'AITA, my sister insinuated I'm not a real mother because of how I'm having a child?'

"AITA for refusing to go to my sister’s baby shower after she told me I’ll never be a real mom?"

Thin-Masterpiece2750 writes:

I am 33F, and I have spent the last five years trying to become a mom. Three failed rounds of IVF, multiple surgeries, hormone treatments, and more heartbreaking phone calls than I can count. My husband and I finally decided to adopt. Not as a backup plan, but as our next choice. I am excited, but the grief from infertility does not just go away. You learn how to carry it without letting it swallow you.

My younger sister, 29F, is pregnant. First try. Everything went smoothly. She glows in every ultrasound photo. The family is over the moon. I have tried to be happy for her. I helped her set up her baby registry. I sat with her through every pregnancy rant. I liked her bump photos on social media while quietly dealing with my own ache.

Then, at a family dinner, someone asked me how the adoption process was going. I started to answer, and my sister cut me off mid-sentence. She laughed and said, “It’s not like you’ll really know what it’s like. You’re not going to be a real mom.”

I froze. My chest felt tight. She brushed it off right away and said she did not mean it like that, it was a joke. But it did not feel like a joke. It felt like something she already believed and it slipped out.

I left early that night. I sat in my car for a long time and cried harder than I had in months. When her baby shower invite came, I did not RSVP. She messaged me and asked why. I told her the truth, that I could not celebrate motherhood with someone who did not believe I would ever really be a mother.

Now my mom is upset. She says I am making things uncomfortable and that my sister was just joking. She insists my sister did not mean it. But slips like that come from somewhere. They show what someone really thinks, even if they did not mean to say it out loud.

I have fought for years to become a mom. I have carried pain, disappointment, and hope through every step. And with one careless sentence, my sister reduced all of it to nothing. AITA for deciding not to show up for someone who cannot see the battle I have fought just to get this far?

Here are the comments from the post.

Pale_Cranberry1502 says:

NTA. You're right. It came from somewhere, and the place is called Malice. Your sister really, really doesn't like you.

OP responded:

Yeah that’s kind of what I felt too. I don’t know if it’s straight up malice or just something she’s always thought but either way it hurt and I can’t unhear it.

tarnishau14 says:

NTA. She wasn't joking. I'm so sorry. Infertility is so hard. Family is those you choose whether blood or not.

RedheadedChaos1102 says:

NTA. Giving birth doesn't make you a mother. Unconditional love and selflessness makes you a mother.

What do you think?