'AITA for not helping my parents during their financial troubles?'
"AITA for not helping my parents during their financial troubles?"
My sister (21) and I (24) were raised differently by our parents. They would throw money at her whenever she wanted it and they would spend it even if she didn't ask for something, just because they could. I had to ask for everything and most of the time I had to justify why I needed my request met.
And to do that I had to write or type out a detailed argument on why I should get any of their money. Most times I was denied because they didn't think it was a need. Whenever they denied me I got lectured on learning to work my butt off and learning how to beg just right and doing whatever it took for money only to be told afterward that I needed my own money because theirs was not for me.
When I was 16 my parents told me they would not help me with college in any way. They wouldn't even fill out FASA forms for me to find out what I was eligible for. When my guidance counselor asked them to reconsider they said no and if I wanted to go to college, I would need to put myself through college and take on the debt myself.
My guidance counselor still wanted me to go and so did many of my teachers. But I chose to do something else. I didn't want a lifetime of debt to follow me around. My parents didn't care because either way I was expected to find my own way and pay for everything myself.
With my sister it was different. They bought her a brand new car, bought all kinds of stuff she wanted and liked, paid 100% of everything for her college expenses. They were even sending her extra money to buy stuff while she was attending college.
And now they have run out of money and they're in debt because they borrowed to pay more college expenses for her. Then they turned to me and asked for my help because they weren't sure if they could eat or pay any bills with the debt they are now in.
I didn't even get much of an explanation at first. But I have told them no each time and I told them to get my sister to help them since she's the one who gets everything from them anyway and I couldn't even get a stupid form signed by them. They're mad about it and so is my sister who thinks I am wildly unfair to push this back on her. She said I'm older anyway so I should be helping them. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Ybhave said:
NTA. Your parents are reaping what they sow. Cut contact have a great life.
morango_A said:
NTA, you are just treating then as they treated you.
ExtremeJujoo said:
NTA Make them give an itemized list along with an argument detailing why you should help them financially. Then tell them after careful review, you have determined that they are financially unreliable, and you can’t in good conscience help them.
That they need to work hard to pay off their own debt, and as adults, they should have known better. Reiterate their other daughter can help them since she is the one who has reaped the benefits of their poor financial planning.
Special_Respond7372 said:
Well, if it isn’t the consequences of their own actions...NTA. They do not deserve your assistance.
JackB041334 said:
NTA. Your parents raised you to be self sufficient. Let them learn their own lessons now. You are better than me because if this happened to me I would have cut all contact.
EvanWasHere said:
Tell them to write out in detail why they need the money as well as why your s sister was always helped and you were denied. Tell them that you would not even consider help without this. Then deny them. NTA.