'AITA for not helping my parents since I'm not legally required to do so?'
"AITA for not helping my parents since I'm not legally required to do so?"
Old-Conference295
My parents saved money for myself and my siblings to go to college. My two older siblings used the money, went to the local college and have started families. They had to work at part time jobs to pay for social activities and such.
I am the youngest and I got a full ride scholarship to a great school. I asked my parents if I could use the money for other stuff than education related expenses. They sat me down and explained that the money was suppose to be only for my education and since I didn't need it they weren't legally obligated to give it to me.
They said that it wouldn't be fair since my brother and sister had to work during school if I got money for goofing around. I tried to explain that I had studied much harder than they had and that my education wasn't costing them one cent. Not even room and board.
They wouldn't budge. They used the money to take the family, including me, or so they thought, to Disney World and to renovate their home. I told them I wouldn't be joining them on that vacation.
I left home when I graduated from high school. My uncle got me a job as a welders helper for the summer. I gave up my summer but made enough that I wouldn't have to work during the school year.
All the guys I was working with thought I was nuts to give up pipeline money to go to university. The welder I was working with actually gave me $2,000 as a gift at the end of the summer. He said he gave me the job as a favor for my uncle and that he thought I would quit in a few days. He was impressed that I had worked my ass off for the whole summer.
I did this for the next two summers as well. I had a great time in school with my friends and professors and then in the summers with a bunch of hardcore blue collar guys that were earning more than most people.
I didn't cut my family off or go NC or anything. I just didn't have a lot of free time. When I was in school I was busy keeping my marks up and in the summer I was working. I really only saw my parents at Christmas. And one year I went to my girlfriend's parent's home for Christmas.
I got an co-op job the summer before my fourth year. It lead to a job offer contingent on me graduating. I did. I then went to work in some really cool places. I've been from the high Arctic to Africa, Australia, and South America.
I don't have a wife or kids. My current lifestyle isn't really conducive to a great relationship. I work and travel. I've been at it for ten years now. I'm making more than the pipeline welders for a much cleaner job that utilizes my brain.
I still miss the comeraderie of hanging out with the boys but those three summers gave me a great grounding in how guys in the field think. And that has helped my career.
The last time I talked to my parents they asked if I could help them out since the want to retire early and they know I'm doing well. I also want to retire early so I don't really want to give away my best egg.
I asked them how much my brother and sister were giving them. They said that they had families and couldn't really afford to help. I said that it wouldn't be fair for me to give them money since neither of my siblings were. And that since I wasn't legally obligated to do so I wouldn't be doing it.
They are upset with me for being stingy and holding a grudge. I don't think I am. I didn't ask them for a penny after I left home. I didn't ask them to pay for my travel when I came home at Christmas. Nothing.
I have been paying for my own life since I was 18. I need to add that they aren't working at backbreaking jobs or anything. They are teachers. My brother is a teacher and my sister is a social worker. I am an engineer.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
cassowary32
NTA. You've already gifted them your education fund. They chose to squander it instead of saving it for their retirement.
No_Lavishness_3206
NTA. Your parents established the rules. No help unless there is a legal obligation. They can't change their mind no that the shoe is in the other foot. Also teachers get the summer off. Tell them that your uncle can get them jobs on the pipeline if they need money.
Old-Conference295 (OP)
I mean I would help them if they needed money for an emergency or something. Just not because they didn't save enough.
oldfartpen
Nope, NTA..
Your parents committed the cardinal sin of treating their kids unequally.
Pretzelmamma
NTA. They taught you that financial help is discretionary. Tell them that it wouldn't be fair for you to pay for them to goof around while other people have to work and then take yourself off to disney world.
Squibit314
NTA. Instead of using the money for a family vacation (renovations are questionable - were they absolutely needed or "just because"), they should have put the money towards their retirement. The other thing you can throw back at them, since they want to retire early, is that you don't want to give them money just for goofing around. :)
NanaLeonie
NTA. Okay, maybe you didn’t have to be quite as honest/blunt with the parents as you were, but damn they have a nerve asking you to finance their early retirement. If they’d invested the money they didn’t spend on your education instead of splurge spending it on their desiderata, they’d be a heck of a lot closer to early retirement with their pensions.