'AITA for not going to Thanksgiving over the dishes?' 'Everyone else is hanging out in the hot tub.'

"AITA for not going to Thanksgiving over the dishes?"

I (29M) live in the United States but my stepmom is Canadian and her mom always comes down from BC for the weekend to celebrate with a feast for my mostly American family.

To be honest, my “step-grandma”’s cooking is not good. And she is the most passive aggressive person I have ever met. Every year she makes such a big deal about how much work she put into her bland ass food and expects endless praise for her efforts. But I digress.

Every year at Canadian Thanksgiving, my husband and I are asked to do the dishes. It’s fine, we don’t mind it. But the hard part is that we are guests, and we are the only people ever expected to help. At first it was like “Okay we are the youngest, so that’s why.”

But in the past few years, my stepmom’s nieces and nephews, all in their early 20s, were there and after dinner went in the hot tub. Meanwhile, if I’m playing with my nephew I don’t get to see much, I hear from the kitchen my step-grandma say loudly...

“If only someone would help me with the dishes” and of course my dad comes over and says “Hey can you guys help her with the dishes." I’m just sick of being the only ones expected to help.

This is our second year living in a different city and about a month ago they asked if I was coming. I told them I wasn’t sure and later told them I wasn’t. They offered to pay for our flights and I still said I couldn’t make it.

Made up an excuse. But really it’s the dishes. Again, don’t mind doing them, just sick of being the only people expected to help out while everyone else is socializing and hanging in the hot tub. I have talked to my brothers (both older) and one agrees with me and the other thinks that’s a stupid reason. So I am wondering, am I the ahole?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Tanuk-E- said:

NTA. Shame on your siblings for not offering to help. It's fine to help out every once in a while but for you guys to be the cleanup squad each time? Not cool and y'all are being taken advantage. And shame on your step-grandma for making bland food.

houseonpost said:

NTA: But nobody can take advantage of you without your permission. Talk to your dad before hand and explain why you don't feel like coming and come up with an alternative plan. Given you don't like the cooking why don't you offer to do some or all of the cooking? Nobody would dream of asking you to do the dishes.

Waste_Worker6122 said:

NTA. An invitation is not a subpoena. That said you might want to work on your assertiveness and learn to use the magic word no. You could attend and simply say "no I'm not doing those dishes it's someone else's turn."

Appropriate-Plum-863 said:

NTA. Why pay for a trip to eat bland food and be treated like the help? (Does your family also celebrate the US Thanksgiving holiday - and if so, how is the food, company, and chore distribution then?) Just say "Not this year, but thanks for thinking of us" and change the subject.

Thick_Secretary3701 said:

NTA. So you spend money & time to eat gross food, deal with an annoying step grandma and be the cleanup crew with your husband while everybody else relaxes? I’m surprised you didn’t stop going years ago.

booboo773 said:

NTA. You’re simply tired of being taken advantage of. The most mature solution would be that everyone takes turns but it sounds like your family is unwilling to take that route.