"AITA for not going to my SIL’s wedding?"
I (22F) got married this past summer to my husband. My husband has a much older half sister 38F. She’s been rude/cold to me since I met her 4 years ago and apparently she’s been this way with all of my husbands’ girlfriends. I didn’t really mind because she lives 5 hours away and we don’t have anything in common. She’s unemployed and does crafts and I work in healthcare.
3 years ago she got pregnant while living with her long time Bf and it was by “accident”. A year later my husband proposed in the park at a picnic with my closest friends and I loved it. He told her about it and she said she wouldn’t have liked it because having my friends there made it not romantic.
The next week she proposed to her Bf at their kitchen table with a ring that she’d bought at the mall that day. She wanted to get married in June, 2 months before our wedding but the now fiancee postponed it a few times by saying he wanted to wait for their daughter to be older.
If you ask me I think he just doesn’t want to get married because he never proposed in the 6 years they’d been together or when she got pregnant. She posted the video of the proposal on facebook and he never actually said yes and he put the ring back in the box 3 times.
Leading up to my wedding she would ask me about planning and then respond to every detail by saying how she is doing the opposite. It felt really condescending and unnecessary since she’d reached out me. Ex. “you don’t want people wearing white dresses to your wedding. I’m wearing a pink dress from anthropology so people can wear whatever they want to mine”.
She then proceeded to buy a white dress from a bridal shop but I digress. She also criticized my 35 person guest list saying “at my wedding we are inviting everyone”. During my 10 minute ceremony, my MOH saw her eating her toddler’s fruit pouch. My MOH was so pissed it made me laugh when she told me after. I was too focused on my husband during the ceremony to notice.
But now it’s finally time to RSVP for her 3 day wedding in the middle of no where. My husband and in laws are going but I RSVP’d no because I don’t have any vacation days and I just don’t like her enough to do a 9 hour drive. You always say that you should have people who love and support you at your wedding and I agree. I do not like this woman and I don’t think I should be there.
I know skipping a SIL’s wedding is controversial but I have support. My father in law said “I didn’t know that was an option Can I skip it too?” lol. So am I the A-hole?
This is what people had to say to OP:
Spiritual-Bridge3027 said:
You don’t have any vacation days and clearly you are not close to this person to take leaves without pay for her wedding. Keep quoting the “I have no PTO left to attend” line to well wishers who may ask you. NTA.
Different_One265 said:
Go to a thrift store and get her a used blender and a scorched (ruined) Teflon pan (anonymous). For her card - a doughnut shop gift card ($7.00). Just sign it “Toodles”. Don’t worry about not attending. That marriage won’t last long - he will feel trapped and start to react. You can buy a gift for her next wedding in three years.
OP responded:
Thank you all, for this lovely advice! This is good to hear as a recovering people pleaser. Part of me not wanting to go is feeling like this groom is being pressured and steam rolled into the whole thing. He just looks defeated anytime she starts talking about the wedding, in the few times we’ve met up. That completely goes against my beliefs of what a healthy relationship should be.
kistner said:
Father in law is a keeper, that's for sure.
Aggravating-Sock6502 said:
NTA, and a wedding invite is an invitation, not a court summons.
Although...with how hesitant her fiancee has been acting, I'd kinda want to go because I do think the wedding will be a very entertaining train wreck.
Dogmother123 said:
Lol your father in law.
You have a perfect excuse. NTA it sounds like she only wants the wedding because you got married.
OP responded:
Husband has been saying the same thing since the proposal. She apparently would interrupt family members discussing our wedding/engagement by yapping about hers. And the timing of the proposal and original wedding plan (2 months before ours) were sus. My husband’s pretty quiet and she’s used to being the center of attention and already has complicated emotions about his successful career.