is incredibly tone-deaf, especially for a teacher. An abaya is not just like a shawl or cardigan. It is an important piece of attire for Muslim women such as yourself. Bella is trying to deflect the blame for her shameful actions. You did nothing wrong.

many_hobbies_gal said:

NTA, she knew the dress code, she knew how you felt and that you were a practicing muslimah. She chose her attire knowing it was not the dress code of the establishment, then proceeded to behave in a manner that made you uncomfortable. She was not entitled to your abaya.

The considerate thing would have been for her to simply leave and go change into appropriate attire of to excuse herself from the dinner. She was behaving like a jerk. Perhaps its better you don't hear from her.

Everyone was on OP's side for this one. What's your advice for this situation?

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