'AITA for not giving some of my $100,000 wedding budget to my sister?' 'We would like a month-long honeymoon.' UPDATED

"AITA for not giving some of my wedding budget to my sister?"

My fiancée Sara and I are planning our wedding. We got engaged 2 weeks ago so we are not still aware of how much it will cost but we have a budget of about a bit over 100K. Sara wants the best of everything and wont settle for anything cheap.

We also would like to go on a month long honeymoon to France, Italy, Greece and Portugal. As I said we are not aware of how expensive it will be but we won't be getting married for at least 2 years so I can save more if needed.

My family asked us about our plans and weren't happy to hear it. My mom called it wasteful and said we could use the money for something better. I asked "like what?" And she said "like helping your sister."

My sister's husband recently left her with 3 kids and won't pay child support so she is struggling and I understand this and I'm sorry she is going through this. I try to help her sometimes by taking the kids out for dinner or something like that but apparently it's not enough.

I've already told Sara about her budget and she is so excited to plan our dream wedding so I don't think it's fair to tell her it's no longer possible. My family thinks I'm an ahole.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Truantone said:

The kind of people who would spend $100k on a wedding while their family members are going to a food bank are not my kind of people. Everything about this post, including Sarah who “wants the best of things and won’t settle for anything cheap” is obscenely entitled and superficial. The marriage (statistically) won’t last anyway.

Final_Figure_7150 said:

Whilst I think that spending $100k on a wedding is insane, this is your money, you spend it how you wish to. Your parents should direct their anger at the man who walked out on his 3 kids and won't pay child support - why aren't they taking him to court? NTA.

Monalot-a said:

NTA. You can spend your money how ever you want. You owe your sister nothing. Here's my concern on what you said. Your fiancee "wants the best of everything and won't settle for less". You're making her sound like a gold digger.

Do you understand how insane it is to spend $100k on a wedding? It is a complete waste. Your family isn't wrong about that part! My advice. Make sure this girl loves you for you, not your money.

Resident_Life_2852 said:

NTA. Your money, your wedding.

km4098 said:

NTA. But stop telling people how much you want to spend.

Otherwise_Degree_729 said:

NTA. Your biggest mistake was talking about money with your family.

Kooky_Variation7880 said:

100k is life changing money for most people and I think spending it on a wedding is insane. BUT it's your money and if that wedding is a priority to you, go for it. NTA. Your sister should sue her ex for every penny he has. The children he made are his responsibility.

UPDATE:

So my parents have decided not to attend my wedding. They think it's wasteful and they won't support it. My fiancée went NC with her own family years ago so if none of our parents are going to attend then what is the point of throwing a wedding? She is very upset.

I told her that it's OK. If no one wants to support us then we will elope. We are going to use our wedding budget for our honeymoon as well. This seemed to cheer her up and she has been busy replanning our honeymoon.

I told my parents that the wedding is canceled and they told me I made the right decision and asked if I can help my sister now. I said no. They ruined my wedding plans so from now on they can't expect anything from me. I will prioritize myself because apparently no one else will.

Here's what people had to say about the update:

Bella-1999 said:

I’m sorry your folks suck. But I doubt they’re the only ones who would want to celebrate you two. You might consider throwing a righteous party (if you want to) complete with a photo montage of your travels for your friends when you return. Best wishes!

boundaries4546 said:

Wow. Good for you. Do I think it’s nuts to spend that on a wedding? Yup? Is it your job to make up for your sister’s deadbeat baby daddy? Nope. Enjoy your honeymoon, put the rest into your home, or a second honeymoon, or whatever you want.

Clear-Ad-5165 said:

NTA - LOVE THIS! They aren't your problem....happy wedding and honeymoon.

WinEquivalent4069 said:

NTA. I definitely think $100k for a wedding is out there but it's your money so everyone else needs to learn to deal with it. I would suggest that since you 2 are going to elope put some of the budget towards a downpayment for a home or into a retirement account instead of using it all for the honeymoon.

Ireland1169 said:

NTA. What is this trend of prioritizing one child over the other. My parents did this year ago & I (the favored one?) always called it out because it was just weird & unfair, not to mention just downright creepy.

Ok-Listen-8519 said:

NTA the audacity of your parents outsourcing parenting to you. That's not cool.