Woman reaches breaking point when 'friend' calls her a 'crappy ATM.' 'She doesn't care about me.' AITA?
"AITA for not helping my 'friend' after her aunt died?"
No-Restaurant41
I (28F) had a friend (27F), who we will call Lily. I met Lily at a part time restaurant job I took at the beginning of the pandemic, since life was uncertain and I wanted to earn extra cash, just in case. I also had a full time office job. We had alot in common and hit it off quite well.
Lily had 3 children and a good for nothing boyfriend, who basically used her to get weed and food. He was unemployed, had anger issues and more often than not, Lily would call me crying about the awful things he did or said to her.
The restaurant job was her full time but it simply wasn't enough to support her 3 kids and her leech of a boyfriend. Fast forward a few months into our friendship, Lily asked me to loan her some money.
Just $60, as she was a bit short on her car payment. She promised to pay it back when she got paid but I wasn't worried about it. Then she started asking me for small amounts here and there, $20, $50, etc.
In no time, she racked up over $300 in loans from me. I never once pressed her to pay me back, since between my 2 jobs, I was making really good money and was able to put away a good chunk in savings.
One night, at around 10pm, Lily calls me crying and mentions that her dog was run over and she was at the vet but had to sit outside in the parking lot. I immediately hopped into my car, stopped at Taco Bell (her fave), and drove to the vet, which was about 40mins away from my house.
We sat in the parking lot till about 3am (I had work in literally 5 hours), eating, talking and joking around. Someone had run over her dog and not stopped, so by the time she found him, he had lost a lot of blood and had 2 broken legs. It was not going to be cheap.
She looked at me and I knew what was coming - yep she wanted a loan. The vet offered to finance the bill for her, but she had to put down $500 first. I told her that was huge and I needed to think about it.
It wasn't because I couldn't afford it, it was just more than I was willing to give away (I already knew I wouldn't see the $300 she already owed me). I told her to go ahead and pay the $500 and if I could, I would give her some of the money back. I guess she took that as a promise from me.
About a week later, I had some family drama that soured my day, so I got off my office job and just laid on my couch. I was off at the restaurant. I must've dozed off because I woke up hours later to about 15 texts from her.
It had started off with "so when are you going to give me the $500?", continued with "are you really going to ignore me right now?" and ended with "you are such a crappy friend. If you didn't want to give me the money, you should've just said so, B*****".
I stared at my phone because I literally couldn't comprehend what I was reading for a second. It then struck me that this woman has never once asked me how I am doing, if I need anything, or even an invite to hang out.
The one time we "hung out", we went to a gas station after we closed the restaurant and she asked me to buy her a cigarette. I just wanted some chips and soda, I don't smoke. I texted back that I wasn't ignoring her and had fallen asleep after work.
Also casually mentioned that I'd had a crappy day from my family. She replied "oh. Then ignore my other texts LOL. Can you CashApp me the $500 and also could you please send me $60? My kids are hungry"
I replied "No, sorry too busy being a crappy friend. ATM is closed" and blocked her. To be fair, my foul mood wasn't because of her, but she definitely didn't help. She texted me from another number a few weeks later "Hey this is Lily. Are you done being a b**** yet? You owe me $500 dude." I blocked that too.
Fast forward about 4 months, she finds my profile on Facebook (i blocked her on IG) and tells me that her aunt just passed and she just needed someone to talk to and I was always a great listener.
Her boyfriend thought she was being too emotional over her loss and she's feeling depressed. I ignored this message but it has been over 3 years now and I still feel terrible for not comforting her. I also looked into it. Her aunt really did pass - that or her entire family are elaborate liars lol. So, AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Full-Ad-4208
NTA at all. She was being a mosquito, sucking up your kindness and money and leaving you a little drained and irritated after getting what she needed. You justifiably swatted her away, let her perish in her own care less choices. Offer a quiet condolence in your heart to the dead aunt as a human being and move on.
No-Restaurant41 (OP)
I am cackling at the mosquito analogy, thank you 🤣🤣
Tight_Corner
NTA, you did the right thing. She’s not a friend, she’s a leech…
Weeitsabear1
NTA-she is a parasite and toxic on top of that. You are right to block her, don't let her worm her way in again, she will suck you dry monetarily and emotionally. Take care of you.
Due-Mine4983
In no way, shape, or form are YTA. Nope. She is. Thought she found a perpetual soft $$$ spot and didn't even consider that while you may born at night, it wasn't last night. Forget her. She has no impact or meaning in your life.
Tall-Lie-1328
NTA, while it's easy to preach forgiveness she took advantage of your good nature. It sucks but I have had to draw the line with old "leeches" as well.
MaterialLocation4704
NTA. She’s no friend to you if she keeps asking for money and never paying you back. Maybe pursue legal action? I know you said that between your desk job and the restaurant job, you’re good on money, but she honestly needs to learn that she can’t keep asking people for money and expecting you to hand her some of your spare cash.
Idk.
Legal action might be extreme but something needs to be done so that hopefully she learns 🤷🏻♀️