'AITA for not handing over my wedding dress to my daughter?' 'It would need to be altered.'
"AITA for not handing over my wedding dress to my daughter since it would need to be altered?"
I have a very nice wedding dress which my own mother made for me. So I have a big attachment to it especially since my mom passed away. I personally do not sew, never was good at it.
I have two daughters, one of them has always loved my dress. She is going to get married next year. She asked me if she could use my dress. My daughter will not fit into the dress, it would need to upsized multiple sizes.
This basically would be cutting the dress up and adding panels. It wouldn’t be the same dress. I told her no, this caused a huge argument.
She’s pissed I won’t allow her to upsize the dress and I am leaving it to rot. I told her my decision was final and I don’t want my dress to turn into a new dress. She thinks I am a huge jerk...
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Honest-Sector-4558 said:
NTA. I'm not sure why she wants your dress so badly. Wedding dresses are deeply personal and while it's great to pass them down it's not a requirement. I'm kind of surprised she doesn't want to find her own unique dress for her wedding and is so intent on using yours.
PantsPantsShorts said:
NTA. Honestly, I don't think people get what an intensively laborious process it is to upsize or downsize a formal garment multiple sizes. It's honestly not advisable, as it will absolutely change the look of the garment, and usually not for the better.
For upsizing, simply finding a good fabric match for the additional panels is near impossible (unless there are still leftovers of the original fabric at hand), and you have to basically take apart the whole thing, every seam, and remake the dress. With fabric that looks slightly off.
And it will be an EXPENSIVE job. For results that aren't guaranteed to be perfect. The vision the bride has in her head will very likely not match reality. And then, cue the tears.
Sentimentality is nice and all, but going to such extreme lengths to maintain a throughline of connection and memory seems over the top. It would be much more effective and less stressful to incorporate some element of the mom's wedding outfit into the daughter's wedding outfit.
shestandssotall said:
It's amazing to me how kids erase their mums identity. Your mum made YOU the dress. That's huge, mum-to-daughter relationship, love and memory stuff. It's fair you don't want your dress taken apart. NTA, I wonder tho if your daughter didn't like the allusion to her size as compared to yours and that's where the upset came from.
MrsPomMummy said:
NTA. This dress is your possession, one with great emotional value for you. Your daughter wasn't the AH for asking to wear it, but her reaction to your refusal puts her into that category.
If she wants a deeper emotional attachment to her dress than buying one or wants it to have some connection to you and your family, I'm sure the two of you could come up with something that doesn't destroy your dress. But she can't just lay claim to your stuff and lash out when you won't let her.
Maybe there is a small part on your dress (like a bow or a sash for example) that could easily be removed and later reattached that could be a part of her wedding dress? But if that doesn't work or you don't want this for any reason (wouldn't blame you), then your daughter just needs to accept that and find a different dress.
CarneyVorous said:
NTA - but don't let the other daughter wear it for her future wedding either or you will be.
LeonaLulu said:
NTA. I don't think people realize the work that goes into upsizing a dress. It likely will not look the same, and there's no guarantee that it will turn out the way she's thinking. She might not even end up liking the dress once it's been altered.
People are allowed to keep items that are sentimental to them, including wedding dresses. I'd offer to help her find a similar dress and leave it at that. She's not entitled to your wedding dress, and certainly shouldn't have it handed over after throwing a fit.