"AITA for not helping pay for my cousin's meal?"
I (28f) went out for lunch with my mom (46), my uncle (36) and his son (11) yesterday. Uncle chose the place and insisting on everyone sharing a huge barbecue, even though my mom and I wanted to eat something else.
Once the bill comes, I divide it by four and say that he should pay for himself and my cousin while my mom and I each pay for our own part. He gets angry at this and says that every adult should cover a third of the bill because my cousin obviously can't contribute.
It's not the first time he's done it. My mom points out that she never made him or anyone else help pay for my meals when I was a kid but uncle insists. I agree to play extra because I don't want to make a scene at the restaurant but get angry because I'm expending a good amount of money on a food I'm not enthusiastic about.
I tell my mom that I'm never going out to eat with him again, in fact I had previously said that and only agreed to this lunch because it was supposed to be in a cheap restaurant but uncle changed his mind about the place at the last minute. Uncle overhears and agrees to give us the money but gets angry and calls us selfish.
For context, I'm a teacher so I'm not exactly rolling in cash. My mom and my uncle are both better off than me financially, not rich or anything but he could definitely cover half the bill. AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA parents are responsible for their children’s food and board.
NTA. The moment your uncle changed the restaurant, you should've changed your mind about going out with him. There's no reason why he can't cover the bill for himself and the cousin. Insist him on paying you back.
Absolutely NTA, your uncle is responsible for paying for his own kid, especially since he chose a more expensive place to eat. He knew what he was doing by insisting everyone split a large meal.
However it sounds like you knew this was going to happen since he’s done it before, so why did you agree to let him choose the restaurant in the first place? Either stand your ground and have everyone agree on where to eat, or don’t go out to eat with him again.
NTA. Your uncle should take care of his own child. In the future, if you go out with him, be sure and let your server know that you want separate tickets when you order. Then there’s no confusion whatsoever.
I could see if your uncle was saying “my kid ate very little compared to all the adults, so let’s split it 3 ways” however given all the information it sounds like your uncle picked everything about this.
My only question is, why isn’t anyone telling the uncle no? If you’re pretending to agree to keep the peace and then suddenly getting angry at the end of the meal, that’s kind of your fault. Tell him you don’t want barbecue if you don’t want it. Tell him you want a different restaurant. ESH.
ExplorerAdditional86 (OP)
The restaurant my uncle chose was one my mom had been wanting to try out for a while so I didn't complain about the change because of that.
NTA. Get your money back & stick to your guns: don’t go out to eat with uncle again.
NTA- it’s this simple- who is selfish? The one paying for themselves or the one trying to get others to pay? He clearly had a plan and he’s miffed you stood up for yourselves.
NTA imo the uncle should pay for everything since it was his suggestion to eat at that place. In our family it's usually one person paying but I understand that not all families are the same. But yeah if they are making it a big deal that you ask them to pay it's a big red flag, flashbacks to people I know that for example won't pay you back for money they owe you kinda vibe.
ExplorerAdditional86 (OP)
My uncle spends his money recklessly and gives big gifts to family (he bought me a new handbag out of the blue a few months because the one I was using was getting old) but then expects everyone to have similar gestures or to pay for his, or at least his kid's, food when we go out.
For example, he gave my mom a bunch of presents for mother's day even though she's obviously not his mom nor do they have a parent child relationship but now told her that he wants new sneakers for Christmas, which are way more expensive than the gifts she usually gives to anyone who is not me or her husband.
Your uncle is giving loser vibes. You should spend time with people who are doing life responsibly. His loser energy is permeating around you.
NTA. He picked the place, ordered the food, and still tried to split his kid’s meal three ways. That’s not family, that’s a subscription fee.
The solution to this is simple, no argument is needed. You tell your uncle that you are only paying for what you ordered. End of discussion. Then You go to your waitress, tell that employee that you and your mom are on your own bill/ check and that need your check seperate from uncle and his kid.
Then you and your mom pay your bill, and end the discussionat that, if they won't let it go, your simply get up and leave. Let the uncle say or complain all he wants, you have your bill from the waitress for only the food you ordered and your have already paid what you owe.
NTA. I’d much rather go out with my dad and uncle. When we all get together, the two of them bicker who is paying for everyone. My brother and I are both fully grown, but our parents know that things are harder for the younger generations and fight us when we offer to pay - even for things like my dad’s birthday.