'AITA for not giving up my vacation days for my sister’s wedding prep?' UPDATED
"AITA for not giving up my vacation days for my sister’s wedding prep?"
I (26F) finally got approved for a full week off from work next month. I’ve been saving my vacation days forever and planned a trip with my best friend. We booked cheap flights, Airbnb, and I’ve been so excited because it’s literally the first proper vacation I’ve had since graduating.
Here’s the issue: my sister is getting married the same month. Her actual wedding day doesn’t clash with my trip, but she asked me to give up my vacation so I can “help with wedding prep.” She wants me there for things like running errands, folding programs, and keeping her calm. Basically, unpaid maid of honor duties (even though I’m not the maid of honor).
I told her I’d absolutely be there for the rehearsal dinner, the wedding, and anything important. But I don’t want to cancel my whole vacation just to spend a week gluing rhinestones on table cards. She got upset and told me I was “choosing a trip over family” and now my mom is guilt-tripping me, saying “you’ll understand when it’s your wedding.”
I love my sister, but I also love not burning myself out. Plus, I already spent money on the trip and honestly, I need this break. She has a whole bridal party, plus family and friends helping out. Why is it all on me?
Now I’m being painted as the selfish sister who doesn’t care about “the most important day of her life.” I feel guilty but also annoyed. So… AITA for keeping my vacation instead of using it to be my sister’s unpaid wedding assistant?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
You go enjoy your vacation!!!!! Tell her SHE is being entitled.
Thread_Surferer09 (OP)
Thank you!! That’s exactly how I feel. I just wanted one week to relax without turning into a wedding intern.
Go on your vacation. She’s going to have you doing grunt work that’s too lowly for her bridal party. Her wedding is her big day and not yours. You don’t have to prep for her wedding—that’s not your job.
Thread_Surferer09 (OP)
Exactly! That’s what I was thinking. I don’t mind helping a little, but she basically wants me as free labor. I just want one week to breathe without being on wedding duty. Thanks for making me feel less guilty.
It is ok to be selfish - it is the most important day of Her life, not yours. It is not your responsibility to be her servant and your mom can take over the position if it so important to have someone folding name cards etc.
I did that for my nieces wedding to free up her brothers, bridal party to keep her calm and her mom from having a meltdown down of her own - it was hella lot of work and I was exhausted for 2 weeks afterward. Bridal party can step up and help.
Four days later, the OP returned with an update.
Wow, I didn’t expect this many responses. Thank you to everyone who reminded me that my PTO is mine and not “family property.” Reading through the comments honestly helped me feel less guilty.
So here’s what happened. I talked to my sister again and told her clearly (but nicely) that I’ll be there for the rehearsal, the wedding, and anything important that actually needs me. But I’m not canceling my vacation to fold napkins or sit around “just in case” she needs something.
I said I already booked flights, paid for the Airbnb, and I need this break. She got pretty upset at first and said I was “ruining the vibe,” but I just repeated what a lot of you suggested: “I’m not the maid of honor, I’m your guest. I love you, but I also earned this time off.” My mom tried to guilt me again, but I reminded her she’s literally the Mother of the Bride... not me.
The funny part? When I stood firm, my sister suddenly asked one of her bridesmaids to help more… which is what should’ve happened in the first place. Turns out I wasn’t as “essential” as she made me think.
So the vacation is still on. I’m going to enjoy my week in peace and show up to her wedding refreshed instead of exhausted. And if anyone brings it up again, I’ll just smile and say, “Don’t worry, I saved my energy for the dance floor.” Thanks again, everyone. I feel way better knowing I’m not being selfish, just setting boundaries.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
How did she have the nerve to not make you a bridesmaid or maid of honour as her sister ..? And still have the nerve to ask you for help?
Is 'ruining the vibe' the latest expression to mean you're not doing exactly what I want because I'm the entitled manipulative bride. Good luck to the groom! 😃
There must be a book used by bridezillas that features the phrase “ruining the vibe” as a reason to badmouth the people who drop out.
Good for you on standing up for yourself.
Thread_Surferer09 (OP)
Thank you! Honestly, it took me a while to stop feeling guilty, but I’m glad I stood my ground. Boundaries are hard with family sometimes, but I feel so much lighter now knowing I get to enjoy both my trip and the wedding.
Good to remember that most people jump to the solution that is easiest for them…and call it a need because otherwise the onus is on them to find the next solution. But there’s rarely no other option no matter what someone guilting you is saying.